The Part and Parcel of Me..

What lies ahead?

2008-06-01T22:28:00.002+08:00

Been a wonderful, pretty, sweet and memorable past couple of weeks. We booked out flat. One more step to realising our dreams..26th May 2008 will be one of the dates which will go down to history in our dictionary.

It's been long and tiring to work this relationship out. Ours wasn't an easy going one...with my parents objecting, with me feeling paranoid etc. Maybe time, trust and the most important component - DON'T compare..made me realise that he is the one.

I'm happy that my parents has accepted him and provided us with all the help and assistance in getting the flat. Thought it will be more years to come before the flat is ready, but at least we are now closer to our dream come true.

I know it's kind of funny that we've bought the flat together without the proposal. hee hee..honestly, i'm looking forward to one sporty romantic one. I think it should be this year which i'll say the magical words. I'll keep this space posted in a couple of months time..cos i think it's coming..hints are all over now =)

Been ages isn't it...

2008-01-26T12:29:00.000+08:00

It's been almost a year since i last blog. Anway, maybe i should start this blogging habit once again =)

Well, things hasn't been too well since the start the year. Friends asked how am i doing, i'll go well, been busy with work and all is good. But well, the real fact is that i'm not feeling that great. My relationship seems to be on the rocks. We seem to quarrel so frequently. I don't know where am i heading to. I feel like leaving the country and leave him for the time being. I know i'm not being fair to him.

For some reason, my lifestyle and his doesn't seem to bland. Every weekend, we have the same issue. Prob this coming weekend will be the 6th week in a row which we face the same problem. I don't want my lifestyle to change becos of him. And i don't want his to change because of me. But it's difficult. I like town. I love crowded place. I'm forgoing all these cos of him. Yet, even a request to go to a neighbourhood mall will end up as a quarrelling topic. "Are we going to drive to the carpark?" "It's going to be crowded."

All of a sudden, i feel that my life has been taken over. All of a sudden, i visit the fish farms and plants nursery so frequent. Something which i try to accept. But i don't know why everything is taken forgranted. Everything is about him. But for me, i'm left all by myself.

Maybe taking time off from each other may help. Or to go on a short trip may help. I really don't know. I just hate feeling the same way week after week.

Maybe i should just leave

2007-02-19T12:40:00.000+08:00

It's chinese new year. But it's another sad new year. First was my boyfriend and now my parents. I'm so sick and tired to hear all the shouting and quarrelling at my parents end. I'm so sick and tired to here my BF this way..in the depress mood. I'm really considering a break up. If that happens, i'm moving out to stay on my home and be alone.

I thought our relationship went well. But as things progresses, i feel that our r/s is getting weaker each day. Never had we quarrelled so much before. Tolerance may be should be the word. But i just can't. I hate his depression. It spoils my day. I hate myself for not being able to cheer him up. Maybe it's his family problem and my family problem which make us in this state. I'm not happy. I don't think he is either.

As the day passes, for some reason, i feel that we are not compatible at all. We seem to be on both extreme ends. Balancing is so difficult. I want someone who is able to share my troubles and to work together. But i don't find comfort from him. Instead i have to comfort myself and pick him up. We should be working as a couple, but i feel that we are so individualistic now. I feel so sad.

Let's just give myself a couple months more to see how things turn out to be. But i'm mentally prepared for the worst. To just give up everything in life and to be alone.

Where am i?

2007-02-15T23:20:00.000+08:00

I'm just being too caught up at work. . .

I'm just trying hard to influence anything that comes my way.

I'm trying hard ease of the load.

I'm trying hard not to mess up my life.

I'm trying hard not to pressure the ppl around me.

I'm trying hard to cool off in the meeting.

I'm trying hard to learn to listen to comments.

I'm trying hard to be more open to ideas.

I'm trying hard to spend more time with my love ones (esp my little fur)

I'm trying hard to enjoy my life.

I'm trying hard to learn to relax.

I'm trying hard to physco myself that life is good..i'm on the right track..

I'm trying hard to tell myself to stop worrying.

I'm really trying..till it's driving me a little tispy.

Royce chocolate to kick off

2006-09-30T10:10:00.000+08:00

MK brought a box of Royce chocolate to bribe his 2 new inexperience manager. Despite being present in office, he set his email to out of office. So for the first time i had to go into the defect meeting alone. The Royce chocolate was chocking in me.

MK followed me into the defect meeting. CY from IL was there. Like me, he's a first timer to attend such meetings without MK. With the quiet exsitence of MK, we dialed in to the conference call and Mic was already in the conference. We introduced ourselves and he wasn't too happy cos MK and Ad from OP wasn't around. Maybe innocent is really a blessing. We had a chicken and duck talk. Soon after the meeting, he called me and wanted some information that was already send out previosly in the morning. He kind of raised his voice saying that the information wasn't send out this. Good thing i had the email opened and as he was scolding etc. I told him to turn to that section. And there it was, the information that he required. Pain in the ass.

He requested support for today's SIT testing. So i agreed. However, the support was to drop the application in case JMS goes down. So i forcefully asked him to provide the request no. before the end of the day in SG time. But i guessed he told the drop coordinator to do it for him cos he needs to go drinking. Ha ha..anyway. MK said that he will go back to help me do the drop. So nice of him.

So that's my first time experiencing heat.

The Journey Begins

2006-09-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

When opportunity knocks, it knock once only. Either grab it or it's gone. So i grab the opportunity. Accepting this opportunity will mean endless day and nights. There's a list of things in my wish list waiting to be tried with regards to my career. Merely one year into this job, i started off doing system testing, moving on the BAUs (Business as Usual) config. I requested to move into the CR team. So i got my request and worked under a super inexperience coordinator. I didn't like her style so i gave my best attitude ever.

I moved out of her team soon after and went into this release - Release 4.2. Big release i will say. MK is the coordinator for this release and i assisted in the config area as i have been liasing with the config team across the ocean. The team size of 4 was tough. We had only 2 weeks of build time. I'm impress by myself to pick up so much knowledge of the system during this time. But i'm still at not up on the mountain top yet. Still a long time to go.

So, another release is coming up and MK has to go over for the F&D phase. Leaving Cin and me as the more experience ones. However, Cin contract is soon ending and i guess if she's signing, she will move on to the next release to do IA or F&D as the phase is huge. Thus, leaving me as the most experience. So the opp knocks and i accepted the challenge - to be the coordinator of SIT/UAT/PT.

Role - Something which i will want to try. Lots of management work to do. Preparing implementation plans, coordinate testing, going through the list of defects by the dedicated testing team. Assigning out the defects to my repective team mates. Writing performance test script to be loaded in mercury. But i guess the toughest part is to gain respect and well like by my team mates.

I forsee myself working extremely late. But i want to use this chance to prove myself and as well challange myself in this new role. I'm slowing moving. I'm glad that after this try, more of my wish list will come true. However, each item on my wish list has a price to pay. For the past few months, i was so busy. I neglected my friends and most impt my little boy.

The bomb exploded

2006-07-16T00:44:00.000+08:00

Thursday was the starting of the sparks when during the wee working hours. I got into office, found a mail by the bitch asking me to perform some unit testing on my colleague's code who is on leave that day. So she came up to me while i was composing the mail, giving me the pathetic face, the please face. Apparently i told her off not giving or leaving her any face.

So i said. This CR was initially under your charge, then you move it over to the new person while you guided her. You said you sat beside her for 3 days coaching her and reviewed her codes. So why did the codes slip into a state of no return, till you need extra help to fix the shit you created. I continued to add fire by saying, this CR reuqirements was so much more simplied then the previous gathered. Timeline was still following the old requirements, so apparently, there was more then enough time to complete. What's more is Cin has already coded and unit tested another part of yout CR while she edited the file for her own CR. I don't think the complexity is really that huge to require 3 heads. So i told her, i'll do the unit test, but i will not be fixing the bugs. I'm not the one in charge of the CR so i'm just doing you and giving KL face to perform the unit test. So she got rather piss..by evening, she stepped on the feet of Cin by telling her that her codes were wrong. How more dumb can this get when we told her that, hey..it's your codes which wasn't coded on top of the lastest in source control tool. So more lame reasons came out.

Thursday, Cin complained to KL. Friday morning was my turn. I bombared KL and told KL that i feel like i'm working under an idiot and have to see her face when she tries to push thourgh a idoit idea and when we speak out. So, we had our release meeting on friday at 4 pm when she announced that the code merge deadline has been extended by on more day. When't the actual deadline? Friday itself. So after the meeting, KL dropped me an email and asked if i got anything to say after the meeting. I said, time line not being respected once agian. Ppl worked so hard and stayed late to finish up code merge on thurs because so bloody bitch emphasize that timeline can't slip..must swing into unit test on monday. Then at 4 pm say time line extended. So i said, its almost end of friday, it's another brainless move cos most of our things are done. Then i learned from Cin that the bitch hasn't completed her yet.

So, to put it in a nut shell, only when she can't complete her task then the timeline is being extended to her benefit. So for the rest of us, we just have to try to push through to whatever timeline that she had fix. Since she emphasize so much on timeline, so i just shoot her back during the meeting to force code merge unit test back to monday. Good thing everyone else is done with the merge. She must be damm du lan with me. But she don't have a choice. She stepped on my tail so she's gonna suffer if one small mistake is made. I made my point very clear to KL when KL said that he will try to put me under MK not round but he said the decision still lies with boss. So i told KL..I don't have a choice to who i have to work with. But i do have a choice to decide if i want to work with the person and the environment.

When was the last time?

2006-07-11T23:52:00.000+08:00

So when was the last time i blog in here? Been ages. Time ticks away so fast. Everday seems to pass without me even knowing. I've been so so caught up with work till i don't recall when was the last time i had time to do my own stuffs. Do i really have to work so hard? Actually i'm not too certain myself.

Office politics is catching up. I'm trying hard not to be within the circle of the talking point. Boot licking, adding curry powder, chillie powder, or watever sort of powder. Just makes me feel so digusted. Just feel like going up to the bitch and say. Why not just sleep with the boss and you will bound to have a triple promotion and you won't have to be mixing with us.

Good thing the CR team stands strong with support from the rest of the other releases team. Having 2 members like Cin and Me really is a pain the ass for that bitch. Logically speaking that bitch shouldn't be leading cos she has a whole lot to learn before taking on this role.

Lousy suggestion that screwed her upside down inside out by cin and me. Not once not twice but so many time. It's rather fun to play along to see her back support unable to protect her cos her suggestions were ultra dumb. Her timeline got critised by me in front of the team lead. She tried to eat me and cin but she gave up cos we were both more experience then her in terms of working experience.

So here comes the newly fresh out of the oven ppl. The fresh grad. So her target changed cos she can't do anything more to us cos all her plans always keep back fire. So now the new ppl are taking her nonsense, getting bullied by her. But too bad, too many pairs of eyes are eyeing on her. So she allocated half the work load to herself and the remaining half to the 5 of us. Thinking that she will be gaining all the credit for being so capable, her plans backfired during the meeting whe her enemy pointed out that all her files do not require any merge. Just need to check into the source control tool. So there goes her credit infront of th team lead.

The show just gets better each day. Having someone trying to lead with no one standing at her end is as good as not leading. So efforts were made into trying to improve relationship by her. But too bad, her enemies decide to play by strategy. How more thick skin can one get when one just tags along without any invitation to lunch or breakfast. Thick skin thats how her enemy puts it.

It got so bad till i feel like i'm right now back into primary school when you have a whole gang not wanting to fren you and no one likes you. Then during recess time, the gang tries to move out fast without you knowing cos they don't want you to tag along. Childish right? But what to do.

MK and KL will be going over to Sydney the following week. Poor me in SG going to be assisting KL cos i'm the config BAU gal! So when the sydney team says, let the ST team decide on the timeline. So proud to say, i'm the only one in the team! Funny isn't it. It's ultra tiring to teach a bunch of non IT ppl how to do config changes. Oh..config changes here means changing the prices in the Database for their marketing promotions. So i hosted a series of trainings with KL to teach the aussie ppl. I came up with incredible quiz to test how much they have absorbed in class. Ha ha..

Now i'm sleepy. Going to Zzzz. Intresting to be seeing office politics and to be the spoiler of others plan. But well, it's not delibrate. It's just voicing out.

When everything is part of convenience

2006-05-25T15:50:00.000+08:00

Convenience equates to since you will be doing this, just add that and since u are doing that, just add this. So convenient isn't it. So this afternoon attended another gruesome conference call. Another call which i had to strain my ear to fish out words.

My presence in the conference is not meant. I added zero value to it. So why there. Cos in time to come, i'll be the person hosting conferences. I'm there today and previously cos i need to get a hang of the accent. To learn from the experts on how to deal with the "convenience" user. Though you have someone over the other end trying to lull the users and to translate/summaries their train of thought to us, its still almost useless. The only thing which i sees in this guy is that his accent isn't that strong and that i can understand him.

So convenient isn't it? Well, so we are mean as well. We know you do have the money. So raise it somewhere else and roll out some other time. No convenience.

Terrible. But i won't blame them cos if i'm them, i'll also behave this way. Impt thing now is i got to try harder during next conference call to catch more words. Else my grave is near.

When there are too many accent in one conversation

2006-05-23T15:45:00.000+08:00

When there are multiple ppl in a conference call which projects all sorts of accent, my hearing got impaired. All i hear was noise. I could not comprehen a single word coming out. 15 mins into the conference call that i finally managed to catched some key words. But failed to capture any proper sentences.

So when its time to speak, we didn't managed to speak in a Sporean accent. What came out of the mouth was a mixture of the aussie, viet, HKer, indian accent. Its was gross and awful. We looked at each other and laughed muting the speaker phones.

I thought i was the only one not being able to catch a single thing out of the 1 hour plus conference call. But i was wrong. Even the long timers had a hard time fishing out the words. So the conference wasn't a very pleasant session after all.

Moral of story, never have conference call with multiple ppl with all projecting different accent in a upheated conversation. But the fact is that my ears will still be punish tomorrow cos i still have another session to go.

Tick Tok Tick Tok..

2006-05-09T15:52:00.000+08:00

Waiting for the old grand father clock to tick itself till the time i can step out of this old building. It doesn't really hold much memories for me and i can't really be bothered as well. All i'm concern its i need to step out of this god damm stuffy room to the outside and look forward to tomorrow's new location.

The level is the host for almost 400 of us..and my seat number 276. Dun ask me where i do not know where and which corner of that space my table is located at. Was told to be prepared cos the table isn't as big as expected.

30 more mins to the so call packing time.

Down goes the Aircon

2006-05-08T13:57:00.000+08:00

So the aircon started to went down a week ago till today its almost gone. Management didn't apparently did anything to restore the air con cos we are going to move out tomorrow. Meaning i still have one day to suffer.

No aircon makes me grouchy. No mood to work. No mood to look at codes..No mood to refresh J2EE. No mood to do anything! Its so so much cooler in the toilet then in this room!dunno why for some reason they build a panel of glass outside the window and its like blocking the air. Its so stuffy. There's like 30 odd ppl in here and they just provided 2 fans..So pathetic. Sigh.

Grumbles...going to leave on the dot today again. Life sucks with the warm weather. I wonder why didn't one of the election topic be making SG into a aircon capusle. At least i'll be happier and need not suffer from the global warming!

Curly curls.

2006-05-01T20:14:00.000+08:00

So i've gotten a new hair style. I went to curl my hair on sat. Ha. Spend a bomb on it but its still relatively cheaper then if i did it in Spore. Met my colleague and her BF at 9 am outside coronation plaza, hop on bus 170 and we are into M'sia. By 1130 am, i'm comfortably sitted on the chair in the salon. Heart slightly pounding cos its the first time i'm curling and i'm afraid it will turn out like maggie mee.

So the entire process started. First was treatment, then wash hair..cut..and after that comes the scarry part. The perm. First she applied dunno wat thing on my hair, then left it for dunno how long, the followed by putting on the curls..soon after my head was like an alien head with lots of cables sticking out. The cables were then attached to a machine. Then my head started to become hot. The machine was left on my head for 20 mins before it went off. I continued to sit there for the next 20 mins to wait for the curls to dry off.

After that, the curlers were removed from my head! i got a shocked of my life! ha ha..my hair was like maggie meee...my hair was shorten by super alot! Then the guy kind of told me..dun worry..its not done. Has yet to put the chemical which will kind of straighten it out to big and medium curls..then i was kind of relax abit..After the chemical set in and after the wash, the end product was kind of nice. Hee...thats when i kind of ease off a bit. Was kind of happy to see the end product.

So today its the first time i washed my hair since then. Dunno why, i can't seem to be able to do it as nicely as wat the hair stylist did for me..Hmm...i bought hair wax for perms as well. I'm hoping at least the perms will last for at least 6 months? I'm getting paranoid as well. Kept on thinking that the curls are like straightening out. Ha ha..

Happy happy. Can't wait to try the new hair wax out on my hair tomorrow morning!

Cash Cow no more?

2006-04-24T10:22:00.000+08:00

Feeling so so poor now after i bought another pair of shoes from URS on friday. Well, no choice since my pig skin flat shoes from Exodus is breaking up. So saw a nice pair but it didn't look nice on me. Another not so nice pair look very nice on me so i got the not so nice pair.

We finally managed to find my Evita hair accessories. Little boy bought me the pink one. Ha ha, i'm in the mood of pink again. Its not the baby pink but its the bright pink! very nice. Took picture of it. But i haven had time to upload the pics as of yet.

Went on shopping at kino and little boy bought me a set of pastel coloured pens cos mine all dried up since school days and i wanted to buy new ones..hee..We ended up in starbucks for coffee to round up the day.

Saturday morning, we went to the china town market to see cat fish and eels..but the eels they sell are not the ones little boy wanted. Hee hee..After that we procceed on to China Sq Tea House to have dim sum. Haven been there for a long long time and also its little boy's first time there. So i treat nor..ha ha..nice nice..ate lot! Supposed to have Mr Teh Tarik cos i haven't had it for a long time but well, too full already so had to give it a miss.

Waited for the bus to go serangoon central and was sucking the lollipop. haven had a lolli for ages already. Taste rather nice. So we proceed on too serangoon central and bought the ugly Mory Eel. Ha ha..Went back to his home and put the eel into the tank and proceed on for dinner. After dineer, we went to the Marine Parade lib and borrowed some books, sank into the comfy sofa...rest and relax.

Training.

2006-04-21T13:28:00.000+08:00

So this morning i came into office slightly earlier then usual cos there was a training on peer review and functional requirement gathering for quality control. The training was provided cos since we are partners with ac thus we are required to follow their style of project management.

The training was rather interactive with activities in between to keep us awake. Learned quite a fair bit of new things. ie. the reasons of peer review, the style and way peer reviews are done, the effectiveness on these peer reviews. But the entire session for this peer review is mainly trying to convince us to perform peer review. Learnt also the differences between the words Faults, Defects and Error. Also, the cost of detecting one of the previous mentions. The cost of a fault is much more expensive then defects. And usually when a fault or defect surfaces, the cost will be escalated by almost 30% since the final product is already done and the change has to be done all the way back to the design stage.

Learnt another things which is rather useful and i didn't have knowledge about it previously. There is a thin line bewteen requirements doc and functional doc and design doc. Learnt wat should be in wat and how to restructure sentence to remove ambiguity. Was also thought that there should be a baseline doc to follow and once signed, everything will be build upon this doc. Thus, everything in this doc got to be concise, direct and detailed. If the client wants to build a car, the doc must fully describe the car and not in the end after building becomes a motorcycle.

The trainer said one thing which really hit me due to my previous project in my ex company. It exactly reflects the sceanario. The functional doc was not specific enough. There were so many ambiguity when build started. Functional was not done properly. The end product was not what the user had expected. Timeline drag and drag and drag and yet budget was constant. Do not know what they asked for is a new request or exisiting just that we did wrongly cos the baseline was not define clearly and it wasn't signed off.

Hmm..Really amazing to see how the quality control ppl come up with guidelines to ensure on time project deliveries. But i will say, beacuse there are so many things to be done, there isn't much time to do everything. Thus, the task is left to the pm to decide with guidelines he wants to follow and suits the project best. Ha ha. But the PM from ac in this project is really good i will say.

