What lies ahead?

Been a wonderful, pretty, sweet and memorable past couple of weeks. We booked out flat. One more step to realising our dreams..26th May 2008 will be one of the dates which will go down to history in our dictionary.



It's been long and tiring to work this relationship out. Ours wasn't an easy going one...with my parents objecting, with me feeling paranoid etc. Maybe time, trust and the most important component - DON'T compare..made me realise that he is the one.



I'm happy that my parents has accepted him and provided us with all the help and assistance in getting the flat. Thought it will be more years to come before the flat is ready, but at least we are now closer to our dream come true.

I know it's kind of funny that we've bought the flat together without the proposal. hee hee..honestly, i'm looking forward to one sporty romantic one. I think it should be this year which i'll say the magical words. I'll keep this space posted in a couple of months time..cos i think it's coming..hints are all over now =)

Been ages isn't it...

It's been almost a year since i last blog. Anway, maybe i should start this blogging habit once again =)

Well, things hasn't been too well since the start the year. Friends asked how am i doing, i'll go well, been busy with work and all is good. But well, the real fact is that i'm not feeling that great. My relationship seems to be on the rocks. We seem to quarrel so frequently. I don't know where am i heading to. I feel like leaving the country and leave him for the time being. I know i'm not being fair to him.

For some reason, my lifestyle and his doesn't seem to bland. Every weekend, we have the same issue. Prob this coming weekend will be the 6th week in a row which we face the same problem. I don't want my lifestyle to change becos of him. And i don't want his to change because of me. But it's difficult. I like town. I love crowded place. I'm forgoing all these cos of him. Yet, even a request to go to a neighbourhood mall will end up as a quarrelling topic. "Are we going to drive to the carpark?" "It's going to be crowded."

All of a sudden, i feel that my life has been taken over. All of a sudden, i visit the fish farms and plants nursery so frequent. Something which i try to accept. But i don't know why everything is taken forgranted. Everything is about him. But for me, i'm left all by myself.

Maybe taking time off from each other may help. Or to go on a short trip may help. I really don't know. I just hate feeling the same way week after week.

Maybe i should just leave

It's chinese new year. But it's another sad new year. First was my boyfriend and now my parents. I'm so sick and tired to hear all the shouting and quarrelling at my parents end. I'm so sick and tired to here my BF this way..in the depress mood. I'm really considering a break up. If that happens, i'm moving out to stay on my home and be alone.

I thought our relationship went well. But as things progresses, i feel that our r/s is getting weaker each day. Never had we quarrelled so much before. Tolerance may be should be the word. But i just can't. I hate his depression. It spoils my day. I hate myself for not being able to cheer him up. Maybe it's his family problem and my family problem which make us in this state. I'm not happy. I don't think he is either.

As the day passes, for some reason, i feel that we are not compatible at all. We seem to be on both extreme ends. Balancing is so difficult. I want someone who is able to share my troubles and to work together. But i don't find comfort from him. Instead i have to comfort myself and pick him up. We should be working as a couple, but i feel that we are so individualistic now. I feel so sad.

Let's just give myself a couple months more to see how things turn out to be. But i'm mentally prepared for the worst. To just give up everything in life and to be alone.

Where am i?

I'm just being too caught up at work. . .

I'm just trying hard to influence anything that comes my way.

I'm trying hard ease of the load.

I'm trying hard not to mess up my life.

I'm trying hard not to pressure the ppl around me.

I'm trying hard to cool off in the meeting.

I'm trying hard to learn to listen to comments.

I'm trying hard to be more open to ideas.

I'm trying hard to spend more time with my love ones (esp my little fur)

I'm trying hard to enjoy my life.

I'm trying hard to learn to relax.

I'm trying hard to physco myself that life is good..i'm on the right track..

I'm trying hard to tell myself to stop worrying.

I'm really trying..till it's driving me a little tispy.

Royce chocolate to kick off

MK brought a box of Royce chocolate to bribe his 2 new inexperience manager. Despite being present in office, he set his email to out of office. So for the first time i had to go into the defect meeting alone. The Royce chocolate was chocking in me.

MK followed me into the defect meeting. CY from IL was there. Like me, he's a first timer to attend such meetings without MK. With the quiet exsitence of MK, we dialed in to the conference call and Mic was already in the conference. We introduced ourselves and he wasn't too happy cos MK and Ad from OP wasn't around. Maybe innocent is really a blessing. We had a chicken and duck talk. Soon after the meeting, he called me and wanted some information that was already send out previosly in the morning. He kind of raised his voice saying that the information wasn't send out this. Good thing i had the email opened and as he was scolding etc. I told him to turn to that section. And there it was, the information that he required. Pain in the ass.

