No words for describe.

Should i just throw everything away?! should i just scream on top of my voice?! everythings is pissing me off.. Its so warm in the office...the computer is damm SLOW! though much better off then the lap top...its still testing my patience! seriously i feel like just slamming the key boad...been knocking the keys rather hard..clicking rather hard..everyone knows its of no USE..cos slow things will always remain slow! 1!@#$%^&*(

When things turn to the opposite direction

When things turn to the opposite direction something will happen. And indeed it happened. I have enough of all the teases. I have enough of all the attitudes. I have enough of giving and giving. I have enough. I left tuition early last night to rush home to call him. We needed to talk. Called his phone yet he didn't picked up. My previous message was also not replied. So that is so call the attitude i get from him.

"My mood depends much on ur mood" thats his line. To expect me to put on a smiley face whenever we go out. To expect me to cheer him up when he's down. To expect me to shower him with lots of love, care and concern when we go out. To expect me to make decisions on food and places to go. I think i did all these for months. Wat did i get back in the end? Everyone knows that in a r/s there is bound to be a party to put in more..to love more..to contribute more..Its not about all these that i mind. But i believe that every human being ought to be given the basic respect. I dun see why i should be denied of this respect. I do have a tolerance level. The word stop meaning its enough. It repeats itself over and over again...day after day...If going out with him just makes me feel so irritated...makes me feels so annoyed..makes me feel so unlove...then why should i bother to go out with him? Yes. Love is blind.

"Let's talked about it tomorrow when u are more calm.." that's his replied to me. I waited for the mesaage last night...i waited for the message this morning...Lets just say both of us are too ego.. i typed the morning message..yet i told myself why should i care if he dun even care. If he treats me like a junk..then why should i treat him like a percious stone? I will admit i enjoy his company. Its fun to go out with him previously...Its fun to go for swim with him...I sacrificed much of my time for him. To accompany him for dinner and to go out with him. But today...these outings become disasters.. I realli dun see why i should just get myself hurt on each outing with all the teasing...with all the sarcasim...Even my frens treat me with more respect then him.

We will be meeting this evening for dinner to tok things out. I dun realli wish to leave the r/s..but if things have to turn out that way for the better..then no matter how painful. I'll take the step.

weekend drawing near

Middle of the week already. Now i understand the life of a working person now that i've been working for almost 10 months. Wednesday seems to be the turning point. So thursday is drawing near...and soon its the weekends.

I'm getting tired..mentally and physically.. thought could rest well this long weekend but seems like before i even know it..i'm fully book. Exams round the corner and i'm getting a bit stress up cos i got to finally teach one of my most hate subjects...physics..and apparently there's something in A maths which i dun realli like..that Log!!

Anyway..as usual..met for dinner and i went for tuition. I remained rather silent througout dinner cos i didn't know where to start and didn't know wat to start. I'm tired from work and just dun feel like toking. Its tiring to start a conversation and hold that conversation esp when both party is tired. We asked each other the qns of "care to think aloud? " its weird yah...half the time i'm quiet not cos i'm thinking..but rathing the skill which i mastered in secondary sch..stonning.. The refusal in the brain to process and to think..

I just felt terrible esp when i'm already not in good mood and he must just add salt and pepper to the wound. I was looking for the care and concern when i meet him..but that didn't happen..Sometimes i'm realli piss with him..cos he never seems to appreciate things..he never seem to bother to remember to remember things. Anyway...though we went sepearate ways just now..i'm happy that at least he waited with me for my train to come.

Tomorrow's thurs and fri's drawing near! i'm hoping that friday outing with him will turn out to be a nice evening..dun want my long weekedn to be spoilt on the first day.

Freaking Hot!

Freaking hot outide...and its super bright!! just can't keep my eyes open.. I'm once again doing something which i totally dun enjoy doing...to always get stuck with trying things out...getting it to work...i kinda reach a full stop. I dunno how to fix it. I dun even know wat the hell the error is.. i search on the web..all i get are alienize answer. Its takes an alien to deciphere the codes..Well..i'm just a human at this stage..not yet reaching the alien rank..and probably won't reach.

Doing is worst off when one is in super grouchy mood..having a mood swing and plus on the irritating bright hot day. Used to appreciate such days last time when i was still schooling..cos that will mean afternoon swim..tanning..etc..But right now..i can't do any of all this..so to me..its useless..which will add on to my already bad mood.

Grouchy!

I'm feeling grouchy!!! dun feel like doing anything...yet not doing anything feel slike i need to do something...its a not here not there feeling. Weird feeling..it all started since saturday...

