To Care or Not To Care...

We didnt't meet today. He said he's meeting his ex colleagues. Well, trust him. He told me that he will tell me where he will be. So confidently said. But till now i haven received the sms yet.

I have been asking myself. To care of not to care. Caring too much might end up hindering his life. Its realli up to him to decide if he wants to reply my sms or pick up my call. Yes, i'm trying hard to give him more free space. But he's my bf afterall. I can't just ignore his life just cos we are not meeting today. Or maybe the meeting with his ex colleagues was just a lie. Maybe he met up with someother gals and had some rendezvous and that was maybe the reason he didn't wanna me know where he is.

Its ironic isn't it. I told myself this after gym..He doesn't even care. Why should i care. I held my phone in my hands throughout my train ride home waiting anxiously for a msg from him. At least i know he's safe and is having his dinner. But that didn't happen. Till now, i'm still waiting..I'm waiting for a call from him. Cos i know if i call him, he won't pick up his phone.. Sad isn't it.

We will be meeting tomorrow. But seriously, i dun feel at all excited. I can see the words coming out from his mouth tomorrow morning.. "I dunno wat time i can leave, might have to work late." Sometimes i realli dun understand or maybe i'm not understanding enough. When i say to meet, he will say dun plan cos he dun wanna disappoint me. Then on that day itself when i say wanna meet for dinner, he will tell me he got some appt or have to work late. I'm always last on his list. Or maybe i'm not understanding at all..can't see the importance of his work..maybe life is just so unfair.

My phone sits right infront of me..i typed the msg, delete the msg..dial his number..but dare not call. I dun want him to be angry or upset. I have given up hope for the night..suit him if he wanna call or sms me. Though i very much will like that to happen. but i have a feeling it won't.

I guess i chose not to care for the night. Hopefully i will follow my words though the soft side of me have the urge of messaging him. Well..i'm going to sleep already..