Calm..Cool...Relax...Breath...

Music of Hoobastank of What Happended To Us blasting into my ear now. Just back from lunch. Lunch was not too bad..had bar chor mee for lunch. Kind of sinful yah..but i needed an element to make myself happy again..though it didn't realli make me happy again..It was satisfying..I gave in and called him. Wanted to check how he was..Maybe i was in the wrong in the morning. I slam the phone on him. But there was so much disappointment and sadness when those words came out from his mouth. Attitude. Thats the word to describe me at that point of time.

Its my first relationship and things are not as easy as i think. There are alot of ups and downs. Realli alot. Every little thing that happened means so much to me. Maybe it time to learn how to streamline information..but i'm a female!! the female species rememebers everything from big to small..from right to wrong in the memory. It can only be added and can never be deleted..hee hee... As the days pass..i sink deeper into the spider web. Its scarry to see myself not able to climb out of it. Its realli nice to feel the warm and comfort when things are okie. Maybe its true not to take things for granted. Treasure every beautiful moment. But when things happen..be it big or small..i get very stress..I feel myself totally in a lost..dunno wat to do to make myself feel better and dunno wat to do to make him feel better.

I guess wat it realli help is to calm myself down..its difficult..cos on one hand..i need to calm myself down..on the other hand..i have to pamper him alittle. Though the cause is him..somewat i can't bring myself to totally ignore him..part of me still care alot..realli alot.. I just can't bring myself to totally ignore. It realli helps when i try to understand the situation he's in at work so i know at least the cause of why he's feeling this way. But sometimes i also do hope he try to undertsand why i feel this way also.

One bad thing about me is that when i'm in a very lousy mood..i work myself very hard. Like wat happen this morning after the downs with him..I got upset and i became very productive at work...like wat ppl will say..drink to forget..i work to forget..ha ha..So i guess i'm most productive when i'm down..

Time to work again..got to play around and analyse somethings..Feeling much much better now..I'm going to make the last packet of coffee he gave me..MacCoffee..Chill..relax and breath deep...it realli helps to calm me!