I guess its about the time of the month also..the feeling of uneasiness..the feeling of moodiness..the feeling of unloveness..the feeling of inbalance...the feeling of insecurity...the feeling of uncertainty...the feelings of negativity..the feeling of bewildered..the feeling of unacceptance..

Did we spend too much time together? I love the company..i love the craps..i love the rubbish...i love to dine...i love the excitement in the wild areas... i love the gruesome taste... i love the shape... i love the hardness... i love the sun...i love the sea breeze...Its bad bad and real bad..i told myself before...i reminded myself of the consequences...i HATE wat i'm going through...Missing missing and missing...

SundaY

Couldn't realli get up this morning..but had no choice. Went to the coffee shop for a quick light breakfast with my parents..as usual the topic will be on cars..which is something which i'm always asking for. Its not about not being able to pay for the purchase of the car but rather then maintenance. But mum went..if u can give me 300 bucks a month..we will buy the car...and statement was..Its so easy..give me 300 and u get the car for free..the 300 will ensure that the maintenace are settled!

The deal sounds attractive yah..then she went..how about u save the 300 bucks..and i give u 100 bucks for cab per month...then i went..i one week 100 bucks for cab might not be enough..Face it! i'm a spoilt gal... When we go out as a family..we will take the cab reason simply because that was wat my dad promise when he deicded not to buy a car the last time when we scrape the old one...

Tuition didn't realli went well...as usual she's super careless!! its not like she dun know how to do..but rather..she's just plain pure careless!!! goodness...and worst case..she never do her HW...which means now i'm behind planned schedule again and of course as usual she got it from me..hee hee...tuition was 3 hours today..damm shag after that..the sun was scorching and i got groughy when i got into the car... headed down to the airport to have late lunch and later when to ECP to experience the evening see breeze..

Came home for dinner. Had flower crabs and fish..not too bad a dinner.. hee hee..thinking if i should be going to the gym tomorrow evening or tomorrow morning...
ha ha

FriDay AfterNoon..

Ooo!! half the friday is gone!! Good goody!! few more hours of mugging through my work and its the week end!! Sinful sinful...i skipped my gym this morning cos i was realli too exhausted! Tomorrow i'm going to have a good swim!! attempting for 40 laps tomorrow..confirm will take ages cos i swim at nuah speed!! going to pull harder tomorrow!! to work my fat arms!! hee hee

Been feasting for couple of days already! can feel myself putting back the extras!! cannot imagine!! realli realli need to work out!!! hee hee...Anyway, last night went to lower seletar reservior..nothing much there..got alot of cars by the road..but dunno where are the owners and the passengers..maybe they fell off into the waters?!! hee hee...bad me yah...

Can't wait for 6 plus for him to come and pick me up..going to Pasir Ris for dinner tonight..hee hee..dun feel like moving my butt much..feel like nuahing...hee hee...Bought ma ti su again..hee hee..and i bought peanut candy! i dunno how does it taste like..but seems not bad...

Okie..work so far so good...everything in control..but as usual..the nightmare starting again..i have to go figure out the DB thing which they feel like using..I HATE EXPLORATION..i have enough of learning at this moment..too much to digest at one pt of time! INDIGESTION! unfair unfair..cos i'm the one starting to code first..so i must figure out everything so that they can just follow!! UNFAIR treatment!! He asked me last week if i wanted to go through my module or figure out the DB things..then i said i will prefer to go through my own module..and he said he will ask my other colleague to explore the DB thing..now..words taken back!! i have to do my own module and explore the DB things! This kind of thing always happening.. !@#$% ha ha...showing my displease..hee hee..

SO NOW I'M GOING BACK TO MY WORK!! to help my colleague finish her things!!! I NEED A HOLIDAY!!!

WeDneSdAy NiGhT

Here i am in my room in front of my comp. Feeling kinda a little bit tired. Work was not too bad today. Had a new desktop which was much much faster then the lap top..But still it hangs sometime =( patience...hee hee..after this project i think i will be train to be super patient with machines already..ha ha

Was kinda brain dead by like 630pm. So i left office..cos i didn't wanna start to test another huge module which will confirm take me like 3 hours..no time!! and no brain cell left. Met him at city hall about 7 pm and went to PS to have a quick bite before the both of us rush to our next destination..

I enjoy A MATHS!! i'm a freak...i love remainder and factor theorem!! I hate logs and indices..Love the graphs!! Y = mX + C...thats my favourite equation!! Exams round the corner..so i'm forced to go down extra time..super taxing!!