I miss England so so much.

2006-04-19T15:49:00.000+08:00

So my laptop screen saver triggered the miss. Then i started to flipped through the folders and the album of my England pics. How time flies..Been almost 2 years since my trip there. But its the most enjoyable and most fun trip. Reason might be due to there were no parents around and also its the first time 4 cousins are travelled together with another fren. 5 gals with huge bags on our shoulders. Hee..

So i just went through one of little boy's fren online album. She's right now studying in Brimingham (if i'm not wrong) and i guess she just visited Nottingham. So beautiful..The streets looks so familar once again. The statues, the brick like buildings, the grass patches..the look down from one of the cathedrals..all bring back so much memories.

All the memories, i wonder when is the next time i'll step foot on this country again. But if i'm going back there again, i'll make sure i'll spend alot of time there. At least i don't experience communication problem there. Hee..i miss the fish and chips with malt vinegar at lake district. I miss the red wine and salmon pasta i had in Dublin..I remembered clearly how the waitress face changed when we said we were from Singapore instead of China. I want to go back to London. I love london! go there for shopping. Dorothy Perkins, Warehouse, M&S, H&M and lots lots more. I want to sit on top of the red bus..(similar concept to the Hippo Bus in SG). I want to hear stories about london city. I want to visit the palaces again. I want to visit the castles again. I want to have late night out at ice place again.

Maybe next round, might just ask the gang to go on a road trip instead...to have a Harry Potter adventure. To visit the castle which the film Harry Potter. If my memory hasn't failed me..its in Oxford..I miss the time when Lynnie picked up sheep shit and tell me its tree buck when we sat on it for photo taking. but there won't any trees ard. Its just plain grass fields with tonnes of sheeps graazing...i remembered the cool breeze sweeping across my face..the laughter, the joy. I miss the chips..the chippies which lynnie will keep in her bag and take out to munch once in a while when we are on the topless bus..i remembered how the tuna are like over there...The plain canned tunas will come with corns in it and our dearest ma ma (mabel, my cousin.) will prepare the bread for us in the morning.

I miss climbing and walking and running with my almost 20 KG bag on my shoulder..chasing for the trains which half the time we will miss.. and we will be so pathetic like those in the amazing race while waiting for the next one. I miss the starbucks! the starbucks which we will have every morning. A bunch of grossly caffinated pppl..ha ha...i miss standing behind the wall trying to block oursleves from the super coolllldddd strong wind while waiting for the taxi to come.

So when so when so when again will i every go back. But but, i think next place which i want to visit is Korea during Autumn.. and i want to go prague and venice. I somewhat have this impression that prague and venice are the most romantic places on earth..Hey, little boy! heard that..save money to go there for honey moony next time yah! Love you!

So now back to reality..got to continue looking at the database and my excel file to check what i've loaded is correct. Back to earth liao.

The hole is getting bigger.

2006-04-17T10:10:00.000+08:00

So the long weekend just Zooom past. And it Zoom past so fast till there was a strong flame causing is huge hole in my pockets!!

Its feels real shiok to just shop and shop. But it feels really sucky when u go to the ATM and realised there isn't much left to spend! Sigh! poor me. But i guess once in a while i'll just have to pamper myself abit right? Especially these days when i'm grouchy and unhappy with my work. Thats the perfect reason for spending just to make myself happy isn't it. Lame i know. But who cares?!

Friday was the beginning of the flames. I slept till super late, got up did my tank and found a bug in my tank. Looks like prawn and spider. Mutated? It has 6 legs tough. Looks kinda fat. Its was on the sand bed, well camoflauge. Initially, i thought it was a dead rotting prawn cos the last time my little shirmp died, i couldn't find the body till today. So i thought it was the dead body. Apparently it wasn't. It started to moved and i pierced the pincer into the mid section, took it out to a container. It was still strong though.

Went out for dinner at The fish and chips should near clark quay station. Was still early for our 9.20 show Firewall. So, we strolled down to china town area to find a greying population. I told him if i'm gonna be here constantly i'll feel so old soon. Ha ha, went in to OG. Thats when disaster struck! i bought a GUESS tote bag. Followed that, we went over to PS..Charles and Keith. Saw a pair of super nice shoes. Kinda look nice on me as well.. hee hee..not that expensive though. Heel is about 1 inch plus plus. Can still walk with it cos its shoes. I dislike the sandals type of footwear which more the half of SG gals are wearing. I still prefer black high heel shoes! But i wanted to get the discount card..so kinda stop the shooping there as movie is starting.

Saturday afternoon, i bought 2 pairs of shoes from CK and became a member. But still i'm short of one more causal footware. Kinda like a pair of greenie shoes from Exodus. Price is hmm..a little pricey though. Went to Unity Pharmacy and bought some hair tonic which cost alot! and some vits. But for a good cause, the money is well spend...hee hee..For some reason, i can't seem to find Evita hair accessories in most shopping places these days. Anyone knows where the botique is? i want to get pretty pretty hair accessories.

For i'm so numb with red and white.

2006-04-11T09:13:00.000+08:00

Been almost 3 months in this red and white place. Well, i had great aspirations and hopes when i first step in here. But today, once again, i dread to come to work. I dislike the culture here. I've portrayed myself to be irresponsible with all my slip shot work. Thats not me i know. But they left me with no choice. I dread the work i'm doing. Though work is some what different from my previous coy. But still, thats not what i want to do forever. The word IT don't seem to fit in my life description anymore. And yes, maybe i should do something about it.

Sales, i know i'm not in for it. But the banking world seems so so so much more interesting then IT. Maybe cos i'm not in it yet thus i do not know the difficulties which i will face and if i will like the job. But i thought, hmm...maybe i can give it a try cos its no sooner that i will leave this job. The temptation is so strong to just throw that letter once again.

I need a life. I don't want the job to rules over my life. I don't want to spend my weekends back in this office. I want to spend time with my little boy and my sofa set. I want to go shopping. I want to plan activitites for the weekend way before. I just refuse to come back on weekends. Its something which i really dread. Wats the point of coming back when i don't get any incentive? We are like slaves to the red and white foreign purchase. I get the list at 4 pm and have to fix before i leave. Whats the point. Its supposed to be 6 pm everyday and 530 on friday. Have i ever left on the dot? The ans is no. I stayed till 7 and i still get the god damm f*** up look from that asshole.

Let's just say yah, in the new industry i might not be able to leave on the dot as well. But well, at least i MIGHT be happier learning new things which i want to learn (which i cant define what i want to learn). IT. i dun think is really the one. Instead of wasting time here, maybe i should just throw the letter, do some finiancial courses and maybe barclays, bloomberg? Sounds tough though. But i always wanted to be in that power suit in the business world. Should i give it a try? And sorry guys, for some reason, i kind of hate ur species these days other then my little boy. Cos he's just a little boy. Pardon him yah. But i really hope one day i will head a dept with all the guys under me. And ... u ppl will know the outcome yah =)

Moving moving...

2006-03-29T09:12:00.000+08:00

So finally its confirmed that we are moving. The new place is under renovation right now. Went for a briefing the other day and well, rules rules rules. There are like thousand and one rules in the new work place. But well, as we all know, most s'poreans are super civic minded. Thus, these rules are already part and parcel of us. Nothing much to be astonished about. But of course the foreigners were a little taken back.

The new level will be hosting almost 400 of us. With glass door discussion rooms which can hold up to about 7 to 8 ppl at a go, huge meeting rooms, breakout area -with 2 microwave ovens, fridge, water tap for both hot and cold water (means there is no need to boil water already.), dinning area, high table (al, want to come over my side? there's high table for u to stand and work..hee hee) and a open area for smoking. Hmm...seems like a lot of IT ppl here smokes.

Bad part is that my dept is going to be at the real far end. Ther last part of the area. Meaning, every morning i'll have to walk about 100 metres to my destination. Hopefully the aircon is gonna be strong else i'll be melting. Walk walk walk, finally to the desk. Semi transparent partition? U can see ur neighbour but u can't see wat he is doing. Here comes the part which i'm curious to find out. That's under the table. From what i can imagine from the briefing session, under table seems to be miraculously big. The CPU is not gonna be placed on the floor. It will be placed under the table behind the build in cabinets. In a position hidden by the naked eye yet the power on button is visible to the eye. Thats like..Hmmm..well, no files to be on the table. All files must be hidden under the table. There is another cabinet on the other side of the table to neatly keep out barangs. If there isn't sufficient space, there are the cabinets for every individuals to use.

Finally, why so many cabinets? Well, cos according to the person, we IT ppl tends to be very messy. Wires all over the place, papers all over. Already over here, we dun even shred our own confidential papers. We just dump into the store and the employ 3rd parties to shred. So new place, new rules - basically to keep the neat look in the place. Lets hope my bee hive will have 2 other ppl whom i'm familar with. Well, the positioning are in cluster of 3s.

Starting the county down ..

2006-03-13T14:04:00.000+08:00

Once again the cycle repeates itself...Counting down to the weekend again. Long count down =( ha ha..cos today its monday.

My weekend. All things went well. Facial on sat, proceed to comcentre to convert my res line and HP line to my name to get staff rates. Proceed on to paragon M1 to claim reward points. Of course made it to R&R at starbucks parkway. Really nice to get a book from the lib and just nuah at starbucks. The day went well except for the stupid weather. Can't stand this weather.

Terrible me right? Never seem to be happy with anything in this little sunny country. Dun think i can qualify for some patriotic citizen. Ha ha..so now i'm going to get back to work. Thinking of handing part of my things to my colleague..Since the manager asked him to help me out =) hee hee..

Reason to be happy!

2006-03-10T13:12:00.000+08:00

Happy? Of course =) cos its soon the long awaited weekend. Looking forward to this coming saturday. Lots of activities planned. Hopefully nothing will cock up and mess up the plans.

Had early lunch today coz some of them have meeting at 1 pm with Aussie side. Didn't have much appetite and still feeling bloated. KL is not in today and i'm stuck with ranges of numbers. Guess i've got to leave that aside and proceed on with others first and settle it on monday.

Lots of upcoming things to settle. Crossing my fingers, hoping that i get China Moo Moo. Anyway, i can only take out 50% of the profit if i make any. Sigh. That's the conditioned laid down by my parents. Dad so called left the finiding out of insurance/investment policy for me to settle myself. So right now, trying hard to learn the hard way. There goes all my spoon feeding. Well, of course..dad will still be there to make the final decision after all my analysis.

Poor me. Thousand and one things to learn these day. Learning all sort of ways to make money..and yes, i've given up on learning any computer techy stuffs at the moment cos they dun really give me profit plus i dun like them. Sunday lesson by my dad on financial things really gives me a headache. I've yet to revise any of my technical analysis. Though sometimes my dad will call me to his comp and asked me wat i think about this share. So i see the charts..tell him my analysis to it. Techincal analysis. Interesting topic. But yet, hard to master. Think i'm going to find sponsor (Dad) to send me for some technical analysis courses organise up by SGX. This is 100% more interesting then learning any of the computer framework. Tuition agency sms me for tuition assignment. But i rejected them cos the student is a guy. The tuition guy commented that i should look out for rates rather then the gender. And i commented that if the guy is willing to pay 35 per hour, i'll take.. ha ha..

I intend to take up one more tuition assignment. If only this job had provided me with just a slightly better pay. Sigh..guess i'll have to wait for another year or so before i hit the target my dad set for me before he buys a car for me =( Cos i've got to pay for petrol and carpark at the min. Already targetted on the car. Ha ha..but just today, i've spotted another nice car. Maybe its all fated. Cos when i was in JC, i told my dad, i want to own a Honda Civic by the age of 23 (past the age already). Then recently, i change my choice of car, cos Honda Civic got rather ugly. But today, i've spotted the latest Honda Civic. Nice nice..i like it =) price mah..dun think my dad will like it though..ha ha.

Did the news just say fresh grads from last year got a started pay of 2.5 K?! Freaking idiotic that i have to grad one batch earlier right? Sigh! Did anyone saw the report? abuot the non local local NTU guy getting a starting pay of almost 10k?! Tell me 10 good reason why should local students like us support local university? Are we protected in any sense like the Americans? The ans is outright. For all i know, they sucks big time!

Mixing around.

2006-03-09T13:51:00.000+08:00

Seems like i'm still harbouring the same character since i was a kid. I've never been the center of attraction among my frens, i've never really have good frens in school and i dun really mix around. I just feel uncomfortable with ppl whom i dun knoe.

Today, there's farewell lunch again. Lets see, this is the 5th farewwell lunch since i came on 9 jan. Anyway, we went to the pizza place behind. Feels alittle like spizza, but it doesn't taste as nice. Felt weird with the company. Its the kind of feeling i felt when i was a kid, a teenager. Everyone chatting and there i am, sitting quietly. Just feel so inferior with them. They discuss things which i'm aliened about because i'm rather new here. Just feel so left out. I feel so much more comfortable if i dun go lunch with the enitre dept but just with my lunch mates.

Anyway, i just dun like the culture here at all. Things are so different. I never attend much of their functions or outings and i intend to keep that way. Just finish my allocated work and go off. I dun want to get involved with politics in here. I am actually thinking of resigning and take a break. I guess i didn't have a good break the last time when i left my old company. And at the same time, think of what i really want to do. Sigh. Feel so demoralised now. Just dun feel like doing anything.

Terrible terrible mood

The same everyday ...

2006-03-07T08:53:00.000+08:00

How time flies, but i dun see any much improvement in my life. Everything feels so so stagnant. Is it because this in SG? there isn't much to do? or issit because i'm just like another s'porean? Not sure though. But i'm pretty sure that i'm one of the lucky sporeans who is right now sitting in the office early in the morning.

Well, sometimes i wonder why do we work so hard? For a better future? For a better life? Life sucks in fact to work and work. Sigh. Just want to spend more time with little boy =). Everyweekend seems to past way to fast to even knowledge each other's company. Before u even know it, its working monday again. Monday to Friday, work and work. No time for any other things. By the time i reach home, dead tired. Sigh, wat a life i have.

Maybe its time to consider a change in my daily routine. Start planning for my next year to wat i want to do. Maybe find another job which is less mandane to all my previous job. Maybe i should try out marketing. See, its marketing and not sales. I always wanted to try out marketing but dun really have the opportunity to do so. Maybe its time to change lines. =)

On a Bias Point of View.

2006-03-03T10:25:00.000+08:00

Learnt something interesting this morning when i asked why issit that at each step of the project cycle, the person doing each step is different. I asked won't it be more efficient if the person being part of that module functional build the module, do the test scripts? I found the answer given to be very interesting. The word "Bias" was the answer.

I found it weird that unit test scripts are not written by the programmers themselve. They are written by our fellow team mates. The system test scripts are not written by the programmer or the person writing unit test script. I didn;t kind of understand cos i thought the person most familar would be the best person to write it all. But i was told that the ans was no. This person will have a bias pt of view because the end product was done by him/her.

As i did my system test and the system test scripts perviously for different releases, all i had was the functional. I was told to write test script based on functional rrequirements at the level of the user. I need not care how the programmer codes or how the build design is. I just put down the steps and my expected end product. After finishing the test scripts, i will submit to the head who will just vet through. All this is done concurrently while the developers are building. When all is done, the developers will run through the unit test scripts prepared by another individual and to make sure all is right before swinging into the system test phase. System test is then again handled by another individual. There is no one bias pt of view and usually and i find it very effective when i come to think about it..things which one party missed out, another party would have taken it into consideration.

Basically, i feel that this can only be done if the functional is firm and updated. Over here, functional is the one we use to cover our asses when we go to war. So as long as we stand by the functional, we are fine. Everyhthing done must have a proof and the best way is to capture screen shots. All bugs submitted are to be attached with screen captures and the relevant data used. Thats the tradition and culture here.

Nice learning ways to be effective and efficient.

Everyday is a learning day.

2006-03-02T10:14:00.000+08:00

All the grumbles of this new job initially. Ha, but i'm really happy that all of that are well paid off. Thanks little boy all the while for all the encouragement. Soon into my third month. I'm already learning more then my previous job. Really lucky i well say. I'm not too certain the things i'm learning is more worth while or continue doing coding will be more worth it. But at least i'm happy to be learning new things.

Someone wants mentioned this to me, "Business is the Key Drive to IT. Without business, there won't be IT." Though, i might not have understand this fully till now, but this sentence do make more sense to me after yesterday's IA (impact analysis) meeting. Yes, i am now the key holder of Biz As Usual change. I will be the only in here doing biz as usual as my part time job cos they "sold" me as a whole person dedicated to this task.

I went through the entire set of changes required. Basically all the change requried are biz driven. Biz in the form of income, revenue. So i was thinking. If there's isn't any biz drive from the marketing side, then there won't be the position created. If there wasn't the biz drive for systems to cut cost and improve revenue, there won't be positions for IT ppl. Then we are out of biz. Thus, i kind of believe that line once mentioned to me is very true. IT, the line of all evil deeds to the data entry clerks, to the customer service, cos they will be out of job as a result of the IT expertise.

I read in the papers sometime back that everyone should note down wat they have learned so as to not forget in time to come. Should be noted down to the extend of the steps taken. Yes, i'm considering setting up a log book to note down all the things which i've learnt. Esp the key points. So why not use a PC to note down? Cos i'm still a very paper person. I still love drawing in organisers with all the different coloured pens, to read from hard copies. =)

I was injected the devil potion during the IA meeting. They taught me on a smaller skill on how to analysis effort and to come out with the time line. They taught me the buffer and the push the job away. Though they buy me for a month, but my official time which i should be spending on this job should only be ard 9 days to the max. There is no room for negotiation. When going for a battle, we must win. Find the weakness in the documents and fight it out. Never accept more then what i can handle. Once all docs are signed, no more changes can be made. Basically there won't be any code change for those which i'm supposed to handle. They are just DB changes. But the fact is that there are tonnes of changes and updates to the DB in just a month cos of biz drive.

Visualise a little, i need roughly 2 days to understand the entire structure to this part of the DB. The doc is like 50 page long to learn how to manipulate the data in the tables etc etc. Goodness! no wonder every new person has to go through this state. I'm looking forward for the months to come to actually do a CR all the way down. CR scope are much much bigger. Time required is about 3 months in all before it drops into the SIT stage.

Well, happy happy, mood improved alot. =)

Rain`Shine`Spoon Feeding ... No more

2006-02-20T14:14:00.000+08:00

Everyday is a sunny day over at my previous company. The only thing which i had to face is the comp and the codes. There's no rain or storm. Everything is neatly in place. The umbralla sheltering the storm is big and strong. Kudos to the one sheltering the storm all the time. That's almost a deceiving environment. I realised that way of pamper will never exisits in a team more then 2 times the size of the workforce of my previous coy. The shelter does not exisit.

Today, i'm out of the testing team and i'm suppose to start on CR (change request). Total lost again. I was told that i'm going to do BAU (biz as usual). That's a sub category of CR. Basically CR take at leat 2 months before going in system test, SIT, UAT. As for BAU, the turn ard time is about 2 to 3 weeks and it goes straight into UAT then go live. I was told to attend a meeting at 1 pm just now witht the Aust Biz Manager to disucss about the next release of the BAU. Luckily, the meeting was cancelled the last min.

Day 1 into CR team. No orientation to anything. I'm just given the timeline and yes, i have things to do on my very first day in this team. No spoon feeding here. Bascially, you got to ask whomever for the necessary locations to where things are and take the initiative to start doing, reading, or watever its allocated to you. *STRESS* *SCARED*

As i look at the CRs docs, i never did realised that its so complicated in terms of managing. Somethings which my prev coy didn't do and i think it takes alot of man days just to do such things. But i guess its like wat the chinese call. "Bao Chang". Everything moves in a very orderly process here. A CR will come in with a properly design form for the biz user to fill up. The anaylst here will then make the necessary clarification and propose the design etc. It will then be send back for confirmation. Once confirm (sign off), that's when the build and DD (detailed design) will start. 1 CR detailed design doc is almost like my ex coy 1 functional specs. The content inside is really alot. To a point of wat files needs to be change, and what changes is required. Bascially, the programmer just needs to follow the DD to make the changes. Once the thing is sign off, no more chances can be made unless text changes. Else, it will be another change request.

