So as long as i'm happy...

Wooo...just checked my last posting. Wah! been a week since i wrote something in here. The week had been as usual..piss during work due to the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE of mine. After work seems to be be much better. Esp with all my dates..hee hee..not like i have many. Finished Tuesday with Morrie and bought the five ppl u meet in heaven.

Well..Tuesday with Morrie. I will highly recommend. Its really a great book. Learnt lots of things from it. Especially the regret part. I guess alot of things when u see it at a different angle, things will be much different. Give it a little twist, look at it from a different perspective and feelings will really be much different.

I kinda saw light somewhere in the dark corner. I kinda put somethings that happened behind me. I think i'm much happier now. Just as good close frens, i dun feel so uptight over certain things. =) As frens, we no longer quarrel as much. Outings are more fun, more relaxing. More teasing, more smile, more laughter. I kinda come into sense that wats the point in probing into somethings to find myself getting upset or piss. And i really thank him for putting in some effort from my request during his bday. Sometimes is just better to just close one eye. Just enjoy the company for the evening and put everything behind just for the evening. Enjoy the moment and i think i'm much happier. I'm learning not to think of wat will happen in the future. Cos nothing is predictable...Just take a step at a time and be happy. Be satisfied i will say.

This evening, my dinner date...Splendid! We went to Swensen's at airport cos i wanted to have a nicer dinner. Though both am very tired, my date for the evening did very well i will say. And yes...as his fren, he can really pamper me so so much. Hee hee.. =)

Okie..its really time to Zzz...got tennis tomorrow morning. Been a long time since i last WACK!

Sunday Shopping

Well..i had a great time shopping yesterday. Finally bought myself a new toy after months. Finally i bought myself a micro hi fi set. Everything very small except the amplifier. Hee hee. My dad kinda went looking for one resonable price set for me. Cos i'm a poor gal. So that day he told me to go listen and try out the LG set. Kinda much much cheaper then the Boss set cos his rational behind is that is just form bedroom listening. No need such expensive high end set.

Sunday morning i woke up having mixed feeling cos i dun know if my shopping partner is still keen of going out to shop cos the night before he apparently went into depression and he kinda said he's not interesting in going out on sunday. So in the end after much persuade, he agreed. I went over to Hougang Mall to check out the Harvey Norman. The set was kinda black and nice. I kinda like it. Last day of the sale as well. That's wat the sales man said. Well hack care. I need to get one set soon to play all my CDs!!

After checking out the price, we went to PS G2000 to get clothes. Sale for the last day that's wat the paper states. I bought myself a pink top after we concluded i have too many black ones already. Hee..Spend some time there then we were so adventurous. We went to Mustafa..why adventurous? Cos its a sunday! jam pack with the indians. Ha ha...went there to check out the hifi. They dun have the blacky one. But instead they have the silver one whcih i dun really like it. So in the end, we adjourned back to Hougang Mall when i bought my new toy and check out the price of 20 Inch LCD TV to complement my new hifi.

Hee hee..i'm pretty excited about getting the LCD TV..then getting a sofa bed to put in my room and one side table. Complete it with a cuppa tea and movies! Perfect isn't it. Hee hee...then i think i will like my room so much till i no need to step out of my room anymore. Wat is lacking is maybe just a personal bathroom. But too bad my home dun have =( well. Guess i'll just have to be satified with wat i have.

Went home..had dinner and i set up my new toy and played the Michael Buble CD. I'm superly crazy over his "quando quando quando"..Love the dong so so much!!! so sexy lor..his voice..If someone can sing that to me..Wah! cannot imagine wat will happen..but i think must wait long long...

Lows..

Almost the end of the weekend once again. Worked till about 7 plus on Friday evening and joined Mr Josh and his fren for dinner and drink. Al came along as well. Supposed to be at Wala but it was too jam pack so we had to make alternative plans. Rob suggested to Demsay Hut which is located behind the American Embassy for dinner. The food there isn't fantastic and the best part of it, a bee flew into my lime juice. Luckily it was almost an empty cup already =).

