3 Months 1 Day.

12 May. I ended my first relationship. Devastated. I thought it would be easier..but it came out harder then i had expected. I thought i was strong. But i wasn't. My tears rolled. The river flows..the heart bleeds..yet there is no turning back. He decides to let me go.

Suntec & City hall.. i will always remember.. Our love nest was also the place that we broke up.. I held on to his hands in hope..but despair..The decision wasn't a rash decision. I think we both had time to think about things. I lived in self denial and lie long enough. Its time to wake up. Things no longer the same. I no longer felt the care. Everything seemed to have changed. I am glad yet i had to swallow all the heart aches.

We sat down..we tok. We questioned. He tried and i believed he tried. Cos i felt the love and care once. I treasured it..i searched for it but i couldn't find it again. Somethings once gone will never come true again. I realli realli did enjoy all the times we spend together. We laughed..we quarrelled..we threw temper at each other..the hugs..the kisses..i will always remember. I will keep the flower in care..the elmo in care..the memories of my bday forever..and 11 Feb..the day when we became a couple..

We came back to my place for prata. I didn't had the mood to eat. Everything seems just like last year once again. The last time when he left..we had prata too..we took the long way home..The moment i walked on the pavement..my tears just rolled..He held my bag and hold my hand...i stood there crying..as i look up..i remember the times when we crossed the canal..holding hands..teasing each other..as we walked through the play ground...the image of us vividly appeared..we were star gazing (orion) and i was feeding him with tau hui..we bought the bean curd from the peace center area the last time and wanted to walk back. But we were too tired so we took a bus home..bus number 64.. As we walked through the fitness area...i remember he took off his shoes to walk on the pebbles and it was realli hurting.. All these will always be kept in me..

Why do gals alway hold on to something more then guys. I held on to that tiny hope. But the hope was torn apart. I held on to the memories..but the memories were shattered by reality. I yearn to keep him as a fren. But i do hope that i can do it. I promise to try to keep him as a fren and not cease total contact. He's a real fine companion. Someone whom i can realli do activities with. Someone whom i can confine in. But i can't change him to love me. Since i have already chosen to face reality. I will have to face it bravely.

I know u will be reading this blog entry..this paragraph is dedicated to u. Thanks for all that u have done. I realli enjoyed myself all this time until things didn't turn out right. I've learnt alot from u. You are my first and i realli didn't know alot of things about r/s. I didn't know wat to expect..i didn't know wat i should do. U taught me alot about a r/s. You are indeed a fine companion. I promise u all the things u said to me about the next guy which comes along. I give u my word. I'll try as hard as i can to keep u as a very very good guy fren. I hope that one day we will be able to do all the activites which we used to do but as good frens again. I will be strong and live strongly. Think of me when u have the time.