And yes, i'll be liasing with the Biz Manager over at aust and everyone is telling me she's a tyrant! Basically she's unfriednly to us cos she hates us to the core! cannot imagine. Ha ha..3 enemies. Op Vs allies (Ac & St) on international standard, Ac Vs St on national standard. The fight is on! ha ha..Though i dun like the way Ac ppl work and their attitude, but i did learn things afetr all from them. Management is very impt to make sure everything is on time to make a profit instead of a loss. Everything ought to be documented as a form of proof. Eveything is MONEY!! ha ha.. The cost of fixing a bug in SIT or UAT is more expensive as compared to fix in unit or system test.

So there goes the sheltered environment i once use to enjoy! Welcome to the new world of excitments and roller coaster rides!

First Grumble

2006-02-17T08:57:00.000+08:00

Well, been more then a month in this new job and finally the grumbles start to appear. I was furious last night and more furious this morning. System testing which i'm doing is on the verge of closing. Today is the last day and next week, proceed into SIT which i won't be involved already.

Well, the part which i'm so called testing isn't working for a certain sceanario. The application team knows about the urgency of this problem. Its was noted like 2 days ago with the a critical status. So last evening, i went to ask nita about the status of the fixed and if i can go home already since everything else is done. Blood boiled when she said, i can't go as i have to do the system test for this part by today. She told me that the developers said that it will be in the next code promotion. So i asked her, wats the estimated time before i can test. The developers said dunno, prob an infinate wait. So i told her, i won't be waiting cos its pointless unless she can give me a confirm time for me to test.

With MK, Nita and the developer ard, MK asked the developer the qns. So when will it be ready and his reply is no fixed has been done yet. He just put debugging statements into the code. He needs to run and see the debug statement before knowing where went wrong. So wat? wait for him to promote codes? which is dunno wat time ..plus wait for him to do fixes after seeing the debug statements, which is dunno how long, plus not a guranteed job. then wait for next code promotion to the testing environment which is dunno wat time. So in the end i said. I come in earlier. Which apparently that AC bitch didn't like the idea. But who cares? I dun work for AC, i work for ST. So i came in early this morning and guess wat? The thing is not fixed and its still not working. A fact is a fact, if i stayed, i will be a super dumbo. Luckily i'm not.

Now i do understand why the ST ppl hates the AC ppl to the core. According to MK we are enemies in this room. WH mentioned that AC ppl working hours if actually calculate is about the same time as us. Thats cos they come in late, they have long lunch, they have tea break. So to actually say their productive hours is equivalent to ours. I always seems to face the same problem. To work with ppl with punctuality problem. But at least over here, i've ppl who fight the same battle with me and i supposed this new general (team lead) heading the battle stands on the same side. He seems to be concern about our displease and yes, WH mentioned that today's tok it out session with the team lead will be good. So just feedback all that we want to.

The Monkeys and the Banana

2006-02-13T14:45:00.000+08:00

I ponder over a banana. I remembered clearly during my final year project in uni when the group of us stayed over at al place. Feeding a bunch of monkeys. Thats wat they said. We had na na half the time. Ha ha..

This morning, the uncle delivered a cartoon of na na and apples. Every monday morning, the pantry will be restock with fresh biscuits, beverages and fruits. Na na, apples and sometimes oranges will be delivered. For some weird reason, the na na will be the first to be wipe out. And of course, being a big fan of Banana (certain type..those found in the super market) i took one. =)

Another strange finding of na na eating patterns or rather habits. The population here are some what like me. Like to eat semi ripe na na. Well, according to my little boy, he says that the na na state that i like to eat taste grassy and its not ripe. But according to the population here. It taste nice. And for some weird reason or coincidence, everyone (there's like over 30 of us) seems to like na na in this grassy state. So are IT ppl weird and are IT ?

So why did i say Monkeys? cos monkeys loves na na and in this dept, seems like the fav is na na as well. Cos during the mid week, some other fanatic monkeys will make their way to the nearest super market and buy na na. But me, seems like i'm always too slow for a na na fight. I dun seem to be able to get a na na in a the mid week. Ha ha..

As i finish blogging this na na entry, i just globbled down a na na...targetting the remaining ones in the box.

The happening Moonndddaaayyy night

2006-02-07T16:41:00.000+08:00

Well.. Didn't left too late last evening. Soon met up with him to go Toa Payoh for dinner and later to see the face doc. Jing recommended me this particular doc that she went to and i really did see improvements in her face. So last evening, i attempted to see him. Almost gave up from the super duper long wait. Luckily, we had our dinner before going. Else, he and i will sure grumble. Finally we saw the long awaited face! the doctor. And, 2 weeks later i need to go back for another consultation. Sigh..meaning another super duper waiting time.

By the time we ended it was rather late already so we took a cab back to my place and we parted for the night. Then the drama happened. I forgot the instructions from the doc for the facial wash. Supposed to be pour to about the shape of a 10 cent coin and add 2 drops of water and massage face. But the blur me put one small drop of facial wash and 2 drops of water and started the massage. Then i kept thinking huh..so little how to clean my face. I only realised it after my shower. ha ha

Next, as i was at my lap top doing some photo edit for my little boy, and chatting with mao, i spotted another molted skin of my little prawnies. And while picking the skin up, i realised a dead body in the tank!! the dead body of another prawn. The head was almost detatched from the body as the other prawns nibbled on it. So i removed the dead body out. Went to the kitchen to throw away the dead body and spotted 1 more dead body. Another of my guppy died. The old male yellow tail. Think is from generation one. As i was scooping out the dead body, i spotted another guppy on the verge of dying. It was like swimming side ways. As i'm lazy, i shorten its life a little as i am too lazy to clear it up the next day since its a sooner or later, i induce the unnatural death to it. So total casualties is 3. 1 prawnie and 2 guppies.

So thats for the super duper long monday night. Here i am, almost dosing off...

After CNY..back @ work

2006-02-02T09:23:00.000+08:00

Chinese new year is finally over. But apparently during this long holds, i didn't get to rest well rather i have to wake up early almost everyday to go out visiting. Sigh. Every year the same old routine. Kind of bored already. The only thing which kind of interest me is le and en. Both my nieces. Hee hee..En is now in play school and seems like the play school has very good teachers. She's like so powerful with her spoken english. She actually pronounce the "th" and the "sss" very well and her spoken english has a slang.

Le is also very powerful. 1.5 years old and she can write 1 to 20 and recognise the the months Jan to Dec. Goodness. I wonder issit because both their parents are degree holder thus the genes runs in them? ha ha..anyway, dino found a job on the eve of chinese new year. Good job offering. She's going to sydney to work as an economic analysts for a airline company! good for her. Dun think i'll miss her though since half the time she's not in SG anyway. One lucky gal..think she will complete travelling the world by the age of 40. Now that she had almost covered the entire europe already..next she's gonna conquere aust. ha ha..

As for me..i'll just be a good gal and work hard in this new job. Also, this year..i've new plans to make more money..i'm always money short..there's thousand and one things which i wanna buy..Since they are wants and not needs, i need to work for the wants. But i'm just to lazy to physically work for it. Do it the smart way! thats wat my dad say..Let the money work for u..so apprently, the master is gonna teach me..the zero knowledge student on the big word called...INVESTMENT. Well, hopefully i can make some easy cash out of it. But think i got to use my poor brain alot of lots of tactical thinking to do.

Then also, start to learn more about business and insurance issues. Thought of purchasing some saving plans etc etc. So got to read up here and there abit before i can find some insurance person. Else sure the place will get too smokey when toking to the insurance person. Thousand and one things to do. Finally, i need a break! need to go for a short holiday. A holiday which is the relaxing type and not the type where i have to wake up early in the morning, pack bag...sit on coach..ha ha...

Seems like lots of ppl getting married this year. I'm expecting 3 weddings this year. Thats gonna be big holes in the pocket! ha ha...

Sigh..i'm left with u...

2006-01-27T14:09:00.000+08:00

Sad case. Feeling bored now. Radio's flat. HP almost flat. All i have is this blog. Can't chat online..cos the web messenger site is blog, can't play games cos the sites are blocked as well. So boring. Now in the holiday mood already and i really dun feel like doing anything.

Feeling so so lazy now. My clothes stinks of the food from the coffee shop. Today lots of ppl are not in after lunch. Most AC ppl are on half day or some went back for meeting. Here i am, i finish executing my test scripts for the next few days following the return from the new year. I'm not surprise the office will be half empty. Already half of ST ppl are on leave, as for the AC ppl, think most will still be ard since majority of them are workahloic.

This morning, i discovered that i need to learn to cover my ass well. I was told to cover it well so that during meetings, my little ass won't get brunt. Ppl here are really good at cover their asses. Everything must obtain a softcopy as proof. Of course, the seniors here tend to bully the little ones like me who are blur. But luckily the seniors i'm under teach me how to cover it nicely..so that there is no hole opening for them to burnt.

System test ppl fights with the most ppl. I'm part of the system test team. So basically, i've to cover my ass well when i shoot any bug or error. Esp to ppl not within this entire SOS team. This team is growing at a super rapid rate. More and more ppl is coming in. Both AC and ST. Well, the entire system is so huge. SOS is just one of the small tip on the ice berg. I wonder how big the ice berg is. hee hee..

I'm going to leave punctually today. Exactly at 530 pm sharp. Going to pick up my new shoes from wisma and go for nice nice dinner with my litte boy. CNY is just round the corner and i'm so proud of my "neat" room. Yes, i've concluded that i'll only clean it on the eve cos even if i clean it a week earlier, there's no pt cos my room is a dust collection center. One day is enough to see the layer of dust on the clean table. Nothing mush to pack in fact. Just need to tidy up abit thats all..prob will just need 4 hours.

Feeling sleepy now and since the AC ppl are not back ..guess i should just take a cat nap..maybe when i wake up, i'll turn into a cat...MEOW...

My Christmas Present

2006-01-23T13:29:00.000+08:00

I've got the most unexpecting surprise last xmas. I know its super late to blog about my xmas present. Ha ha..but apparently i just managed to get the pics =) Its something really sweet...Something which i wanted as well. It is really a surprise, i will say. This is my first version of my xmas present.

But cos i'm a fussy little gal, i wanted to change the plants alittle and do so revamp. So my little boy who gave me this present is very obliging..We went to buy new plants together and redo the tank. So after much revamping, this is how the tankie looked like.

Nice isn't it..so beautiful right? Hee..there's 10 little cherry shrimp inside..but sad case..dunno why, 3 died. 2 died a terrible death, cos my other little cherry shrimps was eating it by the time i spotted it =( hopefully the rest can reproduce soon. hee hee..

All this was done by him when i went to china for my hols. He wanted to give me a surprise and indeed it was really a surprise. When i went to his house that very day, he pulled me to the kitchen and showed me the tank..I was really so so touch and happy. Thank you little boy. *Huggies*

A breather

2006-01-19T18:21:00.000+08:00

A busy day today. Finally i'm able to get a breather. That's because the part which i'm supposed to execute my test script is down. So here i am, able to go off early. But today, i'm waiting for my little boy to come pick me up to go for nice dinner.

Been a rather terrible day. Was fighting hard with my mood swing. I blew up on him 2 times in a row. Bet he must be feeling terrible and affected. Sorry little boy. I was so stressed up with my work. Things dun seem to be progressing yet i got tonnes of things to finish. Stupid system make me so stress up. Actually i'll say its not the system, but rather the programmers. Imagine..hard code! goodness...they didn't even do their unti testing. All the scripts were written already yet no testing was done and recording.

Today i saw the unit testing script. Something which my previous company didn't have. Something which i think is really good. Its basically is like a result slip. It has basic test coditions to test functionality and it has another section which actually checks if all error conditions are handled properly. Then there's antoher section which does the code review and states the problems. The there's also a check list which the person performing the script have to ans to. If there is a no in the ans. Then guess the unit test failed. Cool isn't it.

Anyway, i'm kinda tired. Waiting for my little boy to come and pick me up..Thinking of going to Thomson to have dinner..hungree...Anyway, it seems like everything here needs to be justified. Lots of management things to settle. Lots of charts etc etc. And its the first time i encountered that they have to justify why the system test qualify is not up to standard. Every action have a reaction here and the reaction must be justifiable. Tiring job for the management ppl.

Anyway, its time to go off..got to pack up..and just sit and wait. Looking out, i'm seeing ppl pplaying tennis. Going to the toilet, i'll see ppl swimming. Yah..toking about swimming, Jua and i will be going to swim on monday!

Halted at work!

2006-01-18T16:49:00.000+08:00

Once again, i'm stuck..there's nothing which i can do. All test case failed. The top ppl just went to fight it out! Basically cos the testers like me..the evil one raised like 20 bugs in 1 hour..having tonnes of critical ones..ha ha..not my fault! I was told to perform the testing on this day and i just had to follow the test script. Everytime i hot an error, a SIR is being raised. Wats more..the test script is to test the functional. Half the time the function is not working. Moving on, i see the functional specs and catch user interface problems..ha ha...so the beautiful list RUNs..

Anyway, i spend like 1 hour reading the straits times just now before the board of governors came back. Now that the governor is sitting beside me, i can just play with my comp. So here i am. With a cuppa of coffee black..blogging.. Oh yah! finially its the middle of the weeek! the weddy!! going to get movie tix for later for this friday. Supposed to watch "Memoirs of the Geisha". Read the book like ages ago. Well, just when then governors won't ard, Jem and i were chatting about yoga and pilates lessons..can't imagine Jem will be attending 8 lessons of pilates and the cost is super ex. So who's Jem. Jem is another consultant, just that he's not at the governor level yet. Cute guy but too bad my gal frens. He's taken!! wahahaha. Another party animal..ha ha..and best. He was complaining bout ppl like me who book cinema tixs online or go earlier by days to purchase friday night tixs causing him not able to get tix on friday night itself! ha ha..

Okie..think i better ask the governor assistant about rasing bugs..

Test test test...I'm the devil now!!

2006-01-17T15:39:00.000+08:00

I'm the devil. The devilish soul whom programmers like me hates to the core. The devilish soul who ruins the weekend of programmers. The devilish soul who robes the life after work from programmers. Ha ha..Its nice playing this role ~ the devilish soul. Cool isn't it to change role once in a while. To see the programmers scramble for time. Saddist am i?

Imagine using a 1.6 Ghz with just 512 MB of Ram to build. WOOOO!!! this morning, the interns came telling me they stayed till almost 12 MN just to do promotion. Well, terms over here is slightly diff from my previous company. Bascially promotion will mean to put the lastest ear to all the diff test environments. They took 3 hours to build the application. A sllllooooowwwww llllooooonnnnnggggg process. I smiled to myself. Luckily the PC which i'm having is much of a better spec and lucky me, i'm directly under the employment of SingTel. There's not many of SingTel ppl in here. 70% of the ppl here is from accenture. Well, so at least i still have a team lead to shelter the storm for us. But, this team lead is new to the project. The old team lead who kind of interviewed me already left. =( So no one knows how exactly this team lead works.

So now that i'm more familiar with the system, the devlish soul starts to surface. Didn't know i can be so mean. I rasised so so many SIRs (Service Investigation Reports)..Oh..over here, the bugs are known as SIR and are tracked by a system. The testers just ran the test scripts and report just create SIR via the system. Someone will go through the SIR and allocate it to the team of bug fixers. This program will automatically trigger emails to the relevant ppl for actions. Rather cool. Each SIR raised must be attached with a screen capture. Think this will really help the programmers when doing their bug fixes.

Releases..Seriously, i dun know how the releases are handled over here. Seems like its in a mess. One moment, its working..next moment, its not. ha ha..no idea also. So as long as i feel its wrong. Its SIR time! So bascially today till now, i raise about 30 SIRS already? Haa ha...

So why am i free now? Cos they are integrating some system and porting codes over..so testing halted for 30 mins!

Its monday again..

2006-01-16T13:50:00.000+08:00

The weekend just drift by. I always dun seem to have enough of the weekend. It always pass so fast. Blink of the eye and its gone. Well, but i treaure each and every of my weekend these days.

Watched The Family Stone on friday night. Not that nice though. Was expecting something funnier instead. Ha, but the consolation is that i've got a nice company..Thats the best part of the weekend. Well, the night didn't really ended that late.

Saturday, i've got the doctor to check my tank and to set up the respiratory system for me. Hee..After that, i went out with the doctor to continue the day's activity. Both of us, the lazy bum..Went for lunch and went to grapevine to have a drink and consolidate my china pics for developing. Finally got it done and got it printed before we head to our next destination to nuah!

The starbucks at the library at marine parade. Thats our nuah place.. We go there so frequently till the manager of that branch kind of know us already. As usual, we went there to settle the excel spreadsheet. The day ended relatively late that day which caused me to jump out of bed on sunday cos i overslept. Almost was late for my tuition. hee..

Sunday..We met after my tuition for a short while to have lunch as well as to jalan a while before we both went home to do our own things. I had all my photos packed neatly in the album already =) but there's more to it. I've yet to label the locations. Intention is to get it all up and done before the chinese new year =)

So thats how time flies by..now monday morning..bored with work..there's basically nothing much to be done. =) Thats why i'm here..ha ha...

3rd DAY @ Lunchie

2006-01-12T13:58:00.000+08:00

My third day at work. As usual, i'm bored. I'm suppose to do system testing. Currently still reading the allocated functional specs. Dunno why they must add a word 'Allocated' in front of the functional specs. Anyway, no testing is done as of yet. Cos, no test data and also the environment is not really very set up. No one seems to be preparing any test data and so my job so far hasn't start yet.

Everyone seems so into their job but poor me, i'm jobless..i'm totally lost in this place. Getting a bit sian of being bored. Look at cute guys? think actually after seeing some for 3 days..they dun actually look good. Ha ha...

During lunch, i'm being counselled by one of the old contract staff. Cos on my first day of work, those other younger staff kinda told me that working till 11 pm everynight is normal. But this other guy, call him MK..he's rather nice..rather helpful..

In the mean time, since i'm rather free, i'll continue to surf for benefits for staffs. Was just told that home line i just need to pay 6 bucks instead of 25 per 3 months..ha ha..i'm more instested in the holiday packages for staffs..maybe will have some super good deal. Evil me..never work..ha ha

Second Day @ wOrK

2006-01-11T23:25:00.000+08:00

Well, today is my second day at work. For the past couple of days and the weekend, i have been heavily shopping for blouses!!! Cos, i never did wear any blouse to my previous job. Formal dressing is requried in my current job thus no choice. Good thing G2000 having sale. Hee hee.

Day 2. Well, everything seems to be going in place. Pieces of the jig saw seems to be fitting nicer now. Well, apparently for the next couple of weeks, i'm going to do testing or rather System Testing. 3 rounds or the term the consultants will call it...cycle..On yah! forgot to mention about me having consultant phobia. This batch of consultants from Accenture. Dressing wise, more pro.. All wear ties..Hair gelled up..All rather good looking. Maybe is cos they are all very young. The one i'm working under, he has the 'out of bed' look especially with his strip shirt which looks so much like a pyjamas. Ha ha..but one thing all of them have in common (similar to those whom i work with previously)..they are the work all day and dun play. Basically a no lifer!

Well, today i feel much better..Seem to be able to fit into the group better. Went out for farewell lunch..Can u imagine?! farewell!! just when i just got into the dept. Ha ha..Yeah! i finally got one of the perm staff to log in to the internet using his ID. Well, its super duper wuper strict here. I totally have no access to the internet. How dumb! esp when i have to do testing on another server which requries internet connection. And best part, i was told to look at the system and play ard the exisiting system which is hosted in another part of the world! Anyway..finally got the internet up.

Oh yah! my work place feels abit old..but at least the cubical size or rather my desk size is almost 2 times my previous table. I've got locked cabinets and movable drawers..And i'm nicely tug at the corner sit..kinda like my place. The only trouble is that i'm surrounded with the consultants.. Let me continue with this...There's a swimming pool just down stairs. When i go to the toilet, i cen see the pool..maybe when the weather is more fine, i can go swimming. There's a couple of badminton court for use.,like those at the community center..2 tennis court and gym. Well, hope i can use at least one before the dept move to the serangoon branch.