He requested support for today's SIT testing. So i agreed. However, the support was to drop the application in case JMS goes down. So i forcefully asked him to provide the request no. before the end of the day in SG time. But i guessed he told the drop coordinator to do it for him cos he needs to go drinking. Ha ha..anyway. MK said that he will go back to help me do the drop. So nice of him.

So that's my first time experiencing heat.

The Journey Begins

When opportunity knocks, it knock once only. Either grab it or it's gone. So i grab the opportunity. Accepting this opportunity will mean endless day and nights. There's a list of things in my wish list waiting to be tried with regards to my career. Merely one year into this job, i started off doing system testing, moving on the BAUs (Business as Usual) config. I requested to move into the CR team. So i got my request and worked under a super inexperience coordinator. I didn't like her style so i gave my best attitude ever.

I moved out of her team soon after and went into this release - Release 4.2. Big release i will say. MK is the coordinator for this release and i assisted in the config area as i have been liasing with the config team across the ocean. The team size of 4 was tough. We had only 2 weeks of build time. I'm impress by myself to pick up so much knowledge of the system during this time. But i'm still at not up on the mountain top yet. Still a long time to go.

So, another release is coming up and MK has to go over for the F&D phase. Leaving Cin and me as the more experience ones. However, Cin contract is soon ending and i guess if she's signing, she will move on to the next release to do IA or F&D as the phase is huge. Thus, leaving me as the most experience. So the opp knocks and i accepted the challenge - to be the coordinator of SIT/UAT/PT.

Role - Something which i will want to try. Lots of management work to do. Preparing implementation plans, coordinate testing, going through the list of defects by the dedicated testing team. Assigning out the defects to my repective team mates. Writing performance test script to be loaded in mercury. But i guess the toughest part is to gain respect and well like by my team mates.

I forsee myself working extremely late. But i want to use this chance to prove myself and as well challange myself in this new role. I'm slowing moving. I'm glad that after this try, more of my wish list will come true. However, each item on my wish list has a price to pay. For the past few months, i was so busy. I neglected my friends and most impt my little boy.

The bomb exploded

Thursday was the starting of the sparks when during the wee working hours. I got into office, found a mail by the bitch asking me to perform some unit testing on my colleague's code who is on leave that day. So she came up to me while i was composing the mail, giving me the pathetic face, the please face. Apparently i told her off not giving or leaving her any face.

So i said. This CR was initially under your charge, then you move it over to the new person while you guided her. You said you sat beside her for 3 days coaching her and reviewed her codes. So why did the codes slip into a state of no return, till you need extra help to fix the shit you created. I continued to add fire by saying, this CR reuqirements was so much more simplied then the previous gathered. Timeline was still following the old requirements, so apparently, there was more then enough time to complete. What's more is Cin has already coded and unit tested another part of yout CR while she edited the file for her own CR. I don't think the complexity is really that huge to require 3 heads. So i told her, i'll do the unit test, but i will not be fixing the bugs. I'm not the one in charge of the CR so i'm just doing you and giving KL face to perform the unit test. So she got rather piss..by evening, she stepped on the feet of Cin by telling her that her codes were wrong. How more dumb can this get when we told her that, hey..it's your codes which wasn't coded on top of the lastest in source control tool. So more lame reasons came out.

Thursday, Cin complained to KL. Friday morning was my turn. I bombared KL and told KL that i feel like i'm working under an idiot and have to see her face when she tries to push thourgh a idoit idea and when we speak out. So, we had our release meeting on friday at 4 pm when she announced that the code merge deadline has been extended by on more day. When't the actual deadline? Friday itself. So after the meeting, KL dropped me an email and asked if i got anything to say after the meeting. I said, time line not being respected once agian. Ppl worked so hard and stayed late to finish up code merge on thurs because so bloody bitch emphasize that timeline can't slip..must swing into unit test on monday. Then at 4 pm say time line extended. So i said, its almost end of friday, it's another brainless move cos most of our things are done. Then i learned from Cin that the bitch hasn't completed her yet.

So, to put it in a nut shell, only when she can't complete her task then the timeline is being extended to her benefit. So for the rest of us, we just have to try to push through to whatever timeline that she had fix. Since she emphasize so much on timeline, so i just shoot her back during the meeting to force code merge unit test back to monday. Good thing everyone else is done with the merge. She must be damm du lan with me. But she don't have a choice. She stepped on my tail so she's gonna suffer if one small mistake is made. I made my point very clear to KL when KL said that he will try to put me under MK not round but he said the decision still lies with boss. So i told KL..I don't have a choice to who i have to work with. But i do have a choice to decide if i want to work with the person and the environment.