Came home..had a bowl of soup..shower..and here i am blogging my boring life story..hee hee...eyes almost shutting..but i think i wanna read my book!! its taking too long...Another long and tiring day tomorrow =(

TuesDay IrriTation

Super irritated by the early evening..Felt like just throwing my lap top from level 3. I basically can't do anything. The lappy just hang! HANG!! i basically sit there trying to be very patient. Trying to wait for the *!@#* server to start! When the *%^* starts...i can't do anything..cos the lappy gets so so so SLOW!

There i was with such a bad headach and the lappy just insist to irritate me more. Timeline is already so tight and the lappy just doesn't wanna cooperate. I made the changes but yet to test..cos i dun see how i can test when my entire lappy just HANGS! I stayed till rather late...trying to be very very patient with the damm thing..but i just gave up...conculded..its a waste of time!

Met him at the station and went to the prata place near my house for dinner. Then went with him to the dentist to get his teeth fix. Walked to my tennis coach place to pass him back the rackets and requested for a few more to try out...Walk him half way to the bus stop..then i came home..Showered and my mum was watching some HK serial..then i went..the clock spoil ah? now 10 o'clock how come got serial..then she went..u sua ku ah...so long liao..got serial at 10 o'clock..then i realised i haven been home watching TV for a long long time!!!

I better go nap soon!!! dun wanna get another terrible headache tomorrow!!! i'll try for afternoon gym tomorrow...

TuesDay AfterNoon

Just finish my lunch..Today went for a late lunch to the ocean curry fish head stall just near my work place. Had a very nice lunch. I like the curry alot..cos its sour!! hee hee...Abit full now...

I'm suffering from headache right now!! sian..my head feels like exploding...hmm..if it doesn't go off soon..i guess i need te panadol to come into play. Body balance this morning was good! Frank stood in for Haley. Franks's classes are always let me stretch to the fullest. Was suppose to wake up early to reach the gym early so that i can do some cardio before class..but didn't manifest. Reached just 10 mins ealier..so i just brisk walk on the mill..After class i rode on the bike for 20 mins..not exactly very fulfilling..considering if i should go to the gym tomorrow during lunch time for a quick cardio workout!

Right now..my muscles are kinda aching from this morning's class..And my head is heavy! i realli feel like going home to Zzzz...i need a good sleep!!! but here i am..stuck in office mugging through my work!!

mOnDaY!

Alarm rang at 6 am. Called jing and no one picked up..decided to skip gym today telling myself since i'm going for class tomorrow..wake up ealier and do 30 mins cardio before class..Hmm..so a short blog and i'm going to sleep!!

Work today seems okie..Things picking up..At least i see the dim beam at the far end. No longer that completely lost. Went through my own part this morning before my colleague pass us things to do. Tomorrow will be helping out..My plan is to finish up her part and then continue with my own portion cos i have poor memory..Going through my part concurrently will mean that i might forget my own things when i realli start the revamp..

Stayed in office till rather late and met him for dinner. Very happy! i got my fila bag already..They have a new colour!! The red one!! much nicer then the baby blue..and compared with the green which i realli wanted..this red one sure wins! Dun think i'll be carrying it tomorrow...got my barangs to carry to gym..so its my sling bag..hee hee..

I having very bad pimple outbreak!! arrgh!!! thinking if i should go to the doc. But confirm i'll get anti biotics and confirm i'll get gastric and the puking feeling..I'm kinda scared of taking anti biotics after that time in uni which i kinda fainted and after the last round which gave me very very bad gastric problems..Anyway..he bought me the aloe vera gel which is suppose to be very good. I think i'm just going to use it and see how first..anyway..bed time..

Nearing End.

Its like 1 more hour to monday morning.. The weekend ended with me feeling confused..lost..amazed..The most unexpected thing happened today at my place. My parents saw him..Guess everything happened for a reason..It all happened so fast till i was in a shocked and panic...

Reaction from my parents were the most shocking.. i was expecting a much more strong reaction including lots of questioning..i was thinking when i walked him to the bus stop that i'm surely going to get it big time later..but things didn't turn out that way. He wasn't realli a topic when i got home. I just on the air con and went to sleep..During dinner the only qns i got was wats his name? That was when i realised i didn't intro him properly. Hmm...its kind of unusual for me not to intor my frens properly. But then again..maybe things happened in such circumstances that i couldn't handled it properly.

Its uncommon..maybe i should say never i bring a guy home..even if i'm going to bring a gal fren home, i'll inform my parents..but today i didn't yet they didn't say anything..Their reaction kind of surprised me.

I didn't do wat i should do for the weekend. My room is still in many pieces. I didn't check out the BOSS hi fi.. The only thing which i did was to sweep my floor..thats all..ha ha...Okie..time to read my book!!! going to get my bday present tomorrow...My fila bag!!! yeah!!

The upcoming weekend.