So far so good, the only bad thing is..i have to wake up slightly earlier then previously =( Thank u little boy!! who is so so encouranging on my first day of work. Think partly also cos my mood swing made me felt that way..Over sensitive.. hee hee..

Brand new year, Brand new start....

2006-01-02T19:50:00.000+08:00

Finally into the new year after a tough year. Brand new year, brand new start. Supposed i have to put the past behind and look forward to a brighter future. 2005, i battled hard for him and i'm really glad and happy that we are finally together. He put me through pain and turmoil yet he provided me with love and happiness. We went through so much. Highs and lows, ups and downs. Finally, all is well.

I spend my remaining days, hours, minutes with him before the clock strike 12am. We were in Plaza Sing watching Narnia. We spent the new year quietly. Just the 2 of us. Its my happiest new year ever. So much love and happiness. I hope this new year will bring our love and relationship to a greater height. New challanges in our relationship will bound to surface, especially with a change in our daily rountine with me moving to a new environment. We survived the 11 day test. We managed to pull through the tough and hard times previously. I guessed all these made the relationship stronger then before.

New year, new job. I'll be leaving my present company to a new company the following week. I'm kind of excited, kind of scared. I do wanna work hard in this new job, and secure it. Dunno why, but i'm feeling rather scared. Sigh..

Tomorrow is a working day again. Its the last week at work there. Its also the last week before my daily morning routine is broken. I hate change. I dislike change, but i guess this new year, i will have to adapt to this change.

Resolutions? Guess not many, just want me and him to be happy and loving always, be healthy and strong, and everything goes well.

Tough Decision

2005-12-11T11:35:00.000+08:00

I had to make a very tough decision on thursday. It was one which made me think so much. I realised how sentimental i am. The phone call came late afternoon on thursday. I got the job at SingTel. I wasn't expecting to get the job at all, cos i didn't know how to do that test paper which was so similar to my uni year one java exam paper. Read a couple of questions and didn't really give a thought to the ans. I counted brackets, i analyze the codes for the first few. Soon i got bored and just picked ans to my liking. I admitted to the interviewer that i screwed the paper. He looked at me and smiled. "Its okie."

Thursday night was totally screwed up. I was feeling excited, happy, scared, sad..Feeling so mixed up. I couldn't sleep at all. So many things ran through my head. Cos i'm human, cos i have feelings..Though the money factor seems so tempting, but on personal terms, i didn't really feel like leaving my present company cos i will say, 3 ppl in my present company brought me and exposed me to where and who i am today. Especially my boss and 2 managers. I did my internship there, i did my part time there during the uni hols..I was offered the job before i grad. I was new, i was young. It was them who provided me with all the help and opportunites...i didn't want to be ungrateful.

I didn't felt like moving. But i got tired and bored of the atmosphere in office. The trigger came when my current project which i'm still currently in so called got busy. When everyone had to share somethings..When punctuality becomes a problem, when everyone had different idea on being punctual. I came early cos i wanna leave on time. But i had to wait sometimes and soon many a times for my team mate to arrive cos some shared things was not available for use. I had to wait and in the end, i had to stay back. Soon i got tired of this..I asked myself..should i come late? since everyone comes late. But i got the ans for myself. No i won't cos i want to leave early and why should i compromise with others. In a very short time, i got turned off with work. I showed little concern and attitude to my work. I came at my usual time, and irregardless of whether i finish my work, i leave on time. For some reason, i became not my usual self. I dreaded going to work. I became irresponsible. I believe once one dread going to work and have to pull and push and phsyco yourself to work, its time to find a new place and a new environment.

I didn't make much an attempt cos i was really too lazy to update my resume. When i finish updating, the post which i first saw (a month ago) was already closed. I applied to SingTel and BP (through my fren). I soon got called and went for the interview and i landed myself with a position. A position which they are willing to let me try out. Something less technical, something which i always wanted to try but i wasn't given the opportunity.

I thought about it the entire thursday night. Lots of things ran through my head. I asked myself if i should move on. It was really a battle. I do like the ppl in my present company. I will say they are smart and brilliant..But haihz. Truths are usually painful. So, i concluded that that though i'm grateful to the 3 ppl in my company for their patience towards me..My life is still my life..So the truth always hurt. I resigned from my job on friday. Seriously, i'm kind of feeling sad =(

But i think i have to grow up, look for something which really interst me. I dun want to do something or be in a environment cos of third parties and be unhappy. I believe there are other ways to thank them for their kindess and patience towards me and i hope they will understand my decisions.

Thank you little boy for being with me all this while..To encourage me through the tough times, to encourage me through my first and again final interview. To help me prepare and draft out my resume.

Kissing Gourami

2005-11-13T22:17:00.000+08:00

Everything happened too fast. I bought the Kissing Gourami. Early morning, my mum mentioned about keeping "Kissing fishes". I did some researched after breakfast and found that its a rather intersting fish. Kisses can go for as long as 25 mins.

In a article that i read, Kissing Gourami makes nice Valentine's Day gift as compared to the normal ordinary roses. So, whoevere is reading this blog, maybe the next Valentine's Day, u can buy a pair of Kissing Gourami for ur love one.

He told me that Kissing Gourami is a seasonal fish and it might not be in season now. As we made our way for to Jalan Besar auto shop, we popped by a fishy shop. Surprised! they actually have the fishes that we both wanted. The catty fish which he wanted was at a super cheap price and kissing gourami was selling at a reasonable price as well. So we decide to return to the shop before it close for the day.

We went on venturing into the bugis area and got all our necessary things down. Under the hot late afternoon sun, we made our way back to the fish shop. He caught the 2 most active Gourami for me. Then we adjourned home.

Did the norm to release the fishes into my cluttered tank. My mum commented that they are not loving enough. The fact is that they are not fighting. The kissing comes about not coz of love or mating, but rather the kiss come about when they fight. They fight in a kissing manner. Well, they are both from different tanks when we caught them. Guess they got to familiarised themselves before becoming "loving".

Saturday Night

2005-11-13T12:09:00.000+08:00

I really enjoyed myself. Though he was late but still i cheered up and left all the unhappy grumbles behind. The evening started very well. He was really tired from the cycling trip. Steps were slower then usual. But its okie =)

We made our way to parkway. Started to shop for all the bbq things. Took us about 1.5 hours. Though getting late, i was very happy. It was some wat like amazing race. We went to 3 different super markets to get different things. He bought live prawns from Ubin. They were still alive all the time. Ticking in the bag.

Adjourned to the East Coast Park, found ourselves a stone table and the real excitement started. Its the first time both of us use the portable BBQ pit. Was kind of clueless to it. But well, we managed in the end. It was the first time, estimation of food was way beyond our limits. We started cooking. The night was cool. The moon shone brightly, illuminating the entire night sky.

Experimenting food and taste, the experiment didn't turn out well at certain time. But its okie. There's always the first time to everything. Most importantly, its the company. It ended rather late. Both were so tired but it was really enjoyable. Looking forward to our next BBQ.

Thousand and one reason when a guy is late

2005-11-12T17:00:00.000+08:00

Okie, well..here i am backed again. If u had read the previous post, i'm simply 101% right. Its 5 pm and he's still on his way back to main land. There's always so many reasons which they can provide. Countless of reasons...101 reasons. Sorry, but i simply just detest it. He's going to be 1 hour god damm late.

Yes, i insisted on that shower cos i dun want to go out with a smelly and dirty person. I want to start the evening nice and brand new. Shower and going home time was put into consideration for our meeting time. He's late as USAUL. Whats new and special?

Listen to his late reasoning later on? Well, i shall see wat he has to say. Simply just put acrossed in 3 words. "POOR TIME MANAGEMENT". Something which GUYSSSS will never admit. Why poor time management? Oh..the guySss (see its the GUYSSSSS again! cos all guys work the same. They inbuild the same god damm ego machanism) will go in a poor pathetic manner which can't simply put across the message "I NEED TO GO. I'M LATE FOR MY NEXT APPOINTMENT". Simply because, they dun want to lose face. Get a life GUYSSSS! Staying late for a previous appt and be late for the next won't leave u with a better impression.

Well, come to think about it, the guys are kind of pitiful. Just a simple, sweet short sentence and they can't seem to put it acorss. Well, this just make the gals feel proud. I'm sorry guys.. can't helped it.

I waited...and waited...

2005-11-12T15:46:00.000+08:00

It was an aimless day. As usual, my faithful body alarm woke me up at 7 am. I laid on the bed waiting for time to pass. I am, yes i am, suffering from a very bad mood swing. I really had to supressed it with my mind cos i know how much this mood swing will affect him. Its one of the few times i tried to calm myself, to sweet talk myself. But its really worning me out. Like a dormant volcano, i feel like just erupting.

Like a dispatched, i did what i promised to do in the morning. I took the NEL line to renew the parking for his bike. I came back home with nothing to do in mind. I rotted and waited for his return from the Ubin island with his colleagues. As expected, i knew he will be late and indeed, i was proven right. My mood swing made my worn out mind thought through some things. Things which will not come about in beautiful moments. Ugly side i will say.

I took a long nice shower as time approaches 4 pm. I grumbled to myself about the poor time management he have. 4 pm to reach mainland. I think that will never happen. I'll prob think 5 earliest. For a moment, i asked myself. Am i supposed to tolerate and to be more understanding? But another side of me battled the answer YES. Simply because, it clearly state to me that both party have to be understanding towards each other. Its always not fair for one party to give in and wait. Like and endless wait.

So i dropped the sms on him. Though he mentioned something sweet for this evening BBQ, i was somewat still displeased. Its all about time management. Its something which i really hated from the start especially when he's out with his colleagues and friends. Because the feeling of taken forgranted is so strong.

I do believe all relationships have its downside and is how both party wants to tackle and face the problem. I reminded him last night and he said i was a nag. Maybe indeed i was. Next time, i'll just keep quiet. Time will prove things to me. Repeated incidents sets a strong image in my mind. Two consequences to it. Either to get used to it? or the image just gets worst and in the end, its no longer bearable. Well, why wait util that stage? that's what i will asked myself. But really, it takes two to clap.

Well, the evening awaits me. Will it be a beautiful one? or will it be a explosive eruption? I dunno. All i know is, i'm just tired from the wait. But i'm just too lazy to do something productive.

Ahem...Holiday's over

2005-11-06T21:25:00.000+08:00

A fine long weekend. Incredibly spent with XX. Had a super duper relaxing or how the hokkien will call it "nuah" weekend till i got so tired when i reached home on sat night that i fell into a super deep sleep. For a moment, i didn't realised the power of "nuah" can be so great to worn me out.

Movie marathon, tapioca chip, tortilla chips, roasted ducky, roasted chicken, durians, laksa, eggs, bread, vegetarian, pizza, drumblets, orange juice, apple and aloe vera, pepsi, cup noodles, apples, coconuts. Gorged by all these "healthy" food for the entire long weekend.

The sun, the food, the movie, the shopping, the munch, the nap, the movie, the munch, the food, the munch, the sleep, the moon. It rotates by itself. Believe it or not, its tiring when the routine is finally over. But its fun. It takes lots of stamina to achieve the ultimate level. I'm still at the early stage of mastering the art of "nuah". I'm the first to knock out in each round. Watch the screen till the screen watched me half the time. Munch till i bloster the tapioca chips to nap in my arms.

Walking down the East Coast Park can never be as romantic and cozy as the walk down the Desaru beach. Though Desaru beach is not the nicest beach on earth...But ECP is far far off the scale of beautiful and clean..The supposed search of sea anemoe failed despite of the low tides. I didn't get my capri algae-fied this time round =) Spotted a new outlet of GrapeVine at Katong area and had "candle light" dinner there. "Candel light" cos each table had a small short fat lighted candle. hee hee.. Those who are familiar with the area, is a couple of stalls down from the Katong laksa. Recommended for the soccer fans who wanna have a cuppa drink, pub food, decent dinner to go there to chill out. Nice place. Ambience slightly better then the one at Serangoon Branch.

One of the coolest and happiest weekend i've ever spend. Never been so fun and lovely before. Haven been so great since the Desaru trip. Really looking forward to the new year count down. Sadly, i won't be in town to spend Xmas. I think i should be somewhere in one of the cold mountains in China.

How much to care?

2005-10-29T00:00:00.000+08:00

Its a tough question for me to answer. I'm clueless. Tonnes of question floods my head each time i care. Questions like: Am i showing enough care and concern? Am i caring too much till he feels the irritated?

The rule is simple and easy but its hard to prescribe the dosage. So many times i asked cos i cared but i can sense the irritant in my question from the answer. Then i start to question myself. Was the question not meant to be? Regrets then come in. Maybe i shouldn't have asked it. But the other side of me will reply. If i didn't ask will that show that i'm not at all concern about his feelings?

I don't want him to feel stress or tired. Happy. Thats the main key word. Sometimes maybe its better off not asking or not showing care. But its difficult to control since u know u care for the person.

I could sense the impact when the incident happened. I asked out of care and concern but i got a little hurt. Maybe i'm just too sensitive. But who won't be sensitive? Everyone is sensitive especially to the person u care alot for.

Its mind boggling. Wanna show concern, but yet dun know the correct dosage. Giving too much irritates. Giving too little, feels empty. So wats the correct dosage?

Adventure with Living Things...

2005-10-03T14:13:00.000+08:00

Great weekend! Had some minor hiccups but things turned out well. Friday plans were kinda shifted slightly back due to the monthly meeting in office. I caught almost nothing but air throughout the 1 hour plus meeting. Sleepy, due to the free long project lunchie at NYDC at wheellock place. Had abit too much causing the Zzzzy bugs.

Guppies craze in me. Basically interested to see how the guppies are born. Live bearers they are. Sel and i proceed to Yishun and Kahtib to purchse some guppies and of course the tank. Beginner into this fishy hobby. I think i should call it the guppy hobby instead of fish, coz i'm just into guppy or rather the birth of the young and innocent.

Transported from Kahtib the blackies sits in my house safely and peacefully in the ice cream tub. I filled the tank with water till the brim letting it stand alone for the next couple of days. My blackies shit so much! Friday ended late.

Saturday started off late. By the time we got to Changi Point Jetty, it was almost 1230pm. The last bum boat ride back from Pengarang is at 4 pm. We decided to postpone till this coming sat instead. Pengarang is where we were heading for a good meal of seafood. So to cover the disappointment, we decides to head to Pulau Ubin. Not in mood for cycling, we just went for the seafood and strolled along the beach near to the jetty. Peek a boo into the lives of those washed on shore by nature.

Spotted a couple of crabs, horse shoe crab, sea anemone, mussels (like those in Fish & Co), small prawnies =). As navigating through the algaed rocks, i slipped over one and fell. Kinda weird. Maybe i was stoning at that point of time cos i can't seem to remember how i fell. All i remembered was i'm sitting on algae. My pants got alage-fied. Greeny in colour. All wet..Yucky! We adventured on, digging into crab hole and looking for the crab in the hole..ha ha..

Horse Shoe Crab Front and Back View

We dig out the crab from its hole. Another crab found among the rocks.

Sea anemone and mussel. We killed the mussel when opened it =(

We left in the early evening and headed down to Simei where i bought a new pair of capri to replace my greeny alage-fied pants. Walked around, nothing much to see and proceeded on to parkway for dinner at sakae.

Sunday. I took back some water plants and by evening my tank is so called ready for the fishes. The blackies are doing rather well in the ice cream container. I transferred them slowly as was taught. However, i realised that one of the male blackie was rather reluctant to move over though he finally crossed the container into the open waters of the tank. His performance started to drop. No longer a chaser to the females the night before. He isolated himself from the rest. Soon, he died. Well..guess he couldn't get use to the water condition in the tank.

6 females and 1 male. I reckoned the females bullied him. Monday morning, the other male died. Sel said my fishes are lesbians and they dun like males around =( Well.. That's wat i did for my weekend. To discover that fishes can also be lesbians. =)

Birthdays..Holidays..BreaKies..

2005-09-19T14:25:00.000+08:00

I forgot that its a working day today. I was awaken by my human alarm at 715 am. I looked over the other side of the bed and i thought of something cheeky. The smuggle of somethings. hee hee..Kinda excited about the smuggle though. Life's been good these days after work, before work, and on weekends except during working hours.

I'm getting a little grouchy over work these days. Never been so grouchy about work till now. Maybe its time for a beakie. Went to Genting just about a week back. But its still not enough. Can't wait to go on another short getaway. Actally need not get out of the country. Just get out of the office. My bed room is fine and good enough to relax. Just a cup of tea, a book, my hifi will do the job i guess.

Over the weekend, went to celebrate my gal fren's bday. Went to Wakura Jap restaurant at Marina. The food there is kinda good. I kinda like the soupy over there. Did some shopping too. Kinda targetted a digital phone to replace mine in my room =)

Evening, had thai express soft shell crab for dinner and after, went to Grapvine. Nice place. The cups and mugs or should i say jars are so unique.. hee hee.. got to go there again to try out the food. Nice peach smoothie and the fruit tea..hee hee.. i like it lots..

Lynnie kinda said to go to KL during the beginning of Oct. Well, i'm still thinking...imagine i have to take the 5 hour bus ride again! My my!!! Still remember when we went last year during Spore's national day weekend..we had to cross the causeway at woodland by foot! cos Gracie alighted us at Woodlands and Lynnie's dad picking us up from the Malaysia side! human jam, we were late...miss the bus and lynnie's dad bought us pirated bus ticket..in those "school bus"..the bus ride..OMG!! can faint!!!

First week of oct..Going to take the 45 min bum boat ride from changi point to Penggarang for seafood! hee hee..seafood lunch..Kinda excited to wobble up crabs, lobsters, prawns!! ha ha...Middle of oct, weekends..prob going to over to Desaru for a short getaway and to see fire flies..or wat my mum said how the old ppl call it..see "ghost light". ha ha...

October seems to be a fun month for me..hope everything comes out well. I need FUN FUN FUN!!! feel like going on strike on my work..but but..its so irresponsible yah! So not me.. Hiahz...But sometimeeeessss...just feel like giving the attitude and slack. Been in the project for so so long already and everything is getting so draggy..

Lots of MC left...feel like clearing my MC as well. Got to find a good doc who can provide me with long long MC..hee hee...workie time again

The Camera and The bike

2005-09-06T14:42:00.000+08:00

This weekend had been a really exciting one. I had it merely extended thanks to my bad bad cough. Sounding really nasal, i was given a one day MC on monday. So the short weekend was kinda extended.

I spend a bomb on my new camera during Comex fair. Well, Sel and i kinda went over to Suntec area on Friday evening with the mere intention of going to Marina Mandrain lounge for a drink and chat. But, the lounge won't be open till the 4th sept =( I suggested to pop over to the fair to get a glimpse of the camera prices. But this short glimpse caused a big hole in my pocket. Always wanted to change my camera to a small slim one so that i can carry it around with me conveniently. Panasonic Fx 7 has been the one i was targetting. But due the the battery life, its not exactly very appropriate for travelling. The improved version came out. FX 8. I saw FX 8 during the fair and kinda very much wanted to get it. Was really contemplating.

Into the wee hours on the phone, finally Sel said.. "Just get it since u like it so much. " and so, the drama came on saturday evening. He parked the bike over at my place, torn the coupon, lock the seat and i met him at my station. We headed to Suntec on the bus just having the intention to buy the camera. On our way in the bus, he discovered that he left the keys on the seat of his bike. Panic button as pressed. I knew he got frustrated cos its not his first time. I rang home but no one answered. I called Char for help and thanks to her bro, we managed to recover the key. Went to thr fair, second drama..the price of the camera i saw increased from the previous day. Was kind of having second thoughts. Didn't know wat to do till he said..its just another 50 bucks, lets get it. So i bought and in less then one hour, we left Suntec for prata at my place.

The bike, well..i've not tok about the bike before in this blog. Yupz, i found the bike for him through a classified ad. Its a Honda Vara, blacky in colour. I like the bike alot. But but, i haven attempt to sit on the stationary bike yet. Its huge! too big for the little me.

Its killing me..i'm tearing apart.

