Off Day!

Really feels good to sleep till the sun shines on ur butt. Yes. I did woke up in the middle of the night at 3am crying. Been really crying alot these couple of days. Its seems like i got over yet i didn't. Its the time of the month which makes me such a weak person. I just fall and crumble into pieces. Tears just rolled uncontrolablly.

But at least i managed to get myself back to sleep and rested enough. I went out to have a cheap and good lunch with at Aljunied. Then toook the train down to orchard to meet Ma Ma for shopping and coffee. In need for a make up remover but didn't know wat brand to get. So went around shopping for one. Saw a skirt at WH...but the price..too steep plus there is no lining. Went to Mos burger for awhile to accompany her to eat and made our way to Kino.. We kinda really spend alot of time in Kino. I bought Tuesday with Morries in the end. Char recommended me the book. Its a lifestyle book for self improvments. I'm hoping to find some inspiration in there to pick up my life again and to find meaning in my life again.

Soon after, we made our way to Stevens Road. Basically, we signed up for SDU event. Its a game thingy. So its not so scarry. The people there i will say are all very well articulated. Very well versed with the world knowledge. The game is kinda fun. Lots of interaction. Lots of crapping. Truths and lies just to win the round. But really..the ppl there are of so high calibre that kinda threatens me. It just makes me feel that i'm so lousy.

Took notice of any guy? Apparently..i will say no. No cute guys around..anyway..i dun even have their contact numbers or email address. Theoratically the organiser will be sending the contact list out.

Okie..its really bed time! going to sleep...I'll be having a long day at work tomorrow =(

Its approaching again.

The weekend is coming again. But this weeek, i did something very terrible. I slammed someone's week very badly. Didn't feel very comfortable for the past few days simply because everything didn't went right as planned.

I was thrown away and i couldn't get myself back standing to where i am previously. Apparently i misunderstood someone and kinda pointed some things out which apparently made an impact on the person. I'm feeling apparently very sad. I hate to see the person in this state. I just hope that the person will get out of this state soon and start all the nonsense crapping again. I really miss those crappiness.

Yes. The glass once broke up into pieces for me as well. I cried those days and nights. As much as my words hold the power, this person's words holds as much power. I love to see the smiles on this person's face. I like my frens to smile. To be cheerful and to be happy.

If there's something which i can do to make this someone happy. I'll do it. But i dun know wat should i be doing. Tell me please.

Weekend seems short isn't it?

The weekend is coming to an end again. I really think that weekends are too short. This weekend i can only use one word to describe it. Perfect! I really really enjoyed myself.

It all started at 6pm on friday evening. I caught Mr and Mrs smith on big screen and it was really GOOD! i like the show..cool.. not really late night i will say..reached home nearly 12 mn..Saturday afternnon, i went for a swim..swam 20 laps continously..but my speed was not as fast as previosly. Maybe becos i haven been swimming for almost 2 weeks. Pool wasn't really that pack and i didn't get any burns.. Good! Managed to get 2 slots for blading lessons with the Singapore inline skating sch for the 530 lessons at ECP. I was introduced to blading by my ex. I can say he's really a fine teacher for the basics. We decided to attend lessons cos i needed my training and tips and my ex isn't really that powerful. He himself wanted to fine tune his blading skills..so we decided to attend lessons.

Lessons were so call conducted individually. We both shared the same coach and his name..Micheal. He's young! and a very good blader..impressive! Basically wat i learnt? Nothing fanciful i will say but still wat a basic beginner will need to know. He taught me how to break and to do something called 8. Basically 8 is going in circles or drawinig circles with ur legs.. Had back ache after that cos i need to bend to get a lower center of gravity. As i was practicing 8, i feel and i got a abrasion on my elbow..Been a long time since i last fell and bleed. Sad case.

Later in the night, Al came to pick me up to her place for a mid night jog from her place to clarke quay. It's a super duper amazing experience. Once in a life time is will say..cos i dun stay at River Valley area and i dun think my mum will allow me to go for such crazy jog! Okie! i admit..i'm a bad jogger. I really hate jogging..but at least i managed to push myself to continuosuly jog all the way to clarke quay...kinda weird to jog pass everyone else who are nicely dressed up for clubbing and pubbing..to pass by clubs, pubs and restaurants and ppl looking at us like we are some weirdos. Not a bad achievement for a starter to jog so much esp i'm one with so little stamina.. I still feels that jogging is much much more tiring the body attack..blading..and swimming..