The weekend is finally here..A couple of minutes more and i won't be in the office for the next couple of days. I finish wat i should be doing. Kinda happy with the result. At least i managed to get wat i'm suppose to do. Lots of reading and experimenting the entire week. Mentally exhausted i will say with lots of reading and understanding. But at least now i'm feeling more "safe" and more confident about the project. At least i'm seeing the ray of hope. At least i know wats going on.

Wasn't realli very happy when my PM said during the meeting that next week to help my other colleague out with her part. Was thinking that after i finish wat i'm done today and could start exploring my own portion next week and prob give a little start to it. But seems like cannot.. It is written as investigation time in the project timeline to investigate things..meaning investigate wat i'm suppose to do right or investigate other new techy stuffs which will be of help to the project? Then always got new things squeeze in like helping out here and there..then wats the pt of the timeline..sian..anyway..i'm just a little bug in the office..so just accept the fact lor..

Can imagine lor..by the time i start to code..i will already feel very sian..cos i will be lost to my own part. Do i look like its written on my forehead that i know the exsiting system DAMM well? Just irritated just now when my colleague came to ask me about the login portion..its all written in the exsiting codes!!! not on my forehead and lastly its not in my brain! kinda abit *piss* anyway...

Anyway..why bother..*RELAX* time to let go of work..enough for the week. Brain has decided to shut down..Going to meet my JC fren later for dinner..which i think i might not be eating cos i'm still rather full from the lunch..i can imagine the first question that he's gonna ask me.."Why u not going into teaching school?" hiahz..thanks to him...at a period of time i was realli considering..though both line is equally stress..but i do love the primary sch kids alot! Kinda miss the times when i did relief at CHIJ TP and Marymount convent..They are a lot of angels..so innocent..hee hee..

Tomorrow i'm realli hoping that the weather is fine..so that i can go swimming..realli hope to tan abit..Miss the chlorinated water..hee hee..and also..i'm going to have my BK breakfast tomorrow =) been like ages since i had it..yeah yeah!!! Then evening to sight reading class..the usual..tomorrow will be his day...hee hee...

Sunday!! Realli need to wake up and do some cleaning to my room..getting a little dusty and bags lying all over..time to do some cleaning up and pack away my unused bags..Change my bed sheets (i've been wanting to do it since ages ago)...so i'm a smelly and dirty gal..who's sheets are more then a month old..yucky right!!! time to change cos i can't take it anymore..hee heee....Hmm..sunday after tuition..might go to the gym to work out abit...relax abit...hee...then maybe i'll meet my parents and go purchase the Boss hi fi set...been targetting at it for some time already...kinda thinking of revamping my entire room..give it a more cozy feel..soft lights...carpeted floor at the coner and maybe add on a sofa..hee...perfect it with the owner and a cup of coffee on sunday afternoons...hee hee...

Buildings..Architectures..

Went to the URA building this afternoon and saw the exhibits on buildings architecture and the landscape of singapore. The exhibits are super amazing. I like the model of singapore best.. Was amazed on the model of the central business district area. Spotted a few new upcoming mrt station. One will be at millenium walk area called millenium station.

The best model is the model of the entire singapore. After much discussion and observation, al and i concluded the that Thomson area is the middle of singapore. the midlle is somewat shifted south east direction because over at the north west area, it is not exactly fully developed and at the far west area, there are 4 big reserviors not know to me all this while. Didn't know about this 4 unknown reserviors all the while since there were never mentioned in books. If i didn't remember wrongly one of it is known as the Seribum reservior and another Tengeh reservior..hee hee..

Then concept plan crossed my mind..I did urban planning before. A very interesting topic. If my memory has't failed me..the concept plan changes every 5 years. Cool..maybe i should consider changing line to become urban planner. So happenening to see ur work come to life in big scale..ha ha..And the planner himself/herself standing on top of his work..cool yeah!!!

Saw abit of building architecture. Rather amazing how architects design the buildings..with lots of inspiration and ideas. Then something cross my mind. Remembered wat Toh Chai said.."How can never watch movie? then where does all the inspiration come from? Must watch..sick also must watch." Its amazing to see how all artistic ppl put their inspiration into their work. That explains why i'm in this so unartistic line. Need not inspirations to get things done..boring boring..ha ha...

Sian sian..real sian..just dun feel like working anymore for the day..but still got this tiny winny part to complete before going off..More sian is have to wait for him to finish work and come tg pagar station..office so quiet..majority went for course. My darling also went for course lor..leave me in office alone..so sad..miss her so much..wahhahah...Can't wait for tomorrow lunch..going to sweet indulgence..thinking of tyring out the salmon pasta in cream but having second thoughts cos i had very good salmon pasta in Ireland. Might turn out disappointed..