We made our way to J Bar at M hotel. Well, there's supposed to be a 3 piece band as told by Mr Rob but apparently we were so "Lucky" that evening. No band =( The place is kinda nice..hee hee...After that we adjourned to Glutton Bay at Esplanade cos apparently Mr Rob didn't finish his dinner and needed food. Well..i'm amazed at his eating speed. Something like baby eating i guess...a very very slow pace. ha ha..Kinda funny..we just sat there waiting for him to finish his "seems like never ending" fried oyster. Ha ha...

I slept apparently very little that night. I was awoken by my human alarm clock at 730 am. There was too many things on my mind to get me back to dream land. I apparently spoiled someone's night the night before and i was kinda ignored. This person kinda became a little depress. I tried calling him and bombing his phone. But no reply. Kinda upsetting.

Saturday. Cousin's day..gals day..Since i woke up so early on sat and i can't get back to sleep, i on the TV and kept on flipping channels. But to no avail, its so boring..there isn't much tv program. I started to rot my sat morning away. Supposed to meet them at orchard at 2 pm..but apparently i'm late. Poor lizzie had to wait for all the late beings. Hmm...Lizzie been back for hols for sometime already. But its the first time i've seen her sian the day she came to SG. 4 years i have yet to seen her. Very mature gal i will say. Smart as well. Her cultural upbrining is so much so diff for a 14 year old SG gal. Very open minded i will say. No american accent as of yet. She still rememebers chinese. Not so bad yah!..hee hee..Me and ma ma didn't make it to the Night Safari cos we couldn't fit into the jam pack cars of kids..hee hee..

I was expecting to meet Sel after his company's family at Down Town East. But but..he just slumber into depression and i was told not to message or call him. I respected that decision. But i'm kinda upset why he likes to go into those moods so frequently. Not healthy i will say. I used to get alot of such lows previously. But it kinda cease dramatically these days cos maybe i'm more statisfied now and i dun have that much expectation in somethings. I'll just take things as it comes. If i have the means, i'll do it. If not, then i'll just give up the idea. Well, i guess lows and ups are just part and parcle of life. But i envy those who can just get out of the lows so damm fast. Its amazing how they do it.

Little Brown Man's Birthday

Yesterday was little brown man's birthday. So, i met him for dinner. Very nice of him to keep the evening free for me despite his many other dates. We had always wanted to try the steam boat at suntec called congress. Half the time we pass the area, the food smelled so nice. So we decided to give it a go since we missed it the last time during my birthday.

Disappointing..the soup taste like salt water and not nice. Hiahz. My company for the evening also started to sulk. Before that we got into a quarrel. I really blow my top off and kinda just walked away. I was a little impatient and he hit my trashhole. The evening didn't start of really that well in the first place.

Anyway. Steam boat disappiointing. Cannot take it, we went over to the Esplanade to have Hagen's for desert. Ordered chocoLat fondue! Hmmm...rather nice. But i still cannot comprehen how to eat strawberry ice cream with chocoLat. We ordered 2 scoops of desirable and 2 Zest tea (Lemon and Strawberry). Okie. i had a swap with him for the drinks cos i know he can't take the over sourish taste of the Lemon! but yet i love it.. Strawberry tea was rather mild and light i will say. Tasted really not bad.

He opened the box which i gave him. I made him a booklet with old pics of us, a card, a stick of coloured meiji chocoLats and a cow. Why cow? cos i'm his little cow last time. Just something for him to remember next time. The feeling at Hagen's was really nice. Very comfortable. Comfort was never a barrier between us. Its kinda sweet i will say. But well, we are no longer a couple..just frens.

Nice of him to send me home. We kinda sat at the void deck awhile while he went through the book of photos. Its rather disappointing to realised how much u rememebered of him and yet he dun really recall much. But well, somethings i just got to learn to accept and believe that i can let go with a better someone waiting for me out there.

I Need an Oxygen Mask!

That's it. I came back to work on sunday and my entire sunday was gone cos of that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE. I stepped into the office at 10 am and left at 6 pm. What did i do? so little? WHY? cos of that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE.

Basically the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE is the cause of all things. I have NEVER never been so inefficient in my work till i set foot on the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE. It just ruin me! Testing and coding on the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE will just cause my heart to pump faster...cause me to gasp for air..cause me to feel so damm piss and bloody irritated.