2005-08-18T15:38:00.000+08:00

For once..i'm so so tired with everyone around me. I had a very nice couple of weeks with Sel and my other pals. Everything seems nice and easy going. A few hiccups here and there. But i'm still able to contain.

I woke up this morning feeling very grouchy. For one, i got up and my dad showed me this cuttiing that NUS offering so masters course and asked me to go check it out. I told him right in the face. I'M NOT DOING IT IN NUS. I HATE THAT SCHOOL. full stop and i stormed out of the kitchen. He came telling me that course fee is super cheap. Then i said, i'll make sure i skip all the lesson and get a pefect F grade for u. He got nothing to say.

For second, i got irritated by my mum so badly that i couldn't control and i shouted back at her. I didn't really mean to but she was really on my nerve. She kept asking me about the same old accidental coverage on the plan which i'm thinking of getting. It so haunting. Been telling here so many times already. Till i had enough. Then she said...wat if my fren resign and will be diff to do claims right..and said why not get with Income. Then i replied..wats so good with the god damm old man fren of ours selling the insurance. I think he might leave even before my fren leaves. And won't the situation be the same. Expected..she complained to my dad. So my dad called..

Well..gotten lecture again..not unusual. Then i told him is so irritating to hear the same old question and to reply the same old ans. So my dad said..next time ur mum ask u again..just ignore her and walk away. Then he went yah..she's damm irritating..keep asking the same old question.

I got so pek chek the entire morning...was slamming everything. Came to office in my controlled mood. Heng..WL didn't ask me to werid weird things this morning..I just sat infront of my comp slamming the keys like no one business and i quarrelled with Sel over his indecisiveness about riding that Varadero back.

Then comes the stupid weather..keep on raining on and off..so irritating..Basically i'm tired. I need to sleep. I'm grouchy..so anything that sparks my irritable syndrom will really get a bad time from me..i'm in explodable mood now..

PMS i guess..but i need to sleep. Yes..i'm frustrated that i have a company bbq to attend..cos i dun like bbqing..can't they just go some place to it and settle the entire things..bbq..sian...guess it will be like last year..wait for the guys to cook the food. I'M FAR TOO LAZY...worst case walk out and eat prata.

I need to sleep sleep sleep....

Happy Gal...

2005-08-15T22:23:00.000+08:00

Sense that i haven posted for sometime already. Well, time to do some updates about my life. After the episode of down, my life kinda take a turn. Everything seems to be kinda smooth sailing for me right now. Be it at work or my personal life. hee hee..Happy gal i will say i am right now.

All of a sudden when i was bathing just now, i kinda thought of my PC at work. Really nice to have a PC which is relative in speed. At least it doesn't hang like the old one..it isn't that slow as the old one. It works just at a i will say acceptable speed. The happy thing is that at least i won't think i will die of heart attack while working. My ex comp almost blew me into pieces.

Sunday, i had a good game of tennis. Into my new tennis skirt and my new tennis shoes. Well, white white white..everything is kinda white..When i first tried on the tennis skirt in the fitting room and coming out wearing it, i felt kinda uncomfortable. The first question i asked Sel was.."Dun u think is too short" and the replied i got was "No wat...all tennis skirts are like that". Hee hee..i kinda felt i look funnie in that skirt with 2 tennis balls at each side of my skirt. Inverted pockets to put balls..Its like 2 extra piece of thing sticking out. Anyway, sunday tennis game was superb! Hope to have another game like this soon.

Saturday, i started tuition once again with my beloved student. Always the case...near exams then start to ask for tuition. Just nice, i'm feeling a little tight. Hee hee..well even before the money comes in, my first payment is already gone to buy something. Hee hee...But i know the person will really treasure the gift. Month of my pals bdays...money spending time. Luckily i got the advance saving for their bday..else i think need to feed on grass.

Work today ain't that bad. Kinda start to like my project. Seriously, i think the comp plays an impt role in making me enjoy the project more. Bug fixes. Probably i'll need to buy Baygone to kill the spidys and the roachies..ha ha...Kinda feeling abit excited to code a new module..How more crazy can i get?! did i just said...I LIKE THE PROJECT!? my goodnes...hee hee..

Sel managed to close the deal for the motorcycle just before dinner. Whooo...cool bike..i kinda like the design of the bike very much. But too bad, i'm not in to the a pillion cos i too much of a scarry cat. Maybe i'll just try it out in the car park =) ha ha...I still think riding bike is kinda dangerous. Hope he will really becareful while on the road.

Okie..breif update of my life ends here..Happy gal today and hopefully everyday =)

When the world came tumbling down

2005-08-07T18:16:00.000+08:00

The weekend started off well till last night somethings happened. My world came tumbling down. I was so badly affected. I cried once again.

The day started of with breakfast then followed by facial. Parkmall with tabks. I'm amused by it. Made our way to ECP to blade. Went all the way down to the sailing center, sat at the break waters and had chips. Night fallen. The roads started to turn dark. I got scared. He was there with me all the while.

We planned for new activities, new events..everything came crashing down when we started toking the night on the phone. I regretted big time everytime i said something. He was happy and i want him to be happy till i said somethings which changed everything that comes along. I was devasted the entire night. I thought back at all the things which we had done. Tears just streamed. As frens, we went through so much so much. I hate to lose him as a fren. Really hate it. Why such things have to happen to me? why?

Yes. I'm easily affected by him. Very easily affected cos i care. I care so much for this fren though i know i will lose him eventually. But yet, the smile on his face, the laughter of his brightens up my day. I dun want things to change. I really really dun want things to change. Yet everytime cos of wat i said, things change and i'm not able to accept the change. I drown in misery.

Yes. I'm afraid. So afraid that we won't be doing things together anymore. I cannot accept. I dunno how long he will take and dun know if he will ever managed to see light once again. I hate the feeling. Really hate. I regretted saying those things to him. But i said it cos i cared. The risks involoved is way to much.. though i know he really really hopes to own it.

All i hope is that he dun lie to me. If he really wanna get it, i will accept the fact and pray for his safety. To gain knowldge about the thing and help him with the choice. I really hate to see both worlds come tumbling down.

When u know its over yet u held on.

2005-08-04T16:45:00.000+08:00

Its kind of weird i will say. Or should it be irrational thinking. Seriously, my first time in love made me become such a weakling. I tried to stand up over and over again. Yet i failed and i failed. I adpoted another way to handle it. I thought it was pretty much effective till...

Yes. We have been keeping in contact and we have been going out maybe just a little lesser then previously. Though i let go much of it, i'm still holding on to another part. I pin almost nothing right now but see..its almost, and its not completely. Are humans all so selfish? to just take and not return? I gave more then wat i should i this friendship of ours. Much much more then wat i will give for a good friend. I know many will say its stupid.

What issit that i really seek in him? What issit that makes him so attractive to me? Comparing him with many other guys i know out there, he's just another non established person. So why? I asked myself alot alot of times. I gathered that i didn't wanna let go of him cos i didn't wanna go through the entire process of knowing someone to the extend and to accomodate all the difference and dislikes about the person. It takes alot..alot of time and effort. I worked my way to this stage and i'm really comfortable with him.

I'm much happier then before when we were an item. But some how i'm still stuck in between. Yes, i've been going out with new ppl, new frens. But the thought of knowing a new person all over again. Its tiring. It came to a point that i told myself..if he's yours, it will be eventually. If he's not meant to be, no matter how hard i try to keep him, he will still go. Holding on lesser by lesser each day. I dun know when will i totally let go. Maybe when someone really hits me real hard .. till then..

So as long as i'm happy...

2005-07-30T12:02:00.000+08:00

Wooo...just checked my last posting. Wah! been a week since i wrote something in here. The week had been as usual..piss during work due to the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE of mine. After work seems to be be much better. Esp with all my dates..hee hee..not like i have many. Finished Tuesday with Morrie and bought the five ppl u meet in heaven.

Well..Tuesday with Morrie. I will highly recommend. Its really a great book. Learnt lots of things from it. Especially the regret part. I guess alot of things when u see it at a different angle, things will be much different. Give it a little twist, look at it from a different perspective and feelings will really be much different.

I kinda saw light somewhere in the dark corner. I kinda put somethings that happened behind me. I think i'm much happier now. Just as good close frens, i dun feel so uptight over certain things. =) As frens, we no longer quarrel as much. Outings are more fun, more relaxing. More teasing, more smile, more laughter. I kinda come into sense that wats the point in probing into somethings to find myself getting upset or piss. And i really thank him for putting in some effort from my request during his bday. Sometimes is just better to just close one eye. Just enjoy the company for the evening and put everything behind just for the evening. Enjoy the moment and i think i'm much happier. I'm learning not to think of wat will happen in the future. Cos nothing is predictable...Just take a step at a time and be happy. Be satisfied i will say.

This evening, my dinner date...Splendid! We went to Swensen's at airport cos i wanted to have a nicer dinner. Though both am very tired, my date for the evening did very well i will say. And yes...as his fren, he can really pamper me so so much. Hee hee.. =)

Okie..its really time to Zzz...got tennis tomorrow morning. Been a long time since i last WACK!

Sunday Shopping

2005-07-25T21:32:00.000+08:00

Well..i had a great time shopping yesterday. Finally bought myself a new toy after months. Finally i bought myself a micro hi fi set. Everything very small except the amplifier. Hee hee. My dad kinda went looking for one resonable price set for me. Cos i'm a poor gal. So that day he told me to go listen and try out the LG set. Kinda much much cheaper then the Boss set cos his rational behind is that is just form bedroom listening. No need such expensive high end set.

Sunday morning i woke up having mixed feeling cos i dun know if my shopping partner is still keen of going out to shop cos the night before he apparently went into depression and he kinda said he's not interesting in going out on sunday. So in the end after much persuade, he agreed. I went over to Hougang Mall to check out the Harvey Norman. The set was kinda black and nice. I kinda like it. Last day of the sale as well. That's wat the sales man said. Well hack care. I need to get one set soon to play all my CDs!!

After checking out the price, we went to PS G2000 to get clothes. Sale for the last day that's wat the paper states. I bought myself a pink top after we concluded i have too many black ones already. Hee..Spend some time there then we were so adventurous. We went to Mustafa..why adventurous? Cos its a sunday! jam pack with the indians. Ha ha...went there to check out the hifi. They dun have the blacky one. But instead they have the silver one whcih i dun really like it. So in the end, we adjourned back to Hougang Mall when i bought my new toy and check out the price of 20 Inch LCD TV to complement my new hifi.

Hee hee..i'm pretty excited about getting the LCD TV..then getting a sofa bed to put in my room and one side table. Complete it with a cuppa tea and movies! Perfect isn't it. Hee hee...then i think i will like my room so much till i no need to step out of my room anymore. Wat is lacking is maybe just a personal bathroom. But too bad my home dun have =( well. Guess i'll just have to be satified with wat i have.

Went home..had dinner and i set up my new toy and played the Michael Buble CD. I'm superly crazy over his "quando quando quando"..Love the dong so so much!!! so sexy lor..his voice..If someone can sing that to me..Wah! cannot imagine wat will happen..but i think must wait long long...

Lows..

2005-07-24T11:40:00.000+08:00

Almost the end of the weekend once again. Worked till about 7 plus on Friday evening and joined Mr Josh and his fren for dinner and drink. Al came along as well. Supposed to be at Wala but it was too jam pack so we had to make alternative plans. Rob suggested to Demsay Hut which is located behind the American Embassy for dinner. The food there isn't fantastic and the best part of it, a bee flew into my lime juice. Luckily it was almost an empty cup already =).

We made our way to J Bar at M hotel. Well, there's supposed to be a 3 piece band as told by Mr Rob but apparently we were so "Lucky" that evening. No band =( The place is kinda nice..hee hee...After that we adjourned to Glutton Bay at Esplanade cos apparently Mr Rob didn't finish his dinner and needed food. Well..i'm amazed at his eating speed. Something like baby eating i guess...a very very slow pace. ha ha..Kinda funny..we just sat there waiting for him to finish his "seems like never ending" fried oyster. Ha ha...

I slept apparently very little that night. I was awoken by my human alarm clock at 730 am. There was too many things on my mind to get me back to dream land. I apparently spoiled someone's night the night before and i was kinda ignored. This person kinda became a little depress. I tried calling him and bombing his phone. But no reply. Kinda upsetting.

Saturday. Cousin's day..gals day..Since i woke up so early on sat and i can't get back to sleep, i on the TV and kept on flipping channels. But to no avail, its so boring..there isn't much tv program. I started to rot my sat morning away. Supposed to meet them at orchard at 2 pm..but apparently i'm late. Poor lizzie had to wait for all the late beings. Hmm...Lizzie been back for hols for sometime already. But its the first time i've seen her sian the day she came to SG. 4 years i have yet to seen her. Very mature gal i will say. Smart as well. Her cultural upbrining is so much so diff for a 14 year old SG gal. Very open minded i will say. No american accent as of yet. She still rememebers chinese. Not so bad yah!..hee hee..Me and ma ma didn't make it to the Night Safari cos we couldn't fit into the jam pack cars of kids..hee hee..

I was expecting to meet Sel after his company's family at Down Town East. But but..he just slumber into depression and i was told not to message or call him. I respected that decision. But i'm kinda upset why he likes to go into those moods so frequently. Not healthy i will say. I used to get alot of such lows previously. But it kinda cease dramatically these days cos maybe i'm more statisfied now and i dun have that much expectation in somethings. I'll just take things as it comes. If i have the means, i'll do it. If not, then i'll just give up the idea. Well, i guess lows and ups are just part and parcle of life. But i envy those who can just get out of the lows so damm fast. Its amazing how they do it.

Little Brown Man's Birthday

2005-07-21T15:51:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was little brown man's birthday. So, i met him for dinner. Very nice of him to keep the evening free for me despite his many other dates. We had always wanted to try the steam boat at suntec called congress. Half the time we pass the area, the food smelled so nice. So we decided to give it a go since we missed it the last time during my birthday.

Disappointing..the soup taste like salt water and not nice. Hiahz. My company for the evening also started to sulk. Before that we got into a quarrel. I really blow my top off and kinda just walked away. I was a little impatient and he hit my trashhole. The evening didn't start of really that well in the first place.

Anyway. Steam boat disappiointing. Cannot take it, we went over to the Esplanade to have Hagen's for desert. Ordered chocoLat fondue! Hmmm...rather nice. But i still cannot comprehen how to eat strawberry ice cream with chocoLat. We ordered 2 scoops of desirable and 2 Zest tea (Lemon and Strawberry). Okie. i had a swap with him for the drinks cos i know he can't take the over sourish taste of the Lemon! but yet i love it.. Strawberry tea was rather mild and light i will say. Tasted really not bad.

He opened the box which i gave him. I made him a booklet with old pics of us, a card, a stick of coloured meiji chocoLats and a cow. Why cow? cos i'm his little cow last time. Just something for him to remember next time. The feeling at Hagen's was really nice. Very comfortable. Comfort was never a barrier between us. Its kinda sweet i will say. But well, we are no longer a couple..just frens.

Nice of him to send me home. We kinda sat at the void deck awhile while he went through the book of photos. Its rather disappointing to realised how much u rememebered of him and yet he dun really recall much. But well, somethings i just got to learn to accept and believe that i can let go with a better someone waiting for me out there.

I Need an Oxygen Mask!

2005-07-18T15:44:00.000+08:00

That's it. I came back to work on sunday and my entire sunday was gone cos of that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE. I stepped into the office at 10 am and left at 6 pm. What did i do? so little? WHY? cos of that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE.

Basically the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE is the cause of all things. I have NEVER never been so inefficient in my work till i set foot on the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE. It just ruin me! Testing and coding on the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE will just cause my heart to pump faster...cause me to gasp for air..cause me to feel so damm piss and bloody irritated.

If u dun know the meaning of helpless? Code on my comp and test with it. Then u know wats the meaning of helpless. To add on to the stress level of helpless. Try not to use any available PC or lap top. Sit there and wait. Its really a good trainer for patience. But that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE is not helping me for now! i dun need to train my patience..Time is ticking by and that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE just dun cooperate.

I was fuming 1 hour ago! the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE just decides to hang itself! Just for me to change something...hear...ITS CHANGE!!! its not even testing! it hanged on me for almost 15 mins! nothing response! WTF! Then my manager keep askiing if its ready and yes! i am RUDE.. cos i'm fuming..i'm going to explode while waiting for that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE when the qn came. I JUST said NO! that MACHINE just hanged!

Seriously. I've worked like SHIT the entire weeks. My weekedns burnt. I just feel that so much more could have been done if that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE. Its really wasting time! Rush me also no use! The bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE just dun cooperate!

Seriously if this is going to go on for the next couple of months..i think to save myself from entering the hospital, to save my weekedns, to save the grumbles at home. I better start to look for alternative plans. Maybe i should just apply for Ed's job! or become a full time tuition tutor or maybe like the rest go into teaching. Its not about coming back to work on weekends.. Its not about staying back to work. But at least let me control my efficiency and not that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE controlling. I just felt that my weekend had just gone to waste! Its so inefficient!

Maybe in the mean time..i should really buy an oxygen tank to stand by in the office..cos waiting for the bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE can really kill me. Its only in such desprate time when deadline is so near that all patience is lost! and only then u will realise how slow that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE is. Then u will be like me now. Complaining..and thinking twice about staying on and working on this bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE for the project.

I basically think everything comes in a package. If one is happy..one won't go unless told to go. But if i got to work with bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE and be so inefficient and not being myself and to go through all this. Sitting on my the chair..doing NOTHING..really Nothing! till the extend of i can take out my novel and start to read while waiting.. Then wats the point. I dun think i wanna compromise and test my patience to my limit. Anyway..its nearing my limit already. See me sitting on my seat like nothing has happened? Then the person got to be blind. I'm hitting the ceiling already.

Sad to say i have enough of weekend working and late night working. Till i find that its efficient for me to stay then i will stay else i see no point in staying. Stay to wait for that bloody hell idiotic F***ing slow damm MACHINE the i rather make my way home and sleep. Dun like it? can't meet dateline? Fire me then! i dun give a damm already. I WAS RESPONSIBLE TILL I HAVE ENOUGH OF THE BLOODT HELL IDIOTIC FUCKIING SLOW DAMM MACHINE!

Saturday Night

2005-07-17T12:28:00.000+08:00

I had a very good Saturday altogether. Really a very nice evening. I worked till about almost 3 and went down to Hougang to meet Sel. He needed to purchase protein powder and i needed to get Cranberry capsule. Sel's bday month so there's discount from GNC.

After that we went to Hougang Mall's Hans to get a light snack for tea. Feeling rather sad actually, cos i have intended to spend this weekend with him to so call celebrate his bday. But unfortunately i fell sick and also had to work. I was really looking forward to the evening and yes! i did enjoy the evening.

Went back to his place to look at his tanks. The guppies have tails already. The Arowana seems pretty. But the big tank...filled with algae..abit dirty. After that left for our dinner. Suppose to go the hotel Mirama for the sushi thingy. But apparently the place was full and so we ended up in Amara Hotel having buffet dinner. We reach at 7 and eat all the way till 10 pm. Tables beside us came and left and we were still there going rather strong. Had lotsa sashimi. The cod was good. I like the buddha jump over the wall. We tried everything! We love the chocolate tuffle! Nice nice..

His company is always nice.. that's provided he's not grouchy or piss. Dinner was rather a silent one. Didn't really tok much. Just sit there and enjoy the food. Get opinion from each other on wat's nice. Basically just to enjoy each other for that evening i will say. We strolled from Amara backed to Amoy street. Walked passed Tras Street where my old office place was. The place kinda sleazy i will say. Hmm..now there's a 7E just below my old place then we continued to walked to Maxwell and finally back to my office. I brought my jacket with me after work cos i was wearing my bright yellow tank top and i concluded i will freeze during the buffet and i was not feelong too good that day. So since we are around the vincinity, i just pop by and deposited my jacket. Amoy street dun exactly seems very interesting at night. Caprice dun seem as interesting as Why Not?