Time to start working again!!!! another few more "long..draggy.." minutes !

Never seems to get over..

Been sometime already..but i never did seem to get over and maybe never get over..Well..evenings just turned into nightmare this week..Haven been meeting up as frequent as before..and i'm not exactly super comfortable with that..hmm..wierd yah...The physical ache still sits in me since monday evening..

Finally my body felt better and decided to go for a round of work out this morning. Couldn't realli wake up though. Was on the phone last night with char..The gal is getting MARRIED!!! cool baby!! the date has been finalised..after the long war she fought..finally they made it! As for me..the battle has just began..

Jing joined me for gym this morning as well..We hardly tok...i just did my weights quietly and the machines...i didn't know wat to tok about and didn't know wat topic to start on. Had a short phone conversation and as usual..it didn't turn out that well..anyway...time to start working

When Everything Went Wrong...

The day started wrongly. At 530 am when my alarm rang, i concluded i'm not going to the gym today. Too tired and after all i have lots of time tomorrow..hee..Set my alarm to 730 am then at least i have 30 mins to snooze...and next alarm at 8 am..I forgot to set the 8 am alarm. Woke up slightly later then 8 am...Took my shower..forgot i shampoo my hair last night...so i shampoo again..My process of showering also all wrong...

Decided to blow my hair...after blowing, realised i forgot to put conditioner..hiahz..Then came the disaster when i was about to leave home..WHERE IS MY KEYS!!! panic...late already..then cannot find my keys..its not on the table where we put our keys at. I look around the area..the floor..cannot find..Was wondering if any blur souls took my set of keys..Called my mum...her office phone engage..no choice..called my dad to ask for the set of spare keys..luckily the set of spare keys is there..Cos my dad was like..dunno is Elvin take it anot..Imgaine if not spare key..i think no need to go work already..stranded at home..ha ha...

Rush to work and realised i'm not that late after all..Well..at least there is half the time someone later then me..thats my gal!! ha ha...sat down..got frustrated cos not in good mood to read brain boggling things...then got to try things out..sian sian and very sian...Hmm...Dan said they going to aust..so i kinda ask him if i can invite myself..then he said NO...cannot...of course i won't wanna go also lor..to go with a "straight couple" gonna be damm weird..but i'm kinda interested to see how his beta half looks like..

Went to china square for lunch...the spicy ramen not spicy enough..sian..i was expecting a much tastier soup base..had to add chillie powder in..Went to Mr Teh Tarik to buy one of my fav Ice Limau Teh..ha ha...i love it real cold. Taste GOOD!!! hee hee...but sometimes abit too sweet lah...so must wait for all the ice to melt..then dunno why the stupid cup keep dripping..so irritating..

The weather realli irritates me..and now the i'm in a very grouchy mood..dun feel like entertaining my PM...feel like telling him when its done i'll tell u...so stop bugging me!!! kinda rude hor..test my patience more sure one day i say the f word to him (actually sometimes i feel this might happen esp the project duration is like so long and lets just say i dunno when i will lose my cool)..*violent me*.. Maybe i should consider following the trend of my other colleagues..hee hee..secret secret..cannot say out here..cos ha ha..*i know u are reading*

Body Attack!

Great workout yesterday evening.. One of the best classes i had attended. Tried body combat out before..but didn't realli enjoy the movements..lots of kicking and punching..Body attack class movements were somewat simplier yet its powerful. Class duration is 1 hour..

Al introduced me to the class. The class was jam packed with lot of gals all so fit!!! cannot stand it..I'm the only newbie in the class. Luckily i did Beginner Step before and have been doing cardio..else confirm will die in the class. Lots of stamina is required. I can feel tireness setting in 25 mins after the start of class.. Push myself real hard to continue...Realli felt super great after the work out..Al told me that my body will need like 2 more sessions to adapt to it. after that at the end of class..it will be a NOT ENOUGH! ha ha...anyway...i'm thinking if i should continue this class. Cos if i go for this class meaning i won't be able to wake up for my body balance on tues mornings =( contemplating.

Now i know why ppl said that such classes will get one to lose weight very fast. Imgaine i got for this type of class 3 times a week. Confirm lose alot. But the scarry part is that once stop such classes. Weight will immediately ballon up..scarry yah..ha ha...

Last night for once we didn't tok on the phone before sleeping.. He didn't even bother to message me that he's sleeping. Well...can forsee myself being excited at work cos finally going to start coding and trying out something...but i think this excitment will turn into frustration cos i confirm will meet with some problems..ha ha...