Showered and slept rather late.. Forgot to bring my farecard so Al was nice enough to wake up early and send me home! Thanks gal! Made my way to tennis lessons! lessons seems to be getting more interetsing now..lots of new techiniques like volley..over head was taught. My serving is getting much better. Getting used to the serving grip already. Went for a cheap and good lunch and off i went to practice my blading near the canal at my place. Basically i still dun really need a big space. I'm stil trying hard to master 8. i need lots of thigh muscles and energy..Its super tiring i will say.. and i need to keep momentum and balance. I just started this sports not long. So still abit insecure. hee hee..

Went for father's day dinner! and of course to the usual place..Amoy Street..We frequent the hokkien restaurant at the end of the street for a long time already. They used to be at food alley near maxwell. I started to go there since i am a baby. Celebarted all sorts of family occasions there cos simply cos my grandparents like the food there. Had a rather great week end i will say. Also partly cos i'm not down with any of my mood swings! hee...I need to go back to Amoy again tomorrow! so its bed time right now!

Late Nights @ Amoy

Finally its the weekend once again. Just finished my lunchie and here i am blogging. Haven been really updating the blog. So here i am, decided to give the blog a decent proper entry.

Been having late nights for this week with the excepting of wed and today. Feels very much like when i'm in HP doing pONE. Its like history repeating itself once again with the leading male actor Sel. Soon after he left me the last time, i didn't have any commitments to anyone or anything except to my work. I just stayed back to complete what i had to do. Right now, it feels the same as well. Just that, i'm still adjusting, trying to pick up life as a single again. But at times, i do still feel the ache and pain in me when he meets someone else. I guess its normal?

Late nights @ amoy. Feels good i guess..at least i'm located at my very own work place rather then client's place previously. At least i'm comfortably sitted at my own desk. Ironically, thought i prefer to be alone, i dun like to be alone in the office cos it somewat feels scarry..hee hee..can say i'm a scarry cat...maybe i did too many sinful and wrong things.

Al said to me last night that maybe we should bring our sleeping bag. Sounds cool isn't it?! maybe soon..hee hee...Then we started to engaged in this discussion of "Is the office lacking of man power? or are we just SLOW?" apparently the topic was left in the air with no final conclusion. Last night, i left at almost 11 pm. First wrong move was to tell Sh not to pick me up for supper cos i dun know wat time i'm going to end. Second wrong move was not to sms Don to pick me up when he's in the area having some romantic dinner date i guess..heee..In the end i was stranded in Shenton cos i couldn't managed to book a cab and i had to wait like some idiots on the street waiting for some cab to pick me up.

When i reached home, went online, Sh was laughing his head off. Don told me..see try to act hero and get a cab when i can just pick u up. Caught up with Lex abit..Did some role playing game with him over msn. Kinda childish...wonder when he will ever grow up! I wonder how his gal can stand him! wahahaha...Tok to sel for a mere 20 minutes.. discussing on some issues.

I was awoken by 6 smses from the earliest in line @ 7am! Uncle Lex..Sel..Don and lastly Sh. Well..i selected replies..of course i did repled Sel! but he seems to be most unfriendly. Anyway, i'm looking forward to this evening. Going to watch Mr and Mrs Smith. Beeen a long loonnnggg time since i last saw cute guys! Oh yes! i think i'm getting "sick" ... been gal looking.. Somehow i notice this very common trend in SG gals. They like to rebond their hair and like to wear the type of charles and keith sandals..all look the same from the back view. No wonder Don complains so much about the SG gals. Okie! i dun fancy those type. No style..not like i do have style or better looking then them. Okie! person whom i think got style among my gal frens - *Applause* *Clap Clap* *Drum Rollllsss* she's ALVINA! like her dressing sense with some weird weird things!..she has a style of her own...not like any other gal on the street! she's different!

Okie! Its time to work again!!! hee hee =) Can't wait for the evening...few more more hours to go! Exciting weekend ahead!