If u dun know the meaning of helpless? Code on my comp and test with it. Then u know wats the meaning of helpless. To add on to the stress level of helpless. Try not to use any available PC or lap top. Sit there and wait. Its really a good trainer for patience. But that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE is not helping me for now! i dun need to train my patience..Time is ticking by and that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE just dun cooperate.

I was fuming 1 hour ago! the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE just decides to hang itself! Just for me to change something...hear...ITS CHANGE!!! its not even testing! it hanged on me for almost 15 mins! nothing response! WTF! Then my manager keep askiing if its ready and yes! i am RUDE.. cos i'm fuming..i'm going to explode while waiting for that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE when the qn came. I JUST said NO! that MACHINE just hanged!

Seriously. I've worked like SHIT the entire weeks. My weekedns burnt. I just feel that so much more could have been done if that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE. Its really wasting time! Rush me also no use! The bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE just dun cooperate!

Seriously if this is going to go on for the next couple of months..i think to save myself from entering the hospital, to save my weekedns, to save the grumbles at home. I better start to look for alternative plans. Maybe i should just apply for Ed's job! or become a full time tuition tutor or maybe like the rest go into teaching. Its not about coming back to work on weekends.. Its not about staying back to work. But at least let me control my efficiency and not that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE controlling. I just felt that my weekend had just gone to waste! Its so inefficient!

Maybe in the mean time..i should really buy an oxygen tank to stand by in the office..cos waiting for the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE can really kill me. Its only in such desprate time when deadline is so near that all patience is lost! and only then u will realise how slow that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE is. Then u will be like me now. Complaining..and thinking twice about staying on and working on this bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE for the project.

I basically think everything comes in a package. If one is happy..one won't go unless told to go. But if i got to work with bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE and be so inefficient and not being myself and to go through all this. Sitting on my the chair..doing NOTHING..really Nothing! till the extend of i can take out my novel and start to read while waiting.. Then wats the point. I dun think i wanna compromise and test my patience to my limit. Anyway..its nearing my limit already. See me sitting on my seat like nothing has happened? Then the person got to be blind. I'm hitting the ceiling already.

Sad to say i have enough of weekend working and late night working. Till i find that its efficient for me to stay then i will stay else i see no point in staying. Stay to wait for that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE the i rather make my way home and sleep. Dun like it? can't meet dateline? Fire me then! i dun give a damm already. I WAS RESPONSIBLE TILL I HAVE ENOUGH OF THE BLOODT HELL IDIOTIC FUCKIING SLOW DAMM MACHINE!

Saturday Night

I had a very good Saturday altogether. Really a very nice evening. I worked till about almost 3 and went down to Hougang to meet Sel. He needed to purchase protein powder and i needed to get Cranberry capsule. Sel's bday month so there's discount from GNC.

After that we went to Hougang Mall's Hans to get a light snack for tea. Feeling rather sad actually, cos i have intended to spend this weekend with him to so call celebrate his bday. But unfortunately i fell sick and also had to work. I was really looking forward to the evening and yes! i did enjoy the evening.

Went back to his place to look at his tanks. The guppies have tails already. The Arowana seems pretty. But the big tank...filled with algae..abit dirty. After that left for our dinner. Suppose to go the hotel Mirama for the sushi thingy. But apparently the place was full and so we ended up in Amara Hotel having buffet dinner. We reach at 7 and eat all the way till 10 pm. Tables beside us came and left and we were still there going rather strong. Had lotsa sashimi. The cod was good. I like the buddha jump over the wall. We tried everything! We love the chocolate tuffle! Nice nice..

His company is always nice.. that's provided he's not grouchy or piss. Dinner was rather a silent one. Didn't really tok much. Just sit there and enjoy the food. Get opinion from each other on wat's nice. Basically just to enjoy each other for that evening i will say. We strolled from Amara backed to Amoy street. Walked passed Tras Street where my old office place was. The place kinda sleazy i will say. Hmm..now there's a 7E just below my old place then we continued to walked to Maxwell and finally back to my office. I brought my jacket with me after work cos i was wearing my bright yellow tank top and i concluded i will freeze during the buffet and i was not feelong too good that day. So since we are around the vincinity, i just pop by and deposited my jacket. Amoy street dun exactly seems very interesting at night. Caprice dun seem as interesting as Why Not?