Tell me wat to do

Its been a day..my body feels like its going to break down any moment..i'm physically very tired..I can't get my body to rest...My mind is in a whirl..i dunno wat i should do. Though i came to consensus with myself, i know i dun like the out come. I wanna sit down with him to tok it out..but i dun want to hurt myself again. To go through all those words again. I'm turning insane.

I spend the entire time at home trying to sort my feelings out. I have no courage to face my feelings..All i ask for is someone to love me. Issit that hard? I can't get myself to calm down..night has fallen once more. I'm going to al place tonight..I know tears will roll..

I do hope wat he said last night was out of angry or out of moodiness. But on the other hand..i know its reality.. Many a time today i looked at my phone. I wanted to dial that number..i wanted to msg that number..I told myself to control for its almost time to learn to be independent once again. For i can see it all coming to an end. The fairy tale is going to break into a reality. The dream is soon to be awakened.

There is practically no way to calm myself down..No way at all..I can forsee myself crying..realli crying tonight..maybe i might cry till i can't i'm so tired that i just fall asleep.

Terrible

To find myself struggling to mend the broken heart past mid night after the wonderful evening. The phone call tore me apart. Those words rings in my head till now..I struggled to catch a wink last night..I laid on my bed tossing and tossing..the feeling was the worst i ever had. Words flash back in my head the moment i close my eye..I can feel that my body is physically tired. But i'm mentally awake. I asked and questioned myself over and over again.

The tok with mao after wat happened kinda made me feel better (just a little) and realli set me into thinking mode. I know myself too well. I know i can't be firm. I told myself over and over again. I got to be fair to myself. I messaged my closest frens in the early morning..It was almost the end of the world for me at that point of time. I realli didn't know how to cope with that hurt. It realli felt very terrible..the pain pierced right into my heart. The heart beat stopped. The world seemed dark..i was alone alone in the middle of the night sitting and crying.

I came to senses with myself. The decision i made i believe at 6 am was a very rash decision. They made me rethink about my decision. Issit the wisest decision which i can make? Apolgise message came in...the call came..we ran from the topic yet again. "don't spoil the day okie" thats the replied i get. Maybe its realli lucky that i'm going to spend my day at home and going out to test drive cars later...Maybe i should spend the this time relaxing and calm myself down...al words to me were: "you think for urself gal and dun regret the decision". Give me sometime to sort out my thoughts..

Friday Surprises

Day at work..I'm a slacker..didn't realli do much..went through codes..saw the massive change which is required. Panic cos there isn't any exsiting documentation to explain all the business logic. Second panic came when i sat there and think about how revamp the exisiting into the new framework.

Left office at 6 pm sharp..went down to the fila warehouse sale in hope to buy the bag. But disappointed. There isn't anymore. We left for city hall...Went to burger king to have dinner. Surprise to see my secondary fren with her husband and her child. The boy is about 3 years old. Hee..after that we had the durian ice cream..kinda good!!! its a must to try it..the ice cream shop at the basement of raffles city near to out of the pan..can't rememeber the shop name...hee...

Went to suntec to check out my Fila bag..since the green one no longer available..decided to settle for the light blue one..guess wat! its out of stock..out forever..sian..checked with the PS branch...sold out already..Super super upset. Should have just settled for the light blue one the other day at PS...i hardly find a bag that i like..found one and its gone.."everything happens for a reason.." guess i'll have to wait for another bag which i'm attacted to. Went to carrefour to walk..hee..saw baby elmo..so cute..i always like elmo..but just that its hard to find elmo toys..I like those which can be hung on the bags or pencil case..hee hee..

In the end i became a very happy gal..cos he bought one for me...hee..suppose to try out the irish cream latte at starbucks today..but the place was super pack..super super pack..so we just got on a bus and he send me home =)

The Woman Element

Shocked with myself to feel this way. Its a feeling i have never felt before in my life. Feelings and emotions never peaks or drop so drastically in my entire life till now. The ups and downs..the high and low..the happy and sad moments..Its turning me insane..I seriously got problem controlling all this emotions.. Somewat i no longer have mediocre feelings and emotions like previously..These days it peaks and drop too fast. I have yet to control the speed.

When 2 are together..lots of "que dian" starts to appear. To learn to accept each other "que dian" thats wat Ad told me will just show how strong the r/s is and how much u love the person. It sound simpler then putting it into practice..To accept the past is another thing..Jealousy is something which sits firmly in me. I get very irritated and frustrated each time her name is mention. Imagination runs wild..Emotions dip..

Sian lah...later going to meet..dunno how will he be feeling. realli hate to meet him when he's in some bad mood or some sian mood... *cross fingers*

Calm..Cool...Relax...Breath...