Night @ Kallang

Left office early last evening. Or rather should i say..the usual time. Went to Kallang Tennis Centre. Kinda got half lost while trying to find our way there. Anyway, Yeah! we found the place. I kinda feel that its necessary to practice outside lesson time with other tennis fanatics..Hee..So i kinda join this tennis frenz thingy..and joined the beginnners last night to practice. Not too bad i will say.

For the second hour, one of the club members came over to do some drills and gave some tips. Well..not too bad..hee hee..I noticed over the opposite court, a little boy was learning tennis too. The racquet is as tall as him. According to one of the club memebers, the boy is only 6 years old. MY GOODNESS! he can really play. See him play makes me feel...errr...errr...hopeless?! hee..

8:20am

I woke up early today simply becos i couldn't finish wat i'm suppose to be doing yesterday night. I woke up early today cos i couldn't sleep. Last night, i realised that friends whom i hardly know cared alot for me. I realised that those who i really cared took me forgranted. I was so touched by all ur actions. Thanks pals! I realised that things are no longer the same.

Morning crowd is so amazing. For once i took the train at 745am. The train was so much more crowded then i had expected. People of all ages, people of all races squeezing into the same train. Train rountine is not the same at this time. People in the carriage which i use to station myself at didn't get off at dhoby ghaut and chinatown. They all got off at Outram park. Like me, change to the east bound train for Tg. Pagar. I admire people holding jackets and dress up so nicely. Its always my dream to fit into one of those power suites..but but...right now my job is almost completely desk bound.. i meet no one except the computer.

When u realise that its time to save money.

Colette trip to UK reminded me that its almost a year! Saw that damm London wheel in her msn avatar..saw Lake District Windermere...freaking upset!!! Lynnie added on the sadness by telling me she went to York with Mr Larry to celebrate bday! and had betty's for tea!! I missssss those times! its almost a year and i'm not able to go this year..simply b'cos...i'm broke!!

For some reason working dun seem to be a very good idea! i can jolly well earn wat i'm getting right now or even more when i'm studying! and wats more! i got more time on hand to play then working!! earning more and have more free time! maybe its time to change line!! Thinking thinking...

Char told me about this agent which deals with ppl who wanna work and travel at the same time...sounds cool yah...vyvy baby almost did a job something like that after graduation! but she decided to fly instead!

Save money!! that's my aim..i think i'm spending way too much on good food! i haven been shopping much like previously..Hmm..come to think about it..it got to be the freaking low pay i'm drawing and the freaking high study loan i'm paying! Each month i save almost..eh..completely zero? hee hee..But now!! i got motivation! i wanna go HOLIDAY!! Nopez to China..i wanna carry that read 50 litre bag!! and walk in UK again!!!

When the place dun exists.

When u discover that the place dun exists in your life dictionary. Will you chose to create the place? or will u chose not to? I have been struggling for the past few weeks but i dunno wat should be conclusion be.

I've been trying to create that particular place for the particular person. But yet it proves to be so difficult. Sometimes i really wonder if i really need to make the effort to create the space. I pondered over this question for countless days and nights. Much tears had fallen..the broken lines are slowly turning to crack marks.. I wonder how long more i can hold on.

The little glimpse of hope is diminishing fast. However, it can't seem to be completely destroyed for i'm still trying to create that place. I'm rather certain that he deserves the place till he proves me wrong. I hope this decision is a wise one. Close frens might think otherwise. But i hope he dun prove me wrong for i'll be disappointed and sad.

I'll try and i think i'm doing fine creating the place right now. Ma ma has been spending a lot of time with me during this period of time. I really appreciate it. Though she never know what happened but she's always there for me when i needed her. I'm glad that work is getting busier..so at least i have less time to think about the past. Yes. I think i'm still somewat living in self pity. I know its bad..and i'm trying hard to get out.

Its really tough to create the place. I never did believe that a guy and a gal can be very good frens. Half the time, the line is hard to define. I'm attempting to create this place right now. If i do fail..at least i tried.

Lastly..I MISS LYNNIE SO SO MUCH! She came back last year to pull me out and yes..she said she will be back to pull me out!! but the sad part is..i'm going to be in SINGAPORE!