Satuday @ Work

Going to work on sat. This is the second sat in the row already. Coming back on sat seems okie untill u realised that how ineffective the bloody computer can be. Its been almost an hour since i stepped in and i'm progressing at a bloody hell slow pace. Really not my fault. The bloody computer is so slow. Keeps on hanging on me. So frustrating. Sometime is just feel like telling them off. Get alive! u wanna ppl to work, get a resonably faster machine for us. Its so irritating!

Already not opening msn, not opening any web browser, not opening this and that and the bloody idiotic machine is already so freaking slow. I dun even have the database client installed on my comp. Was told to do so. But imagine if i did and open some other programs related to the database. Freak right! Just running the programs can kill me. Not like i have another machine to let me go multi task. Basically when i start running the program, my entrie comp becomes a useless piece of shit. Cos there's nothing else u can do on the comp else the machine will just jolly well hang.

By watever, i'm going to leave at 1 pm latest today. This entire project is so bloody inefficient thanks to a slow computer. What to do? Test a thing wait ages. Wait till one get so frastrated till i just feel like throwing the PC down or set it up on fire!

Luckily my buddy al let me use her comp and her lap top. Imagine i use 3 comps..then i feel more efficient. While building the appilication on my comp (which takes millions of mins) i'm like multi tasking to test the new things i did on either her lap top or her comp. Dunno why, her new comp is so much faster then mine! Hiahz. Anyway, i'm getting tired of this project i'm in. Not beacuse i dun like doing wat i'm doing but the wait for the things to start on the comp is far too slow and irrinoying.

okie..i started this blog at 10:19 and now it's way past the time i wanna go off..Well..abit more testing and Shoo..i'm going off! cannot take it anymore...continue doing and my life expectancy will be shorten by waiting!

Monday Morning ~ An whole lot of SHIT!

For once i can feel the stress in me..Yes! haven felt this way for a long long time already. The same feeling which i got when i was in uni rushing for project dateline. I can't sleep..thoughts of wat i'm left with just drowned me. Yet, there's nothing much i can do about it! not like i have my office lap top at home and can wake up to do things.

Really..i miss the office lap top. Previously for my old projects, at least i dun feel so helpless. At least i've got the lap top at my convinience. At least when i'm feeling that way, i still can wake up and do a little work to ease that horrible stress out feeling. But right now i can't. I am awaken middle of the night thinking about work.

Yes. I dun wish to stay back late too much. I need to rest and to actually think about some other matters at hand. I wanna spend time with my gal frens. I need them very badly right now. I need a break from all things. I need to break away. Just feel leaving SG for the time being. I just want my cousins to be with me now. I need lynnie badly. I need to cry my heart out on her bed at night..and chat with her till the mornings. I know she will scold and throw my phone out of the room. Last year this time, she did that to me and i did that to her.

I'm really struggling to finish this whole piece of shit work right now. Though i very much wanna run away. I know its my responsibility. I have to finish it up. Its tiring really. I dun know why everything must just fall at the same time. I'm really at a low right now..a real real low. I just feel like going for a drink..but really drink alot and cry out loud..puke and get drunk...

Weekends

Once again the weekend seems to be ending. 2 days and its soon going to be over. Time really flies. Went back to office yesterday (saturday) to get some work done and i caught Yi online and chatted with her a while. But decided that its really been too long since the last time we met and i needed to work. So she kinda suggested to meet for dinner.

Saturday..my blading day. Been sometime since i last blade. Made my way to ECP with Sel. By then, it was already evening. Blade from Mac to the food center and went further up to the Bedok Jetty. Supposed to try out the high slope thing..but it was kinda turning late so we kind U turn. Maybe i was turing a little tired half way through, fatigue sets in.. I fell down 2 times near mac area. The first fall left me with a long scratch mark on my neck. All thanks to the boy who was on blades and pulling a bicycle. I couldn't stop in time and Sel held me. But when i still lost control and his wrist guard just slashed my neck.

Just a bit down the road..another little boy didn't know where the hell he was going on his bike and so called went right into me. Its already so pack in the area plus i was tired..i just went down. I know Sel got very angry after that as we continued blading on. He shouted at the incoming traffic to keep on their lane.

Met Yi for dinner and tok a while. Catch up abit and its really nice to hear that she's really doing super well in her job. Came home, showered, chat online a while and went to sleep to prepare for today.