Music of Hoobastank of What Happended To Us blasting into my ear now. Just back from lunch. Lunch was not too bad..had bar chor mee for lunch. Kind of sinful yah..but i needed an element to make myself happy again..though it didn't realli make me happy again..It was satisfying..I gave in and called him. Wanted to check how he was..Maybe i was in the wrong in the morning. I slam the phone on him. But there was so much disappointment and sadness when those words came out from his mouth. Attitude. Thats the word to describe me at that point of time.

Its my first relationship and things are not as easy as i think. There are alot of ups and downs. Realli alot. Every little thing that happened means so much to me. Maybe it time to learn how to streamline information..but i'm a female!! the female species rememebers everything from big to small..from right to wrong in the memory. It can only be added and can never be deleted..hee hee... As the days pass..i sink deeper into the spider web. Its scarry to see myself not able to climb out of it. Its realli nice to feel the warm and comfort when things are okie. Maybe its true not to take things for granted. Treasure every beautiful moment. But when things happen..be it big or small..i get very stress..I feel myself totally in a lost..dunno wat to do to make myself feel better and dunno wat to do to make him feel better.

I guess wat it realli help is to calm myself down..its difficult..cos on one hand..i need to calm myself down..on the other hand..i have to pamper him alittle. Though the cause is him..somewat i can't bring myself to totally ignore him..part of me still care alot..realli alot.. I just can't bring myself to totally ignore. It realli helps when i try to understand the situation he's in at work so i know at least the cause of why he's feeling this way. But sometimes i also do hope he try to undertsand why i feel this way also.

One bad thing about me is that when i'm in a very lousy mood..i work myself very hard. Like wat happen this morning after the downs with him..I got upset and i became very productive at work...like wat ppl will say..drink to forget..i work to forget..ha ha..So i guess i'm most productive when i'm down..

Time to work again..got to play around and analyse somethings..Feeling much much better now..I'm going to make the last packet of coffee he gave me..MacCoffee..Chill..relax and breath deep...it realli helps to calm me!

Lunch Break Bloggie...

Its now lunch time..or should i say after lunch..The angel and devil is fighting in me agaiin..thanks to my colleague..tempt me with his curry puffs!!! though i'm full with my oats..my brain still thinks about the curry puffs..bad bad...got to erase the devil thought..

Had oats for 2 days in a row...hmm...seems like oats doesn't taste as bad as i thought. When a hungry cow needs food..everything will taste good..hee hee..maybe i should try putting egg white into the oats..prob will give it a nicer taste and smell..Maybe should buy a crate of eggs and put it in the pantry..

I'm like a school gal back to my primary sch days (maybe P1 or P2) where my nanny will pack lunch box for me..these days..early in the morning..my mum will make bread for me..and me..very fussy gal..no butter on bread..only can put cheese spread..and no strawberry cheese...then these days..i will bring one fruit to work...prefer prunes..cos they are soft and easy to bite!!! so will grumble when no more prunes..ha ha..spoilt gal right...too bad =)

Work seems alittle irrinoying (irritating + annoying) these days.. dunno why i seems to be like a translator to pass information to my other colleague from my PM. I was suppose to help her get something out before my PM goes for meeting..I realised that there's some communication problem..cos not like she dunnno how to do (not like i know and apparently i dun know) but i think she doesn't get wat my PM wants...Or maybe she knows wat he's trying to achieve out of it..but dunno how to go about doing it!! i dunno lah...i tell her do this do that..like i some expert or something..feel so bad (cos she's more senior in terms of working exp)..sians...just use the brain abit more can liao lor..even me cow brain also can come out with cow things...surely humans got better brain right?

Watever lah...this project isn't as simple or comfortable..sometimes can get realli piss esp someone keeps asking for a result..and not like dun wanna produce result..but its like knowing nuts and to produce results..a simple analogy will be like take a "A level" physics exam and pass it with 90% score when u never study physics before..then the time give is so short! how to pass...it like that lor...
Enough of complains..like complain and complain then got some extra knowldege will implant in the cow...back to work!

assurance..

We met at Kallang station and waited for a bus back to my place. Waiting was prob the most sickening part the entire night. Waiting for the bus seems ages..then when we reached the dental clinic, we had to wait to register cos the "nurse" was busy in the room. Wait and waited..hee...

He made appt for next tues and by the time we came out, the fish shop closed already. Can sense that he's a little sad. Anyway, i think must be the oats in the afternoon..had strong craving for the fries and chillie from Mac. Ended up there and had the grilled chicken wrap. I wasn't so hungry when i step into Mac. The moment i pop the fries into my mouth..can feel the hunger growing in my stomach..ha ha...