Satuday @ Work

2005-07-16T10:19:00.000+08:00

Going to work on sat. This is the second sat in the row already. Coming back on sat seems okie untill u realised that how ineffective the bloody computer can be. Its been almost an hour since i stepped in and i'm progressing at a bloody hell slow pace. Really not my fault. The bloody computer is so slow. Keeps on hanging on me. So frustrating. Sometime is just feel like telling them off. Get alive! u wanna ppl to work, get a resonably faster machine for us. Its so irritating!

Already not opening msn, not opening any web browser, not opening this and that and the bloody idiotic machine is already so freaking slow. I dun even have the database client installed on my comp. Was told to do so. But imagine if i did and open some other programs related to the database. Freak right! Just running the programs can kill me. Not like i have another machine to let me go multi task. Basically when i start running the program, my entrie comp becomes a useless piece of shit. Cos there's nothing else u can do on the comp else the machine will just jolly well hang.

By watever, i'm going to leave at 1 pm latest today. This entire project is so bloody inefficient thanks to a slow computer. What to do? Test a thing wait ages. Wait till one get so frastrated till i just feel like throwing the PC down or set it up on fire!

Luckily my buddy al let me use her comp and her lap top. Imagine i use 3 comps..then i feel more efficient. While building the appilication on my comp (which takes millions of mins) i'm like multi tasking to test the new things i did on either her lap top or her comp. Dunno why, her new comp is so much faster then mine! Hiahz. Anyway, i'm getting tired of this project i'm in. Not beacuse i dun like doing wat i'm doing but the wait for the things to start on the comp is far too slow and irrinoying.

okie..i started this blog at 10:19 and now it's way past the time i wanna go off..Well..abit more testing and Shoo..i'm going off! cannot take it anymore...continue doing and my life expectancy will be shorten by waiting!

Monday Morning ~ An whole lot of SHIT!

2005-07-11T10:43:00.000+08:00

For once i can feel the stress in me..Yes! haven felt this way for a long long time already. The same feeling which i got when i was in uni rushing for project dateline. I can't sleep..thoughts of wat i'm left with just drowned me. Yet, there's nothing much i can do about it! not like i have my office lap top at home and can wake up to do things.

Really..i miss the office lap top. Previously for my old projects, at least i dun feel so helpless. At least i've got the lap top at my convinience. At least when i'm feeling that way, i still can wake up and do a little work to ease that horrible stress out feeling. But right now i can't. I am awaken middle of the night thinking about work.

Yes. I dun wish to stay back late too much. I need to rest and to actually think about some other matters at hand. I wanna spend time with my gal frens. I need them very badly right now. I need a break from all things. I need to break away. Just feel leaving SG for the time being. I just want my cousins to be with me now. I need lynnie badly. I need to cry my heart out on her bed at night..and chat with her till the mornings. I know she will scold and throw my phone out of the room. Last year this time, she did that to me and i did that to her.

I'm really struggling to finish this whole piece of shit work right now. Though i very much wanna run away. I know its my responsibility. I have to finish it up. Its tiring really. I dun know why everything must just fall at the same time. I'm really at a low right now..a real real low. I just feel like going for a drink..but really drink alot and cry out loud..puke and get drunk...

Weekends

2005-07-10T16:31:00.000+08:00

Once again the weekend seems to be ending. 2 days and its soon going to be over. Time really flies. Went back to office yesterday (saturday) to get some work done and i caught Yi online and chatted with her a while. But decided that its really been too long since the last time we met and i needed to work. So she kinda suggested to meet for dinner.

Saturday..my blading day. Been sometime since i last blade. Made my way to ECP with Sel. By then, it was already evening. Blade from Mac to the food center and went further up to the Bedok Jetty. Supposed to try out the high slope thing..but it was kinda turning late so we kind U turn. Maybe i was turing a little tired half way through, fatigue sets in.. I fell down 2 times near mac area. The first fall left me with a long scratch mark on my neck. All thanks to the boy who was on blades and pulling a bicycle. I couldn't stop in time and Sel held me. But when i still lost control and his wrist guard just slashed my neck.

Just a bit down the road..another little boy didn't know where the hell he was going on his bike and so called went right into me. Its already so pack in the area plus i was tired..i just went down. I know Sel got very angry after that as we continued blading on. He shouted at the incoming traffic to keep on their lane.

Met Yi for dinner and tok a while. Catch up abit and its really nice to hear that she's really doing super well in her job. Came home, showered, chat online a while and went to sleep to prepare for today.

Amazingly after so long. I woke up when the sky is still dark. I woke up at 6 am. I'm supposed to be students of the training coaches. It starts at 8 am. I will say its not easy to pass to get the license to coach. My first coach was horrible! if he ever pass..i will say the entire thing is Kelong. Unluckily, Sel also got him afer the coaches rotated and he kinda concluded that if he pass, well..got to be some black magic.

Really had a good time wacking the balls. I gave really beautiful balls at times back. The "pok" sound on the rackquet! sounds so cool for once. My tennis seems to be improving and i think i kinda like it alot. Well, I know Sel wanna take a break. Hmm...just find that its kinda pity esp he took up the sports and invested a bit in it and he's doing not too bad. Hope his break won't be for long.

The entire thing ended at 1 pm. I dun know how many coaches i've tried. By the 2rd or 4th coach...i was almost completely blur. I start to forget their names and can't remember wat are the lessons taught by them. Well, all i remember was lots of volley and approach short. Apparently i cannot remember the lesson's title. The only title which sits nicely in my head is "Building a weapon"..ha ha...i believe my back hand seems to be a better weapon then my forehand.

I guess my mood got very crazy these days. I will say i really did enjoy myself during tennis. Really nice to get to know new ppl. Well....the new ppl are all gals..cos my group consist of 4 gals or should i say ladies..hee hee..K i'm really going to take a nap...waking up at 6 and really wacking the balls till 1 pm..kinda a bit shag..

My Date? last evening

2005-07-07T10:04:00.000+08:00

Should it be considered a date? or just an outing. Its a mind boggling question i will say. Its always assumed that when a guy and a gal goes out, its a date. Is that how its supposed to be defined?

Anyway, I'll say Josh is a really nice person. Nice knowing him actually. Went for dinner at a ..should i say imitation crystal jade at Marina Square. Caught War of the Worlds at 910 pm. Show isn't that fantastic. Its just an OKIE!

Been finding a word to describe this new fren of mine. Was thinking of "cute" but it not good. Its too shallow a word to describe him. He's more then cute but less then something else (i can't find the word too). I guess i'll have to flip the dictionary soon to find a perfect word! When i'm done, i'll be so enlightened!

Maybe its really good to go out and make more frens. Afterall no harm done. New frens will mean new perspective in life. I guess its really time to care abit more for myself and love myself alittle more. Like wat my jie meis will tell me. Give urself a chance and others a chance. Spilled milk can never be recovered. Loongz said to me yesterday if the person have to go it means that he's not the right one.

For now, its work work and more work

In a state of confusion

2005-07-06T13:17:00.000+08:00

I need to be at ease with myself badly. I'm torn between work and life. I'm too selfish to give up somethings which i know i have to give up in time to come and i can see the time coming. Its approaching fast. I'm way too torn between frenship and jealousy. Its inevitable i guess.

Each time i get busted out right when news comes to me. I know i shouldn't feel that way. But its improving maybe cos i'm knowing more people. Ed was right about somethings. I distance myself from Ed initially cos i know he's married and its not heatlhty for him to be around me all the time when i needed help or a listening ear. Yes. He screams at me, shouts at me, pester me like nobody's business. I know. He meant well.

I stand today at a cross road. To stay put, be filled with jealousy and keep the frenship? or to leave completely till i'm ready to face him as a fren again. Maybe the hurt isn't as great right now as compared to previously. Maybe i'm more prepared. Maybe i seek comfort in some other things. Maybe I opened myself up to the world...to meet new people and to make more frens be it guys and gals. Maybe i realised.. Yes! there are much better guys out there. Maybe letting go totally will be good.. then again, i seem to lack the courage. I'm sitting at the edge of the comfort zone. Falling either side will just hurt. Ouch! but i need to fall this time round.

I'm happy that i'm meeting someone new today. A new fren. Hee..he's my manager's fren actually. Shall call him Josh in here. Pre feelings about meeting him? I will say none apparently..Ma ma asked me..u so daring!!! go out with ppl whom u dun know?! OK! i trust my manager to a certain extend that Josh dun eat gals and that he's a nice person. Was on the phone last night with Josh for a while. Now i see the linkage on why he and my manager are such good frens. Cos apparently to me. They seem to be vocal in the same way with the exception that one is of higher pitch then the other..ha ha...

Off Day!

2005-06-29T00:23:00.000+08:00

Really feels good to sleep till the sun shines on ur butt. Yes. I did woke up in the middle of the night at 3am crying. Been really crying alot these couple of days. Its seems like i got over yet i didn't. Its the time of the month which makes me such a weak person. I just fall and crumble into pieces. Tears just rolled uncontrolablly.

But at least i managed to get myself back to sleep and rested enough. I went out to have a cheap and good lunch with at Aljunied. Then toook the train down to orchard to meet Ma Ma for shopping and coffee. In need for a make up remover but didn't know wat brand to get. So went around shopping for one. Saw a skirt at WH...but the price..too steep plus there is no lining. Went to Mos burger for awhile to accompany her to eat and made our way to Kino.. We kinda really spend alot of time in Kino. I bought Tuesday with Morries in the end. Char recommended me the book. Its a lifestyle book for self improvments. I'm hoping to find some inspiration in there to pick up my life again and to find meaning in my life again.

Soon after, we made our way to Stevens Road. Basically, we signed up for SDU event. Its a game thingy. So its not so scarry. The people there i will say are all very well articulated. Very well versed with the world knowledge. The game is kinda fun. Lots of interaction. Lots of crapping. Truths and lies just to win the round. But really..the ppl there are of so high calibre that kinda threatens me. It just makes me feel that i'm so lousy.

Took notice of any guy? Apparently..i will say no. No cute guys around..anyway..i dun even have their contact numbers or email address. Theoratically the organiser will be sending the contact list out.

Okie..its really bed time! going to sleep...I'll be having a long day at work tomorrow =(

Its approaching again.

2005-06-24T14:01:00.000+08:00

The weekend is coming again. But this weeek, i did something very terrible. I slammed someone's week very badly. Didn't feel very comfortable for the past few days simply because everything didn't went right as planned.

I was thrown away and i couldn't get myself back standing to where i am previously. Apparently i misunderstood someone and kinda pointed some things out which apparently made an impact on the person. I'm feeling apparently very sad. I hate to see the person in this state. I just hope that the person will get out of this state soon and start all the nonsense crapping again. I really miss those crappiness.

Yes. The glass once broke up into pieces for me as well. I cried those days and nights. As much as my words hold the power, this person's words holds as much power. I love to see the smiles on this person's face. I like my frens to smile. To be cheerful and to be happy.

If there's something which i can do to make this someone happy. I'll do it. But i dun know wat should i be doing. Tell me please.

Weekend seems short isn't it?

2005-06-19T23:26:00.000+08:00

The weekend is coming to an end again. I really think that weekends are too short. This weekend i can only use one word to describe it. Perfect! I really really enjoyed myself.

It all started at 6pm on friday evening. I caught Mr and Mrs smith on big screen and it was really GOOD! i like the show..cool.. not really late night i will say..reached home nearly 12 mn..Saturday afternnon, i went for a swim..swam 20 laps continously..but my speed was not as fast as previosly. Maybe becos i haven been swimming for almost 2 weeks. Pool wasn't really that pack and i didn't get any burns.. Good! Managed to get 2 slots for blading lessons with the Singapore inline skating sch for the 530 lessons at ECP. I was introduced to blading by my ex. I can say he's really a fine teacher for the basics. We decided to attend lessons cos i needed my training and tips and my ex isn't really that powerful. He himself wanted to fine tune his blading skills..so we decided to attend lessons.

Lessons were so call conducted individually. We both shared the same coach and his name..Micheal. He's young! and a very good blader..impressive! Basically wat i learnt? Nothing fanciful i will say but still wat a basic beginner will need to know. He taught me how to break and to do something called 8. Basically 8 is going in circles or drawinig circles with ur legs.. Had back ache after that cos i need to bend to get a lower center of gravity. As i was practicing 8, i feel and i got a abrasion on my elbow..Been a long time since i last fell and bleed. Sad case.

Later in the night, Al came to pick me up to her place for a mid night jog from her place to clarke quay. It's a super duper amazing experience. Once in a life time is will say..cos i dun stay at River Valley area and i dun think my mum will allow me to go for such crazy jog! Okie! i admit..i'm a bad jogger. I really hate jogging..but at least i managed to push myself to continuosuly jog all the way to clarke quay...kinda weird to jog pass everyone else who are nicely dressed up for clubbing and pubbing..to pass by clubs, pubs and restaurants and ppl looking at us like we are some weirdos. Not a bad achievement for a starter to jog so much esp i'm one with so little stamina.. I still feels that jogging is much much more tiring the body attack..blading..and swimming..

Showered and slept rather late.. Forgot to bring my farecard so Al was nice enough to wake up early and send me home! Thanks gal! Made my way to tennis lessons! lessons seems to be getting more interetsing now..lots of new techiniques like volley..over head was taught. My serving is getting much better. Getting used to the serving grip already. Went for a cheap and good lunch and off i went to practice my blading near the canal at my place. Basically i still dun really need a big space. I'm stil trying hard to master 8. i need lots of thigh muscles and energy..Its super tiring i will say.. and i need to keep momentum and balance. I just started this sports not long. So still abit insecure. hee hee..

Went for father's day dinner! and of course to the usual place..Amoy Street..We frequent the hokkien restaurant at the end of the street for a long time already. They used to be at food alley near maxwell. I started to go there since i am a baby. Celebarted all sorts of family occasions there cos simply cos my grandparents like the food there. Had a rather great week end i will say. Also partly cos i'm not down with any of my mood swings! hee...I need to go back to Amoy again tomorrow! so its bed time right now!

Late Nights @ Amoy

2005-06-17T12:42:00.000+08:00

Finally its the weekend once again. Just finished my lunchie and here i am blogging. Haven been really updating the blog. So here i am, decided to give the blog a decent proper entry.

Been having late nights for this week with the excepting of wed and today. Feels very much like when i'm in HP doing pONE. Its like history repeating itself once again with the leading male actor Sel. Soon after he left me the last time, i didn't have any commitments to anyone or anything except to my work. I just stayed back to complete what i had to do. Right now, it feels the same as well. Just that, i'm still adjusting, trying to pick up life as a single again. But at times, i do still feel the ache and pain in me when he meets someone else. I guess its normal?

Late nights @ amoy. Feels good i guess..at least i'm located at my very own work place rather then client's place previously. At least i'm comfortably sitted at my own desk. Ironically, thought i prefer to be alone, i dun like to be alone in the office cos it somewat feels scarry..hee hee..can say i'm a scarry cat...maybe i did too many sinful and wrong things.

Al said to me last night that maybe we should bring our sleeping bag. Sounds cool isn't it?! maybe soon..hee hee...Then we started to engaged in this discussion of "Is the office lacking of man power? or are we just SLOW?" apparently the topic was left in the air with no final conclusion. Last night, i left at almost 11 pm. First wrong move was to tell Sh not to pick me up for supper cos i dun know wat time i'm going to end. Second wrong move was not to sms Don to pick me up when he's in the area having some romantic dinner date i guess..heee..In the end i was stranded in Shenton cos i couldn't managed to book a cab and i had to wait like some idiots on the street waiting for some cab to pick me up.

When i reached home, went online, Sh was laughing his head off. Don told me..see try to act hero and get a cab when i can just pick u up. Caught up with Lex abit..Did some role playing game with him over msn. Kinda childish...wonder when he will ever grow up! I wonder how his gal can stand him! wahahaha...Tok to sel for a mere 20 minutes.. discussing on some issues.

I was awoken by 6 smses from the earliest in line @ 7am! Uncle Lex..Sel..Don and lastly Sh. Well..i selected replies..of course i did repled Sel! but he seems to be most unfriendly. Anyway, i'm looking forward to this evening. Going to watch Mr and Mrs Smith. Beeen a long loonnnggg time since i last saw cute guys! Oh yes! i think i'm getting "sick" ... been gal looking.. Somehow i notice this very common trend in SG gals. They like to rebond their hair and like to wear the type of charles and keith sandals..all look the same from the back view. No wonder Don complains so much about the SG gals. Okie! i dun fancy those type. No style..not like i do have style or better looking then them. Okie! person whom i think got style among my gal frens - *Applause* *Clap Clap* *Drum Rollllsss* she's ALVINA! like her dressing sense with some weird weird things!..she has a style of her own...not like any other gal on the street! she's different!

Okie! Its time to work again!!! hee hee =) Can't wait for the evening...few more more hours to go! Exciting weekend ahead!

Night @ Kallang

2005-06-16T09:44:00.000+08:00

Left office early last evening. Or rather should i say..the usual time. Went to Kallang Tennis Centre. Kinda got half lost while trying to find our way there. Anyway, Yeah! we found the place. I kinda feel that its necessary to practice outside lesson time with other tennis fanatics..Hee..So i kinda join this tennis frenz thingy..and joined the beginnners last night to practice. Not too bad i will say.

For the second hour, one of the club members came over to do some drills and gave some tips. Well..not too bad..hee hee..I noticed over the opposite court, a little boy was learning tennis too. The racquet is as tall as him. According to one of the club memebers, the boy is only 6 years old. MY GOODNESS! he can really play. See him play makes me feel...errr...errr...hopeless?! hee..

8:20am

2005-06-14T08:24:00.000+08:00

I woke up early today simply becos i couldn't finish wat i'm suppose to be doing yesterday night. I woke up early today cos i couldn't sleep. Last night, i realised that friends whom i hardly know cared alot for me. I realised that those who i really cared took me forgranted. I was so touched by all ur actions. Thanks pals! I realised that things are no longer the same.

Morning crowd is so amazing. For once i took the train at 745am. The train was so much more crowded then i had expected. People of all ages, people of all races squeezing into the same train. Train rountine is not the same at this time. People in the carriage which i use to station myself at didn't get off at dhoby ghaut and chinatown. They all got off at Outram park. Like me, change to the east bound train for Tg. Pagar. I admire people holding jackets and dress up so nicely. Its always my dream to fit into one of those power suites..but but...right now my job is almost completely desk bound.. i meet no one except the computer.

When u realise that its time to save money.

2005-06-10T02:30:00.000+08:00

Colette trip to UK reminded me that its almost a year! Saw that damm London wheel in her msn avatar..saw Lake District Windermere...freaking upset!!! Lynnie added on the sadness by telling me she went to York with Mr Larry to celebrate bday! and had betty's for tea!! I missssss those times! its almost a year and i'm not able to go this year..simply b'cos...i'm broke!!

For some reason working dun seem to be a very good idea! i can jolly well earn wat i'm getting right now or even more when i'm studying! and wats more! i got more time on hand to play then working!! earning more and have more free time! maybe its time to change line!! Thinking thinking...

Char told me about this agent which deals with ppl who wanna work and travel at the same time...sounds cool yah...vyvy baby almost did a job something like that after graduation! but she decided to fly instead!

Save money!! that's my aim..i think i'm spending way too much on good food! i haven been shopping much like previously..Hmm..come to think about it..it got to be the freaking low pay i'm drawing and the freaking high study loan i'm paying! Each month i save almost..eh..completely zero? hee hee..But now!! i got motivation! i wanna go HOLIDAY!! Nopez to China..i wanna carry that read 50 litre bag!! and walk in UK again!!!

When the place dun exists.

2005-06-09T22:43:00.000+08:00

When u discover that the place dun exists in your life dictionary. Will you chose to create the place? or will u chose not to? I have been struggling for the past few weeks but i dunno wat should be conclusion be.

I've been trying to create that particular place for the particular person. But yet it proves to be so difficult. Sometimes i really wonder if i really need to make the effort to create the space. I pondered over this question for countless days and nights. Much tears had fallen..the broken lines are slowly turning to crack marks.. I wonder how long more i can hold on.

The little glimpse of hope is diminishing fast. However, it can't seem to be completely destroyed for i'm still trying to create that place. I'm rather certain that he deserves the place till he proves me wrong. I hope this decision is a wise one. Close frens might think otherwise. But i hope he dun prove me wrong for i'll be disappointed and sad.