Amazingly after so long. I woke up when the sky is still dark. I woke up at 6 am. I'm supposed to be students of the training coaches. It starts at 8 am. I will say its not easy to pass to get the license to coach. My first coach was horrible! if he ever pass..i will say the entire thing is Kelong. Unluckily, Sel also got him afer the coaches rotated and he kinda concluded that if he pass, well..got to be some black magic.

Really had a good time wacking the balls. I gave really beautiful balls at times back. The "pok" sound on the rackquet! sounds so cool for once. My tennis seems to be improving and i think i kinda like it alot. Well, I know Sel wanna take a break. Hmm...just find that its kinda pity esp he took up the sports and invested a bit in it and he's doing not too bad. Hope his break won't be for long.

The entire thing ended at 1 pm. I dun know how many coaches i've tried. By the 2rd or 4th coach...i was almost completely blur. I start to forget their names and can't remember wat are the lessons taught by them. Well, all i remember was lots of volley and approach short. Apparently i cannot remember the lesson's title. The only title which sits nicely in my head is "Building a weapon"..ha ha...i believe my back hand seems to be a better weapon then my forehand.

I guess my mood got very crazy these days. I will say i really did enjoy myself during tennis. Really nice to get to know new ppl. Well....the new ppl are all gals..cos my group consist of 4 gals or should i say ladies..hee hee..K i'm really going to take a nap...waking up at 6 and really wacking the balls till 1 pm..kinda a bit shag..

My Date? last evening

Should it be considered a date? or just an outing. Its a mind boggling question i will say. Its always assumed that when a guy and a gal goes out, its a date. Is that how its supposed to be defined?

Anyway, I'll say Josh is a really nice person. Nice knowing him actually. Went for dinner at a ..should i say imitation crystal jade at Marina Square. Caught War of the Worlds at 910 pm. Show isn't that fantastic. Its just an OKIE!

Been finding a word to describe this new fren of mine. Was thinking of "cute" but it not good. Its too shallow a word to describe him. He's more then cute but less then something else (i can't find the word too). I guess i'll have to flip the dictionary soon to find a perfect word! When i'm done, i'll be so enlightened!

Maybe its really good to go out and make more frens. Afterall no harm done. New frens will mean new perspective in life. I guess its really time to care abit more for myself and love myself alittle more. Like wat my jie meis will tell me. Give urself a chance and others a chance. Spilled milk can never be recovered. Loongz said to me yesterday if the person have to go it means that he's not the right one.

For now, its work work and more work

In a state of confusion

I need to be at ease with myself badly. I'm torn between work and life. I'm too selfish to give up somethings which i know i have to give up in time to come and i can see the time coming. Its approaching fast. I'm way too torn between frenship and jealousy. Its inevitable i guess.

Each time i get busted out right when news comes to me. I know i shouldn't feel that way. But its improving maybe cos i'm knowing more people. Ed was right about somethings. I distance myself from Ed initially cos i know he's married and its not heatlhty for him to be around me all the time when i needed help or a listening ear. Yes. He screams at me, shouts at me, pester me like nobody's business. I know. He meant well.

I stand today at a cross road. To stay put, be filled with jealousy and keep the frenship? or to leave completely till i'm ready to face him as a fren again. Maybe the hurt isn't as great right now as compared to previously. Maybe i'm more prepared. Maybe i seek comfort in some other things. Maybe I opened myself up to the world...to meet new people and to make more frens be it guys and gals. Maybe i realised.. Yes! there are much better guys out there. Maybe letting go totally will be good.. then again, i seem to lack the courage. I'm sitting at the edge of the comfort zone. Falling either side will just hurt. Ouch! but i need to fall this time round.

I'm happy that i'm meeting someone new today. A new fren. Hee..he's my manager's fren actually. Shall call him Josh in here. Pre feelings about meeting him? I will say none apparently..Ma ma asked me..u so daring!!! go out with ppl whom u dun know?! OK! i trust my manager to a certain extend that Josh dun eat gals and that he's a nice person. Was on the phone last night with Josh for a while. Now i see the linkage on why he and my manager are such good frens. Cos apparently to me. They seem to be vocal in the same way with the exception that one is of higher pitch then the other..ha ha...