On our way to Mac, he told me its his ex bday and he wised her happy birthday. I was kinda upset and jealous..he realli did assured me when he showed me all the sms he send to her and vice versa today. Realli very touch and feel very secure..hee hee...realli appreciate all that he has done.

As usual, he didn't send me home. But walked me almost half my journey back..ha ha..On normal weekdays, most of the time i go home myself..he will either alight one stop earlier or will just continue the train ride back. I guess its better this way also..else he will reach home rather late..by the time shower etc etc...already very late..but of course sometimes i realli wish that he send me home lor..ha ha...

Sinful things . Healthy things

Hmm..had lots of sinful things yesterday. Meet for dinner..though we just saw each other on sunday...my heart was racing when i was waiting for him at the city hall station. Miss him so much..hee hee...

City hall..also known as our love nest..ha ha...spend lots of time together there.. We went to the street next to seah street (dunno wat's the name) to have beef kway teow..suppose to be good and famous..But to me it was just so so..not extremely nice. Its expensive too..so i dun recommend anyone to try..ha ha..After that, contemplating bewteen the durain ice cream and mud pie from NYDC...in the end..i had strong craving for chocolate..so went to NYDC..Sinful sinful..ice cream..chocolates..

This morning i woke up at 6 am..tossed around for some time and got up..hee hee...thinking thinking..gym vs body balance..in the end i decide for body balance. Too lazy to briing my pair of shoes..ha ha..anyway..class was good. New set of routine...did lots on the legs..can realli feel the deep stretch..very relaxing..today i managed to balance much better then previosly...great feeling...Had a nice shower..papmered myself with a cup of teh tarik..hee hee...

Usual morning call from Sel..today he drop me some news which makes me feel insecure and abit upset. His ex's fren emailed him. Not sure wat she wants..but i'm scared. Wat if things dun turn out right? wat if she wants to patch back? wat will happen to me? Hmm...okie...time to realli start working...

Its my Birthday!

This year my birthday was spend with a special someone..Hee.. Realli happy to spend my birthday with him..Thanks for taking leave to spend time with me.. Realli appreciate and i realli enjoyed myself..

We checked in at noon time and went out for lunch. After that, we went back to the room to have a afternoon nap so that we can last till the midnight show...Headed to marina south for the bbq for dinner..ha ha..Okie..apparently he didn't realli enjoyed it (i can sense it). Got ourselves smelly from all the cooking smoke..After that we took a cab back. Took a quick shower and off we are to PS for Miss Congenality 2..

Well..he's the first to wish me happy birthday..and of course the first person to give me that birthday kiss..hee hee..so touch..movie was great. Miss Con 2 realli not bad...By the time we walked back..it was like kinda late already..Took another shower and lights out..

Didn't realli sleep well cos i'm not realli used to the bed..keep flipping..waking up...going toilet...drink water..i tired to move less so that he can sleep beter...hopefully he didn't get irritated..ha ha..As ususal..my human alarm woke me up at 8 am..imagine to sleep at 3 and wake up at 8 am...wahhah...tried going back to sleep..finially i told him..wake up cos i'm hungry..ha ha...

So we clean up and went out for breakfast...had the traditional toast and half boiled eggs and that black coffee for breakfast..cool yeah...long time didn't have that type of breakfast already...eat already..then nuah a while..then we went off to PS to shop for my bday present..hee hee..the Fila bag which i kinda like no more..kinda sad..dunno why they took back all the green ones.. =( in the end i settled for none..

We were suppose to go hotel mirama to have the japanese sashimi buffet..but was fully book for dinner..kinda disappointed..so i made reservation at hotel amara..but but..in the end never go also..cos we had a "supposed light lunch" at 3 pm at Mai the vietnames restaurant...the Yam drink...POWER! must try!!! so in the end we ended up at Out of the pan at raffles city..he bought me one flower..the type with a face on it..cos we concluded fresh flowers are perishable...a waste money..hee hee...

On sunday...i followed him to one of his jamming session at lavender area..he plays the bass guitar..but somewat i got problem picking up bass lines in a song..hmm...guess i got to work harder to figure out which line is the bass line so i know how to comment. The group in the jam studio beofre them were "good"..the singer forever flat..everyone in their own key..dunno they tone deaf anot... anyway..his group seems not bad except for the singer..ha ha...

In the evening..went to test drive cars with my parents...hee hee..then went to have my favourite food..crabs at macPherson hee hee...Miss him lotz..Slept rather late..was on the phone for damm long..ha ha..i think both of us mad..dun wanna put down the phone..hee...okie...time ticking away fast...can't wait for 630pm... =)