I'll try and i think i'm doing fine creating the place right now. Ma ma has been spending a lot of time with me during this period of time. I really appreciate it. Though she never know what happened but she's always there for me when i needed her. I'm glad that work is getting busier..so at least i have less time to think about the past. Yes. I think i'm still somewat living in self pity. I know its bad..and i'm trying hard to get out.

Its really tough to create the place. I never did believe that a guy and a gal can be very good frens. Half the time, the line is hard to define. I'm attempting to create this place right now. If i do fail..at least i tried.

Lastly..I MISS LYNNIE SO SO MUCH! She came back last year to pull me out and yes..she said she will be back to pull me out!! but the sad part is..i'm going to be in SINGAPORE!

Missing.

2005-06-06T12:38:00.000+08:00

I'm still in that mood after so many days..Its so scarry..i can't get myself out of it. I know is super duper unhealthy to be in this state. But i just cannot help it. I just miss him so so much!! it got to be one of the attacks!!! mood swing? i dunno...

I seriously dun understand myself anymore. I dun understand how come i got such feelings of missing. One side of me know he's not worth..yet the other side i'm still missing..I dun know wat the hell i'm into. I just sink right into the pit and i'm unable to climb up...I walked in the dark cicle for days already without seeing light..yet i more darkness to come..

I really dunno how to get out of the turmoil..its so painful..I tried to tell myself to be happy..enjoy single life..he's not worth at all..but yet i yearn so much. Maybe its just the companionship that i'm yearning for and nothing more then that. But for some reasons..i priorites him so high as still...i hate the feeling. I hate wat i am today..I'm trying very very hard to pick up all the shattered pieces and move on...yet for some reasons..i turned back to look..i cannot control..and i cannot help it.

The word..."Sorry"

2005-06-04T11:19:00.000+08:00

Last night i saw jing online with a broken heart on her msn nick..i asked cos i cared..i read her blog to find out more. Moments ago when coming back from the market, i bummed into Char..she was sitting at the void deck..she's supposed to be at work..but there she was sitting there...tears in her eyes.

Both quarrelled with their partners. I know Char is waiting for him to apologise..she was gripping her phone in her hands..checking for the message every other sec. But yet..the message didn't come in. I know jing is also waiting for that reconcillation..but like wat jing said in her blog. I totally agreed to it.

Selfish is so human. I still remembered the times when i was with my ex. How i priorities him in my life. How i spared a thought for him. How i think before doing something. Yes. Its very frustrating at times..but all i told myself was..He's my BF and i should take his feelings into consideration. But yet..during those days..i totally felt that i was taken forgranted..cos i felt that he never did take my feelings into consideration..never did cared how i felt..

The word sorry plays an important role..i do agree is so easy to say sorry to frens..but yet to the significant half..its so difficult..Why issit that gals have to be the one to say the word first ? Why can't the guy take the initiative first? issit really so difficult to say? issit that ego hurting? Why issit that no matter how hurt the gal is..she still have to say Sorry though it might not be her fault? why issit that the gal has to be the weaker side? is this the norm?

Down with the bug..

2005-06-02T13:49:00.000+08:00

Okie..I'm officially sick! Of all time..i must get ill now..Love sick and now down with the flu bug. Woke up with a very dry throat..then i started to not sound right..my throat hurts..Started to dry cough...Prepared myself and came to work. Decided not to see the doc..cannot afford to go on MC...got tonnes of work to clear..

I stepped into the office..I started to feel myself turning feverish..Can sense the body of my is not behaving the way it should behaves..My headache came back...Sitting here trying hard to concentrate to finish my work..Ma ma message to say meet for lunch cos she brough the sash for me....didn't really feel like steeping out of the office..too hot..and i'm not feeling well..

Just got back from lunch..and my head seems to be spinning..the throat seems bad..Sian!! concert is just on sat..like that how to hit all the high notes..i better hope i dun lose my voice..which the chance of losing is very high...can sense that my throat is almost gone.

Everyone seems to be coughing...Hiahz...

The past. The present. The future.

2005-06-01T09:38:00.000+08:00

Some things happened in my life for the past few months. The story seems to be revolving over this one person for more then a year already. I got a message from Mama saying that Lynnie wants to go KL when she's back. Everything seems so familiar again. Last year around this time..I left for UK and not long after to KL. I still remember tears rolling down on my ride to KL...Lynnie was beside me when i start to read those messages on my phone for the last time before deleting.

This year. History seems to repeat itself over again. I keep reminding myself day and night..day after day that its over between us. Keep telling myself to give up that little hope. I'm hoping that i'm doing fine right now. What's the past is the past..There's always someone else out there. Everyone says that life is not just about love..there's so much more to do. I do agree.. but its not like its so easy. I'm trying..

I'm running away from alot of things right now. I'm one person who choses that if possible leave the country to start a fresh..To a place where no one knows me. I'm hoping that my dad nod in agreement for me to leave this place to further my studies or to work. But chances seems bleak. But i do wanna try international life. I guess its not as beautiful out there but i just wanna try it or maybe i can say run away from somethings.

If time can be turn back...

2005-05-29T19:55:00.000+08:00

If time can be turn back what issit that i will chose not to repeat again? I guess when it comes to education wise..there's not much regret..But prob the only thing which i might wanna change is not to enter NUS but a foreign university in a foreign land and not to study computing but to study business..

But wat about frens? I think if time can be turn back, i will make an attempt to keep in contact with the gals in my class in sec sch. In JC, i when i tell my crush that i like him and not just keep quiet. I will do something more daring then just letting him know i like him. Actions are usually much louder then words. He told me couple of years back that if i was bolder.. If time can be turn back to the duration after JC and before uni days..i will go out with Lar for dinner..to give him a chance and not to deny myself of the chance..

If time can be turn back again..i'll wanna be a more independent gal..to join the orientation camp which the sch organises..to mix around to make new frens..If time can turn back again..i'll chose to do projects with more guys..rather then restriciting myself to the same old gals and in the end losing them in quarrels..If time can be turn back again..i'll go for the christmas mass with Fr..It will all be so diff already..

If time can be turn back..i will chose not to fall in love. I will chose not to go through all this shit i'm in now..i'll chose not to try out when i know things might not work out..i'll chose to go with someone who loves me more then i love him..i'll chose to go when things to dun turn out right.

I life just went in circle the moment i stepped out of university into the working world. Its so diff..If time can be turn back..i'll work harder and do my hons..and stay in sch for another year. If time can be turn back minutes hours days months...i will not hurt dan..If time can be turn back..i will make the firmest decisions and not ponder over the decisions.

Life is so bleak right now..everything seems to go wrong..everything seems to go down stream..Work..relationship..frens..family...everything just seems to go wrong...I'm a sad person right now...

`Dreadful

2005-05-27T09:36:00.000+08:00

The story continues. I'm sorry folks for venting my anger on you ppl last night. Prob its the time of the month again? I dun know..can't bother to know. Anyway yah..I know its wrong of me to take u ppl out verbally cos of my bad mood.

I've never curse and swear so much in my entire life. No one have ever tested my tolerance and attitude level to this extend. I will say one thing. I think my mind is protecting myself. To automatically change into the attitude mood when toking to him. Its so scarry cos i didn't realise i do have the ability to do such a thing. And the next moment i can happily chat with my beloved neighbours. So ironic isn't it.

Its so dreadful to wake up in the morning realising that i have to come to office to see a F up face attitude person. Worst of all..to communicate with this F up face attitude person. I dun label my frens or colleagues..but he just won himself that label..Congrats to his award! I just can't help it anymore.

I'll endure Endure ENDURE...Why? Lets just say half of me wants to get out of this shit hell. But the other side of me can't do it cos there are ppl in the office whom i do really respect and i dun want to create a mess and disappoint them. These ppl are really very nice and good ppl who lead me to where i am right now. Know them since my uni days when i was just an intern. They gave me the chance and opportunity..So i'm really grateful to them. So right now..just have to 忍..swallow everything that comes my way..

`Grumbles

2005-05-26T14:08:00.000+08:00

Feeling piss and angry right now..so decided to come in to blog a while to let out the steam. Its apparently very unsightly to see the person whom i'm suppose to take orders from playing game when we are already behind dateline. I have lose complete respect to this person. Such a boastful, unhelpful, attitude person. So wat if one has 6 years of working experience? Issit so wrong and disgraceful to lower oneself to do coding or to help with the young and inexperience? apparently that's the impression and view i get from his working attitude. To rise in power and to look down on the unworthy. From the start of the project he clearly stated that he won't do any coding..Then he started to be so engross in playing the role of the PM without realising his team began to lose faith and trust in him. Well..it come to this stage and point where i dun wanna approach him be it for techinical issues or functional issues..To see his attitude and spoil my day..Asshole i can say he is one..

Personal decision had been made..this is the last and final project i'm going to do with him..Its time to flip the papers again and to surf for new job. Its not like i'm sick and tired working as a life of a programmer..but i'm sick and tired working with the bloody asshole. To see his FUCK UP attitude..I can happily and willing work late if i'm happy with my PM and i respect my PM...and PM will never be successful without the support of his team mates..sad to say...i stand on the opposite of the river. One more time and i really will tok to the other higer rank manager about it..Prob i should start to request for the following project to work with other PM.

That;s it before i can complete this blog..my tolerance level has exceeded. FUCK UP! I HATE THIS! its only a file and make a BIG HOO HAA...source control...its only a file which the lines can be easily added in the final end..want everything under control..ha ha...GO BLOODY HELL CONTROL HIS ATTITUDE! lets just say i will show my attitude to whoever deserves it.. Dun like it..give me a bad review lor..i dun need his nice words in the feed back.. Cos i dun give a damm...cos i believe there are better ppl and jobs out there then see this FUCK UP person in the office.

My First Time

2005-05-25T12:56:00.000+08:00

Hee..i lost my virginity yesterday. Hee hee...wat are u ppl thinking?!!! I lost the V of my face yesterday..First time in my entire 23 years of life..someone touch my face..harass my face..message my face..applied layers on my face..Who else? but the beautician ~ Phelane.

Her shop is located at Adelphi near city hall area. Went there after work..Was kind confuse when i reached there. Didn't know wat the procedure at all..She showed me to the room. Left me we a top (similar to a tube dress) then told me to take out my top and put that on..after that lay on the bed?! okie..so i did as instructed..Not long later..she came back and started to cleanse my skin to remove my make up..then she commented that i got very bad skin..lots of dead cells..the skin looked lifeless! and blah blah blah...Jargons...lots of them...half the time i went HUH?! then she went to simple english..not too bad...

She explained to me wat she was going to do. Each time she applied something..she told me the usage..the worst application was the one which she applied some medication on m face..to kill infection..cos my face is very badly infested by the pimples..Since i went with Sel..she told me that he has a better skin condition..partly because he's a guy and guys usually have thicker SKIN! wat i will call..THICK SKIN! wahahaha...so she said that he will feel less painful throughout the treatment and also cos he's a guy..his facial skin had become very immune to the sun as compared to mine =( sad case...

Total treatment time was about 1hour 30 mins..not too bad i guess..but its and expensive session..but well..no choice..better start the investment early..

The Long Weekend.

2005-05-24T12:47:00.000+08:00

The long weekend was not too bad. Did lots of sports..Early saturday morning, i resumed my tennis lessons. Been a long time since i went for lessons..not too bad..just that as usual..i got stamina problem. But partner for the lesson is not AL anymore..she got no time!!! so Sel learned together with me..not a bad partner..fast learner i will say he is..prob he's a guy...

After tennis..i went to swim..no sun..so didn't realli turn brown..went for choir after that. Choir was not too bad. Met a lianster after my choir prac. Of course this lianster like my ex. Well..he's always chased by gals...a guy with no gal lack..watever the case...its not my problem...he's just my fren now..

I start to get to know Dan alittle more..more nightly chats..He's alittle too powerful for me..Its the first time i find myself feeling hard and diffult to maintain a proper decent conversation with him. We tok through the night into the early morning..moving from crusted food stuff to history of singapore to the open minded generation in SG. To find myself in a debate on the issue of casino with him at almost 4 am.

Dan is a little too much for me..Sel is a little too little in comparison..I feel myself drawn closer to Sel as compared to Dan. We share more similar interest. But too bad..we are just not fated. Sometimes remaining as frens is a wiser choice..but i know its hard for me to not cross the line. I can see him leaving this frenship soon..very soon...anticipation for the time to come can make me very depress..to see a fine companion doing all the sunny crazy activities leave for another. I guess that's life..frens come and go.. no one stay forever. He's not mine..he can chose to go.

Dan next person in my life? I guess prob not..he's too much for me to handle. We tok about dreams..aspirations throughout the weekend..i concluded he's not my type. Why? simply because he will be crossing the line to gain fame..to be in the lime light. The moment he chose to reject the job offer as a prison physchologist. I knew where he's heading for. I cannot deny the fact that he's good.

Sunday..I started to pick up blading..Sel came over to coach me..He said i'm a fast learner..I fell on my butt for the first time..it hurts like shit...i learnt my lessson..to fall front! It isn't as difficult as i thought...all one need is just to be bold..fall a couple of times and the body will just adapt..Its simple...a no brainer thing after a while..ha ha...

That evening..we met al for dinner..waneted to bring her to try Charlie's corner..when we reached there CVH was super duper packed! couldn't find parking lots..in the end parked very far away..walked to the restaurant..and we found out that its CLOSED. In the end..we went to the airport to have dinner with Gene and Win ..Sel's fren and bro..So sian...

Monday morning..wake up to have mac breakfast n made way to Al's place for a game of tennis..not too bad...Went back home feeling very very tired...return Dan's call..but he's out..its good..better then cooping himself at home...A house man i will say he is..hee hee..

The Meeting.

2005-05-18T21:28:00.000+08:00

Wooo...its realli been a long time since i last blog..nothing much interesting in my life right now. Just busy with work. Just dun like it when my PM is back in office..WAIT!..not that i slack when he's not in. I'm just uncomfortable with his presence. For some weird reason..i just dun like to see him around..

Kinda rude to him when he asked me somethings..for goodness sake! there's like 3 ppl in the group..its not like written in the timeline that i'm suppose to do that part..i already dun have the time..so i just went NO TIME! Morning meeting..i dread having meeting with him. SO POINTLESS..i just went..YES..i'm way way behind dateline..spend almost the entire week learning this and that..of course the rest progress faster cos when they started coding..they just copied wat i did..and change to suit..the bone is already there...they just have to paint the bone abit to give it colour and taste! WTF! give me that kind of u damm slow face lor...*piss*

Basically..i need to vent my anger here..I DUN LIKE WORKING WITH HIM...its either i'm the one with attitude problem..or he's the one with attitude problem..Seriously i dunno why i'm so "LUCKY" to have a chance to work with him. I super dread this project..its not that the project is not interesting or problematic. But its the person who head the project which makes me dislike it so much.

Seriously i think i'm damm mean to say this. But..i think he dun have the qualities to become a PM. I think no PM works the way he work. Hopefully this will be the last project i'm going to work with him...I think i have a serious communication problem with him as well. Now i understand why ppl chose to resign when they can't seem to work with the higher management. Wise choice good choice. Why suffer the agnoy and the frustration. Let's just say if i'm a damm rich gal with attitude right now..i think will just take the stack of papers and throw it infront of him..and say "I dun give a damm if we are behind dateline..i did it on purpose..why? cos i dun like working with u...u have a problem with that? " then i just leave. Shiok right!

But i will be very sad lor..cos i like the rest of the ppl in the office..i like working in the company..but i just dun like working with him...why i can't just work with other PM...why him?!??!HOW HOW HOW?! sian!!!

Thinking.

2005-05-17T09:50:00.000+08:00

Seems like i have been really thinking..thinking alot. Its nice going out with him. To have dinner with him..Its more comfortable this way. At least i see that he's happy and i dun expect so much cos at least i know we are no longer together. Frens dun hold hands..dun kiss...so at least when all this are not given ...i dun feel so bad cos i know its no longer right to do all this.

But there is always this fear in me that he will leave one day before i do. Cos afterall he's more capable of finding gals then me finding guys..i dun even bother to find guys..thats the problem..The fear which i dunno i should define it as cos i still hope and still love or i'm scared that the moment he finds someone else..we won't be doing the sports which we engage in anymore. I'm trying rather hard right to change us back to frens..just frens..or buddy i will say without the GF/BF type of love. I think its possible..but it will surely takes time.

But i'm scared..cos i dunno how long i will take plus now we are no longer together as a couple..its only right that he can go out to date other gals and to go out to make more frens. I'm just scared that the time will come faster then expected. I've been through it once before with him...Thus, i will say i'm more wary right now then previously. I try as much not to think about it and to enjoy myself. But no matter wat..the fear will always come back to haunt me in some way or another.

I guess its just human to protect oneself from hurt. Especially i've been through once and i'm even more scared to go through the entire process again. How nice if there is such a thing as to be happy always..and no risk. How nice if i can just enjoy the moments..and yet not fear..

Crying the night through.

2005-05-15T08:12:00.000+08:00

I thought i was fine..i thought by leaving my hp on my table away from my bed i will be fine. Yet..i keep anticipating for a call or a sms. I waited and waited. I wasn't in deep sleep..The moment i closed my eyes..i will just realised that "Its Over". I've got to let go. But its so difficult.

I cried throughout the night..tears just streamed down..i couldn't control. I went out of my room to the living room. I sat on the sofa hugging my bloster and crying. I got a message from him like almost 4 am in the morning telling me he's home already and going to sleep. I dun understand why he isn't hurt. I dun understand why he dun feel the pain. Issit because he dun at all feel for me? i guess so..He told me that he's sentimental. But he never seem to remember things that we did. Here i was crying and yet he was outside happily enjoying himself. I can't blame and i can't complain. My life picture is wat i paint by myself.

Aftermath

2005-05-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

Choir never seem so long before. It was dreadful..I kept on thinking wats he's doing right now. Is he doing fine right now. Is he still angry over the incident of rushing to AMK to meet his colleague. Everything of him ran through my head. I couldn't concentrate. I held the HP near to me..checking my hp to see if there are any messages from him. Yet its always disappointment. I couldn't take it anymore and just drop him a message.

Choir ended..i was too afraid to check my phone. I left my phone throughout in my bag. I hope to see a message of care. But i know its impossible. It will never come true again. There will be no more love and no more care from him every again. I kept telling myself its over..its not the end of the world..there's much better things out there for me to do. I kept rehearsing the line.."He doesn't love u.." i kept reminding myself..since i'm not oblige to meet him..he's also not oblige to sms me or call me. Frens. This is the stage which i'm trying to bring myself to. Just pure frens and no more then that..

The moment i heard his voice over the phone. The moment i realised that he won't be home so early..the moment i realised that NO..there won't be anymore phone calls at night from him...my tears just rolled. I couldn't control. The pain was piercing right through me..i was expecting words of concern..But there was none and there will be none..Reality is alwasy so difficult to face. I can chose to live in the dream..in the disillusion..yet i chose to inflict pain on my own flesh. The pain is too real to bear. Yet i know this pain is good.

Singapore is way too small to contain. Everywhere i go..i see the both of us walking along..eating...having coffee..its all way to familiar. Memories will just flood..flood me... I realli hope that i can be strong..to make that move to realli get on with life. I know its all in the mind..the mind power..I realli hope i'll be able to face him as a Fren and no more feelings for him someday.

3 Months 1 Day.

2005-05-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

12 May. I ended my first relationship. Devastated. I thought it would be easier..but it came out harder then i had expected. I thought i was strong. But i wasn't. My tears rolled. The river flows..the heart bleeds..yet there is no turning back. He decides to let me go.

Suntec & City hall.. i will always remember.. Our love nest was also the place that we broke up.. I held on to his hands in hope..but despair..The decision wasn't a rash decision. I think we both had time to think about things. I lived in self denial and lie long enough. Its time to wake up. Things no longer the same. I no longer felt the care. Everything seemed to have changed. I am glad yet i had to swallow all the heart aches.