Missing.

I'm still in that mood after so many days..Its so scarry..i can't get myself out of it. I know is super duper unhealthy to be in this state. But i just cannot help it. I just miss him so so much!! it got to be one of the attacks!!! mood swing? i dunno...

I seriously dun understand myself anymore. I dun understand how come i got such feelings of missing. One side of me know he's not worth..yet the other side i'm still missing..I dun know wat the hell i'm into. I just sink right into the pit and i'm unable to climb up...I walked in the dark cicle for days already without seeing light..yet i more darkness to come..

I really dunno how to get out of the turmoil..its so painful..I tried to tell myself to be happy..enjoy single life..he's not worth at all..but yet i yearn so much. Maybe its just the companionship that i'm yearning for and nothing more then that. But for some reasons..i priorites him so high as still...i hate the feeling. I hate wat i am today..I'm trying very very hard to pick up all the shattered pieces and move on...yet for some reasons..i turned back to look..i cannot control..and i cannot help it.

The word..."Sorry"

Last night i saw jing online with a broken heart on her msn nick..i asked cos i cared..i read her blog to find out more. Moments ago when coming back from the market, i bummed into Char..she was sitting at the void deck..she's supposed to be at work..but there she was sitting there...tears in her eyes.

Both quarrelled with their partners. I know Char is waiting for him to apologise..she was gripping her phone in her hands..checking for the message every other sec. But yet..the message didn't come in. I know jing is also waiting for that reconcillation..but like wat jing said in her blog. I totally agreed to it.

Selfish is so human. I still remembered the times when i was with my ex. How i priorities him in my life. How i spared a thought for him. How i think before doing something. Yes. Its very frustrating at times..but all i told myself was..He's my BF and i should take his feelings into consideration. But yet..during those days..i totally felt that i was taken forgranted..cos i felt that he never did take my feelings into consideration..never did cared how i felt..

The word sorry plays an important role..i do agree is so easy to say sorry to frens..but yet to the significant half..its so difficult..Why issit that gals have to be the one to say the word first ? Why can't the guy take the initiative first? issit really so difficult to say? issit that ego hurting? Why issit that no matter how hurt the gal is..she still have to say Sorry though it might not be her fault? why issit that the gal has to be the weaker side? is this the norm?

Down with the bug..

Okie..I'm officially sick! Of all time..i must get ill now..Love sick and now down with the flu bug. Woke up with a very dry throat..then i started to not sound right..my throat hurts..Started to dry cough...Prepared myself and came to work. Decided not to see the doc..cannot afford to go on MC...got tonnes of work to clear..

I stepped into the office..I started to feel myself turning feverish..Can sense the body of my is not behaving the way it should behaves..My headache came back...Sitting here trying hard to concentrate to finish my work..Ma ma message to say meet for lunch cos she brough the sash for me....didn't really feel like steeping out of the office..too hot..and i'm not feeling well..

Just got back from lunch..and my head seems to be spinning..the throat seems bad..Sian!! concert is just on sat..like that how to hit all the high notes..i better hope i dun lose my voice..which the chance of losing is very high...can sense that my throat is almost gone.

Everyone seems to be coughing...Hiahz...

The past. The present. The future.

Some things happened in my life for the past few months. The story seems to be revolving over this one person for more then a year already. I got a message from Mama saying that Lynnie wants to go KL when she's back. Everything seems so familiar again. Last year around this time..I left for UK and not long after to KL. I still remember tears rolling down on my ride to KL...Lynnie was beside me when i start to read those messages on my phone for the last time before deleting.

This year. History seems to repeat itself over again. I keep reminding myself day and night..day after day that its over between us. Keep telling myself to give up that little hope. I'm hoping that i'm doing fine right now. What's the past is the past..There's always someone else out there. Everyone says that life is not just about love..there's so much more to do. I do agree.. but its not like its so easy. I'm trying..

I'm running away from alot of things right now. I'm one person who choses that if possible leave the country to start a fresh..To a place where no one knows me. I'm hoping that my dad nod in agreement for me to leave this place to further my studies or to work. But chances seems bleak. But i do wanna try international life. I guess its not as beautiful out there but i just wanna try it or maybe i can say run away from somethings.