Aftermath

Choir never seem so long before. It was dreadful..I kept on thinking wats he's doing right now. Is he doing fine right now. Is he still angry over the incident of rushing to AMK to meet his colleague. Everything of him ran through my head. I couldn't concentrate. I held the HP near to me..checking my hp to see if there are any messages from him. Yet its always disappointment. I couldn't take it anymore and just drop him a message.

Choir ended..i was too afraid to check my phone. I left my phone throughout in my bag. I hope to see a message of care. But i know its impossible. It will never come true again. There will be no more love and no more care from him every again. I kept telling myself its over..its not the end of the world..there's much better things out there for me to do. I kept rehearsing the line.."He doesn't love u.." i kept reminding myself..since i'm not oblige to meet him..he's also not oblige to sms me or call me. Frens. This is the stage which i'm trying to bring myself to. Just pure frens and no more then that..

The moment i heard his voice over the phone. The moment i realised that he won't be home so early..the moment i realised that NO..there won't be anymore phone calls at night from him...my tears just rolled. I couldn't control. The pain was piercing right through me..i was expecting words of concern..But there was none and there will be none..Reality is alwasy so difficult to face. I can chose to live in the dream..in the disillusion..yet i chose to inflict pain on my own flesh. The pain is too real to bear. Yet i know this pain is good.

Singapore is way too small to contain. Everywhere i go..i see the both of us walking along..eating...having coffee..its all way to familiar. Memories will just flood..flood me... I realli hope that i can be strong..to make that move to realli get on with life. I know its all in the mind..the mind power..I realli hope i'll be able to face him as a Fren and no more feelings for him someday.