We sat down..we tok. We questioned. He tried and i believed he tried. Cos i felt the love and care once. I treasured it..i searched for it but i couldn't find it again. Somethings once gone will never come true again. I realli realli did enjoy all the times we spend together. We laughed..we quarrelled..we threw temper at each other..the hugs..the kisses..i will always remember. I will keep the flower in care..the elmo in care..the memories of my bday forever..and 11 Feb..the day when we became a couple..

We came back to my place for prata. I didn't had the mood to eat. Everything seems just like last year once again. The last time when he left..we had prata too..we took the long way home..The moment i walked on the pavement..my tears just rolled..He held my bag and hold my hand...i stood there crying..as i look up..i remember the times when we crossed the canal..holding hands..teasing each other..as we walked through the play ground...the image of us vividly appeared..we were star gazing (orion) and i was feeding him with tau hui..we bought the bean curd from the peace center area the last time and wanted to walk back. But we were too tired so we took a bus home..bus number 64.. As we walked through the fitness area...i remember he took off his shoes to walk on the pebbles and it was realli hurting.. All these will always be kept in me..

Why do gals alway hold on to something more then guys. I held on to that tiny hope. But the hope was torn apart. I held on to the memories..but the memories were shattered by reality. I yearn to keep him as a fren. But i do hope that i can do it. I promise to try to keep him as a fren and not cease total contact. He's a real fine companion. Someone whom i can realli do activities with. Someone whom i can confine in. But i can't change him to love me. Since i have already chosen to face reality. I will have to face it bravely.

I know u will be reading this blog entry..this paragraph is dedicated to u. Thanks for all that u have done. I realli enjoyed myself all this time until things didn't turn out right. I've learnt alot from u. You are my first and i realli didn't know alot of things about r/s. I didn't know wat to expect..i didn't know wat i should do. U taught me alot about a r/s. You are indeed a fine companion. I promise u all the things u said to me about the next guy which comes along. I give u my word. I'll try as hard as i can to keep u as a very very good guy fren. I hope that one day we will be able to do all the activites which we used to do but as good frens again. I will be strong and live strongly. Think of me when u have the time.

My tuition gal.

2005-05-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

Today's my last tuition. Till then again..hee hee...This gal.. i've taught her since she is in Primary 6 and now she's already in Sec 3. I still remembered then how i made her cry. I made her went through the oral passage over and over again. Made her do different picture conversation over and over again till i got the fluency which i wanted. Its the first time i made my student cry. Hee hee..How mean of me yeah? But its good for her...hee hee..

Been teaching her maths all the while. Since primary 6 when they start to learn ratio and proportion till today in sec 3..she's still facing the same old problem..Am i a lousy teacher?! i will jolly well say NO! i'm a good maths teacher..wahahaha..She do know the meaning of ratio and proportion. But somehow...when the variable name changes..she will get extremely lost.

Today..there was this question which deals with exchange rates..so the qns goes like this..X Marks = 1140 Rupee. And she's required to find 10 Marks will cost how much rupee..she couldn't do it...So i changed the question to X Apples = $1140. How much does 10 apple cost. And she can jolly well tell me the ans! i seriously dun see wats the problem..so in the end...We had lots of apples today cos all the ratio questions were all converted to APPLES! How amazing apples can do the job.

Char message saying to go HK end of june!! contemplating leh..realli feel like going on a short trip...i need to travel!! the bug is in me again!! How nice if the company can send me overseas to work..cool baby! Holiday and working shuold be a totally diff experience..Hopefully got a chance to get this experience in my life time!! or maybe i should just apply for some job like waitress?!! in the states?! wahaaha..

Expections? Expecting?

2005-05-11T10:01:00.000+08:00

The day ended not too bad yesterday. At least i got wat my aim was up. Was suppose to go to the gym this morning but decided to give it a miss cos i was feeling tired.

For the past few mornings i was expecting some things. But it never came true. Cos the thing never did manifest. I start to miss more and more. I'm scared that i'll miss too much till a stage that i get strange and weird again. I tried telling myself that its normal and i shouldn't be over possssive and over demanding. But sometimes i just needed some.

I was toking to lynnnie yesterday afternoon..and she said that i lack self confidence. How true it is. Cos of somethings that i discover another side of myself..a side which is so possesive..a side which is so scarry...a side which i never know i had it in me..Lynnie said that i'm over demanding. She tried puttin sense into my head..she tried knocking nonsense out of me but some wat it didn't realli work.

I sense things are changing and it seems to me that its changing for the worst. Things are no longer the same.. I tried hard..but none seems easy.. Lets just say i'm scared. Another part of me had taken over. Its a part of me too scarry to even recongnise.

Bluezzz...

2005-05-09T22:54:00.000+08:00

Monday is always associated with blues. So wat about monday blues? Its the start of work again. Dreadful i will say..Never seem to look forward to monday or i should say the working week.

My weekend was beautifully painted. Lots of colours and lots of life. Yet..monday just took everything away. I could sense myself in that dread. That is wat i guess ppl call BLUEZ.. Office was totally lifeless.. So quiet! i can't take it..I dunno issit just me or the rest as well..but to me i sense that my working moral has been dropping and dropping..I have no idea why.

I still remembered how busy i was in the other project..to stay till almost 12 mn a couple of times. But yet..the enegery level was so high. I never found it a chore. But today in this project..Everything seems to be so dreadful. When everything was not in place..i was feeling piss..down..angry..upset..anything with the negativity will well describe me. I told myself that once things are on track everything will be fine. Now that things are on track...i no longer seem to have the motivation and the drive.

Went for tuition in the evening after work. This week is the last week finally. Been very taxing on me. She's a fine student but yet i guess students will always have that student mentality. I was once in her shoes.. So i know it perfectly well. Giving tuition is realli a tough job unless u got a angel student..i use to have a super brilliant student when i was in uni. just go to her place sit there see her do her HW...she will only ask if she has a problem. But half the time she won;t have a problem cos she's too brilliant. Rates were much much better as compared to my current student. Her mum even gave bonus to me after her Os. cool yeah!

Anyway..i just realised that my physics realli sucks! cannot believe it..i can't solve sec 3 physics questions! Actually i will say i'm kinda a bad tuition teacher..keep on doing maths with her cos maths my forte! A maths especially! ha ha...

Thiking if i should go for a hols to HK in june! Value air having a promotion of buy one get one..sounds cool yah!! Gracie will be going with 3 of her other frens and she has extend her invitation to me. Hmm..thinking if i should go anot.. But realli i do need a short get away! work realli getting too much on my nerves..

Adaptation.

2005-05-08T20:42:00.000+08:00

Humans are easily adaptable. When i first came across this sentence, i didn't really spend time pondering about it. Incidents made me start to think about the truth in that sentence.

I will say time is always needed to allow one to adapt. But is there a chance to no matter how much time and effort is applied but yet one still can't adapt. Yet..to some, time will always be the crucial factor. Once given sufficient time, one will be able to adapt. So actually how much time is needed?

Time ticks by seconds after seconds..minutes after minutes..hours after hours...days after day...year after year..Issit worth it to spend so much time trying to adapt to a particular thing? Or should one just give up and move on with something else rather then trying to adapt. So when one decides on this path..will that mean that one has no determination..no courage?

So since time is always the factor to adaptation..So how much time is exactly suffient to one? Who will determine the time? The person or his/her counterparts? It all started cos a incident that made me start to think about the word adaptation and makes me think about the things which i made myself adaptable to and if these adaptations which i had made were wise choices.

Choir didn't end on a high note. I saw black faces..Sarcastic faces..Apparently people won't happy about certain decisions which had been made. People tried to adapt to the change..but yet couldn't accept the change. So the question was if one couldn't accept the change and wasn't comfortable with the change..so why keep it till now when concert is just round the corner. Uncomfortable. Thats the wat they said. Insecurity. These words sounded so familar. I said these words before in other situations. So..is there a chance that no matter how hard one tries..one still is unable to adapt to it. So wat happens to the person?

I guess there's alot of things to adapt in life. But i've never found it so hard to adapt till now. Adapting to a differnt life style. Adapting to working life. Adapting to all the changes. Trying to accept certain things. All i can say..its tough its difficult. Its always beatiful when u dun think about it. But some wat its not possible to keep running away.

For some weird reason...

2005-05-05T10:10:00.000+08:00

For some weird reasons, my body clock kinda mess up. I slept at 12 plus last night waiting for a call. But apparently the call didn't came. So with my phone in my hands i fell asleep.

For some weird reasons, my eyes decided that the sky grew bright already. So i woke up. When i checked the time..its only 4 am. Its 1 hour even before my alarm clock ring. I sat up wide awake on my bed thinking that my HP time is cranky cos for some weird reason i think the sky looks bright.

For some weird reason when my alarm rang at 5 am, i set it to 7 instead of 6 am. For some weird reason i automatically dose off and woke up at 6 without help. For some weird reason..i step out of my room thinking its 8 am...I brushed my teeth..put on my lens and for some weird reason i asked my bro. How come u are still at home? no paper today meh? then only i realised its not 8 am..its 6 am...wahahah...

Then my mum said..Ur coffee on the table already..for some weird reason my mother anticipated that i'll go to the gym this morning. For some weird reason i seemed to worked out much faster or could it be the time decides to pass slower. For some weird reason i completed everything that i needed to do much earlier. For some weird reason i was upset..

So here i am for some werid reason typing wierd things...going to work work work now...

Reflection?

2005-05-04T23:19:00.000+08:00

Maybe its time to do some reflection on myself. I'm starting to feel that i no longer understand myself. I no longer know wat i want in life. I lost the fighting power. I lost the determination.

I was very determined to lose weight and to be healthier when i joing planet fitness. I did a review today with the personal trainer and apparently, my hard work kinda went down the drain. 3 odd months and i didn't realli show much improvements. Hiahz..i think is time to push myself more!

I'm on the verge of giving up this job. Let's just say its not as ideal as i think it is. I used to like it but right now its realli pissing me off. Maybe its just that since the day i came back to office. I have been doing things which i know nuts and i've been trying and trying till a point which i'm kinda feeling piss already..

Tennis. I finally purchased the racquet. Hopefully i'll able to get it soon and start playing again before my skills gets rusty. The evening starting off well. But it didn't end in a high note though i bought my racquet. Well, somethings are meant this way. Its so ironic how moods can change in mins or should i say sec. Then next moment i find myself yelling. Not like i did it on purpose. Anyway, i've not been in perfect mood for sometime already. Maybe i'm just tired and i need a break from alot of things.

Amazing race right now showing london..and I MISS LONDON!

The melting me.

2005-05-03T16:00:00.000+08:00

Soon there won't be fang fang around. Fang fang going to become a pool of Fang oil! Yucky! isn't it? I cannot take it anymore..the temperature everywhere is increasing!!! yet the aircon cannot go any lower. Its not a balance.

I seriously think the office should either install more aircon or service the aircon or do something!! the weather is killing and the stupid aircon isn't strong at all and it gets realli stuffy over at my area..I kinda wasted my entire morning cos i can't do any work. I'll get extremly grouchy and my brain will just refuse to work when i got to think or analyse. It just automatically shuts down itself. I dun even need to power off..it will just go into enegry saving mood.

Went to the gym in the afternoon for Body Attack. The class only got 5 of us in all..as compared to the previous one which i went on monday evening..this class energy level is apparently much lower or maybe i'm more use to it already..

Time to continue doing my work already. That's provided the aircon is strong enough to keep my attention span. Else i'll shut off again. Can say i'm unproductive but u can't blame me for that..or even better let me work at home with my strong aircon! The company can't even provide a condusive working environment that is to make the place feel cooler!!! how to work like that! SUCKS!

Away from home.

2005-05-02T23:38:00.000+08:00

Long weekend. Its ending soon. Here i am not at my own laptop. Not in my own room. Not going to sleep on my own bed tonight and hopefully will be able to get a better sleep tonight after all the sleepless nights.

Didn't realli exercise much over the long weekend. Went swimming under the super hot sun on saturday. Got myself semi burn. Why semi burn? cos my right arm got burnt and my left arm seems nothing wrong..Dun ask me how i swam..prob i swam with one arm..ha ha...Just now wanted to go to the gym for a good work out. But we soon discovered that PF is closed after we made our way to great world. So we returned to her place and faithfully used her condo gym. Not as nice i guess..i'm not exactly use to the equipment. Anyway..just did cardio for 30 mins..but dun feel very shiok. Looking forward to the body attack class tomorrow afternoon..

My big mama didn't come to visit me...been having lower abdominal pain. Dunno wats wrong..sian...anyway alot of things happended over the long week end. I will say its a super torture in the mental mind. I couldn't get enough sleep. My human alarm woke me up at 7 am almost everyday. I found myself holding on to my HP thinking that i will be getting a call from someone. I found myself sitting up in the middle of the night thinking why big ma ma isn't here yet. I found myself fighting with my blanket and the aircon in the middle of the night. I kick and i cover again. I found myself waking up at 3 am and i couldn't get back to sleep. When online to see who's around. But apparently the only person whom i thought i could tok to refuse to entertain me cos she needed to complete her assigment.

Okie. Today i spend awfully. I was super late and had to take a cab down to Woodlands to meet heh to go bukit panjang. I serioulsy think no one should be staying in the area cos its FREAKING far. Dan's place got 2 cats. Wow...the 2 cats kinda adding dirt to the floor. Maybe the cats shold use some fur control shampoo..its droping too much fur..or should it be hair?! Anyway, I kinda like Dan's place. Its very spacious. I think maybe cos they knock down all the walls and also the way the furnitures are placed. Its super neat..hee hee...

Okie..enough of blogginf..my eyes seems to be closing already...then again..i've got to wait for the owner to give the "Can Sleep already" sign...hee hee

No words for describe.

2005-04-29T15:22:00.000+08:00

Should i just throw everything away?! should i just scream on top of my voice?! everythings is pissing me off.. Its so warm in the office...the computer is damm SLOW! though much better off then the lap top...its still testing my patience! seriously i feel like just slamming the key boad...been knocking the keys rather hard..clicking rather hard..everyone knows its of no USE..cos slow things will always remain slow! 1!@#$%^&*(

When things turn to the opposite direction

2005-04-29T10:19:00.000+08:00

When things turn to the opposite direction something will happen. And indeed it happened. I have enough of all the teases. I have enough of all the attitudes. I have enough of giving and giving. I have enough. I left tuition early last night to rush home to call him. We needed to talk. Called his phone yet he didn't picked up. My previous message was also not replied. So that is so call the attitude i get from him.

"My mood depends much on ur mood" thats his line. To expect me to put on a smiley face whenever we go out. To expect me to cheer him up when he's down. To expect me to shower him with lots of love, care and concern when we go out. To expect me to make decisions on food and places to go. I think i did all these for months. Wat did i get back in the end? Everyone knows that in a r/s there is bound to be a party to put in more..to love more..to contribute more..Its not about all these that i mind. But i believe that every human being ought to be given the basic respect. I dun see why i should be denied of this respect. I do have a tolerance level. The word stop meaning its enough. It repeats itself over and over again...day after day...If going out with him just makes me feel so irritated...makes me feels so annoyed..makes me feel so unlove...then why should i bother to go out with him? Yes. Love is blind.

"Let's talked about it tomorrow when u are more calm.." that's his replied to me. I waited for the mesaage last night...i waited for the message this morning...Lets just say both of us are too ego.. i typed the morning message..yet i told myself why should i care if he dun even care. If he treats me like a junk..then why should i treat him like a percious stone? I will admit i enjoy his company. Its fun to go out with him previously...Its fun to go for swim with him...I sacrificed much of my time for him. To accompany him for dinner and to go out with him. But today...these outings become disasters.. I realli dun see why i should just get myself hurt on each outing with all the teasing...with all the sarcasim...Even my frens treat me with more respect then him.

We will be meeting this evening for dinner to tok things out. I dun realli wish to leave the r/s..but if things have to turn out that way for the better..then no matter how painful. I'll take the step.

weekend drawing near

2005-04-27T23:16:00.000+08:00

Middle of the week already. Now i understand the life of a working person now that i've been working for almost 10 months. Wednesday seems to be the turning point. So thursday is drawing near...and soon its the weekends.

I'm getting tired..mentally and physically.. thought could rest well this long weekend but seems like before i even know it..i'm fully book. Exams round the corner and i'm getting a bit stress up cos i got to finally teach one of my most hate subjects...physics..and apparently there's something in A maths which i dun realli like..that Log!!

Anyway..as usual..met for dinner and i went for tuition. I remained rather silent througout dinner cos i didn't know where to start and didn't know wat to start. I'm tired from work and just dun feel like toking. Its tiring to start a conversation and hold that conversation esp when both party is tired. We asked each other the qns of "care to think aloud? " its weird yah...half the time i'm quiet not cos i'm thinking..but rathing the skill which i mastered in secondary sch..stonning.. The refusal in the brain to process and to think..

I just felt terrible esp when i'm already not in good mood and he must just add salt and pepper to the wound. I was looking for the care and concern when i meet him..but that didn't happen..Sometimes i'm realli piss with him..cos he never seems to appreciate things..he never seem to bother to remember to remember things. Anyway...though we went sepearate ways just now..i'm happy that at least he waited with me for my train to come.

Tomorrow's thurs and fri's drawing near! i'm hoping that friday outing with him will turn out to be a nice evening..dun want my long weekedn to be spoilt on the first day.

Freaking Hot!

2005-04-27T12:21:00.000+08:00

Freaking hot outide...and its super bright!! just can't keep my eyes open.. I'm once again doing something which i totally dun enjoy doing...to always get stuck with trying things out...getting it to work...i kinda reach a full stop. I dunno how to fix it. I dun even know wat the hell the error is.. i search on the web..all i get are alienize answer. Its takes an alien to deciphere the codes..Well..i'm just a human at this stage..not yet reaching the alien rank..and probably won't reach.

Doing is worst off when one is in super grouchy mood..having a mood swing and plus on the irritating bright hot day. Used to appreciate such days last time when i was still schooling..cos that will mean afternoon swim..tanning..etc..But right now..i can't do any of all this..so to me..its useless..which will add on to my already bad mood.

Grouchy!

2005-04-25T13:40:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling grouchy!!! dun feel like doing anything...yet not doing anything feel slike i need to do something...its a not here not there feeling. Weird feeling..it all started since saturday...

I guess its about the time of the month also..the feeling of uneasiness..the feeling of moodiness..the feeling of unloveness..the feeling of inbalance...the feeling of insecurity...the feeling of uncertainty...the feelings of negativity..the feeling of bewildered..the feeling of unacceptance..

Did we spend too much time together? I love the company..i love the craps..i love the rubbish...i love to dine...i love the excitement in the wild areas... i love the gruesome taste... i love the shape... i love the hardness... i love the sun...i love the sea breeze...Its bad bad and real bad..i told myself before...i reminded myself of the consequences...i HATE wat i'm going through...Missing missing and missing...

SundaY

2005-04-24T21:50:00.000+08:00

Couldn't realli get up this morning..but had no choice. Went to the coffee shop for a quick light breakfast with my parents..as usual the topic will be on cars..which is something which i'm always asking for. Its not about not being able to pay for the purchase of the car but rather then maintenance. But mum went..if u can give me 300 bucks a month..we will buy the car...and statement was..Its so easy..give me 300 and u get the car for free..the 300 will ensure that the maintenace are settled!

The deal sounds attractive yah..then she went..how about u save the 300 bucks..and i give u 100 bucks for cab per month...then i went..i one week 100 bucks for cab might not be enough..Face it! i'm a spoilt gal... When we go out as a family..we will take the cab reason simply because that was wat my dad promise when he deicded not to buy a car the last time when we scrape the old one...

Tuition didn't realli went well...as usual she's super careless!! its not like she dun know how to do..but rather..she's just plain pure careless!!! goodness...and worst case..she never do her HW...which means now i'm behind planned schedule again and of course as usual she got it from me..hee hee...tuition was 3 hours today..damm shag after that..the sun was scorching and i got groughy when i got into the car... headed down to the airport to have late lunch and later when to ECP to experience the evening see breeze..

Came home for dinner. Had flower crabs and fish..not too bad a dinner.. hee hee..thinking if i should be going to the gym tomorrow evening or tomorrow morning...
ha ha